monday, january 12, 1981
daily nebraskan
page 5
Reagan starts performance of life in Washington
At Innn Invt U . i
,aai, me scenario nas Deen written tor the
opening scenes of that monumental Hollywood epic, "Mr.
Reagan Goes to Washington." And a wow of a beginning
it is.
We fade into the Oval office. Mr. Reagan, a lovable,
naive feller from Out West (played by character actor
Ronald Reagan), has taken over as president and plans to
save the country from cynical politicians and entrenched
bureaucrats through just plain goodness. Nancy, The
Beautiful Gal Who Loves Him (played by Nancy Davis),
is, as always, at his side.
Ronnie (examining a ledger): Golly whillikers, Nancy!
It's a bigger mess than I thought. The government's al
ready $50 billion in the red.
How am I going to buy the B-l bomber, the MX missile
and six dreadnoughts, while still cutting taxes 30 per
cent and balancing the budget?
Reality . . .
Continued from Page 4
Morgan was riding with his deaf-mute son, James Jr., to
visit his other son, in a third hospital recovering from
burns over 80 percent of his body , when their car smashed
into a telephone pole. James Jr. was admitted to a
hospital with a brain concussion. Mr. Morgan subsequent
ly committed himself to a psychiatric hospital with the
explanation, 'I'm going crazy.' "
Such a streak of bad luck is so hard to comprehend
that lovers of dark humor may snicker when reading of
Morgan's problems. Just remember, that what happened
to James Morgan Sr. is one of those intangibles in the
category of "real life." What happens on "General Hospi
tal" is not.
Fantasy and fiction are wonderful, creative and often
stimulating. But if you really want to boggle my mind,
just hand me something like the above stories. Or perhaps
an item on how we are now exporting Coca-Cola to China,
how Eugene McCarthy and Ralph Abernathy came to
endorse Ronald Reagan, or that 2.3 million adult Ameri
cans are unable to read a word of what is written here.
Truth these days is far stranger than fiction.
- JklL -
store
13th & P; Under Douglas III
HOURS: 9-9 M-F, 9-6 Sat.
Nancy: Oh, Ronnie, give up. It's hopeless.
Ronnie: No, wait. There's one last chance: the secret
weapon I revealed during the campaign.
Nancy (fearfully): You mean . . .
Ronnie (grimly): Yes, put out a four-word memo to all
departments saying: "Eliminate waste and fraud!"
Nancy (adoringly): Oh, Ronnie, you're so brave!
(Cut to the U.S. Department of Bureaus where two
entrenched bureaucrats, Sidney Greenstreet and Peter
Loire, are taking turns dozing and stealing paper clips. A
boy scout slaps the memo on Sidney's desk, salutes and
marches out. Sidney reads it and blanches.)
Sidney: Peter, that presidential order we have dreaded
all these years has come at last.
Peter (sweating): Not eliminate waste, and fraud! Is
nothing sacred? We will have to fire 98 percent of our
staff, including ourselves.
Sidney: Yes, we'll be forced to retire on six-fifths of
our salary. But look on the bright side, Peter.
Peter: What bright side?
Sidney (smiling evilly): Think how fortunate we are
that Presidents Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson,
Nixon, Ford and Carter didn't come up with this desper
ate maneuver years ago.
(Montage of bureaucrats fleeing Washington, million
dollar bills piling up in the vaults of the U.S. Treasury, B
1 bombers taking off, MX missiles running around in
circles and, lastly, Ronnie and Nancy on the bridge of a
brand new dreadnought as the band plays "God Bless
America".)
Nancy: Oh, Ronnie, you did it! You saved the country.
Ronnie: Not yet, Nancy. I still have to convince the
cynical Washington politicians to put the good of the
nation ahead of crass politics and talk those masterminds
of the Kremlin into laying down their arms and joining
the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
Nancy (confidently): Don't worry, Ronnie, after this,
that will be easy.
Ronnie (frowning): I don't know, Nancy. Those cyni
cal Washington politicians are going to take a heap of
persuading.
(Music up and out.)
(c) Chronicle Publishing Co.
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