monday, march 10, 1980
daily nebraskart
page 13
Visitor to Big Red City follows road bajck home
By Peg Shcldrick
Harvard of the Plains Productions
proudly presents a brand new musical ex
travaganza entitled THOSE REGENTS OF
OURS.
As our story opens, we see young
Dorothy Gale carrying a little yellow
basket and wandering, accompanied by a
humor
little black dog, in the vicinity of a certain
fountain near a certain union at a terrain
mid-western university. She gazes around
her in wonderment.
"My, my, Toto. Isn't it lovely? It's so
huge and sunny and red-colored. I wonder
where we are?"
Just then a rag-tag trio in corduroy jac
kets with patched elbows comes into view,
emerging from a large, deserted-looking
building near the fountain (which incident
ly isn't flowing). They have linked arms
and are skipping along, singing at the top
of their voices.
"Something tells me we're not in Kan
sas anymore, Toto," says Dorothy, watch
ing the group come closer.
The three singers come to a halt in front
of Dorothy. "And who might you be
they inquire in unison.
!
"If you please, sirs, I'm Dorothy Gale, a
transfer grad student from a small com
munity college in Kansas. I was telling my
Auntie Em about how much 1 like the
color red-and how I wished that I, was
going to a bigger school, and the next thing
I knew there was a tornado and I found
myself in this place Where am I?"
A skinny fellow with a thatch of blond
hair speaks up. "You're in the Home of
Team Spirit."
The silver-haired gentleman next to him
nods. "Big Red City."
"The wickedest football team in the
Midwest," pipes in tlie third man, a pudgy
feltow with a wild mane of brownish curls.
"Gosh, I was hoping I was at a univer
sity," sighs Dorothy.
"Oh, but you are," says the skinny
fellow. "You're in Huskerland, the domain
of those powerful Regents of Ours."
"But why all this talk of football? What
about your academic qualifications?"
"Oh, we try," sighs the silver-haired
fellow.
"But it's hard to get any attention amid
all the shouting," adds the third. "We just
can't compete with all those players and
bandsmen and fans."
"Players? And bandsmen? And fans? Oh
my."
"Yes," says the blonde. "That's why
we're going to see the Regents. We must
ask their help. You see, I'm supposed to be
attracting quality faculty. But with the
salaries and reputations I have to offer, I
can't attract a fly. With their help I've been
thinkin' I could bring some brains to Lin
coin, if I only had the funds."
"And you, sir," says Dorothy, turning
to the silver-haired man. "What are you
going to ask for?"
"Well, I'm supposed to be providing
quality education to the future business
people of our state, but it isn't easy when
all you can afford is a Mr. Owl-Face calcu
lator and some kinescopes of Mr. Rogers
Goes to the Store. With some coins in my
coffer better courses would 1 offer, if I
only had the funds."
"And what about you?" she asks the
third.
"I'm. in charge of keeping the library
open more than three hours a week, but
M
arathon . . .
Continued from Page 12
Midnight -$9,227 -Finale
Then it was time for prizes. Harris and
his partner claimed first place and the
Kawasakis.
Frank Uryasz and Kris Hansen claimed
second and a pair of memberships to Wall
bangers, a racquetball club. Steve Vlach
and Claire Burek took third and a $100 gift
certificate to Land and Sky. Alpha Delta
Pi won the organizational award, Angel
Flight took second and Phi Mu took third.
tven though the marathon didn't raise
as much money as last year, Marathon
Chairman Curt Tideman said he was still
pleased.
"We had more couples than last year.
They just had a harder time raising money
because of the economy right now," he
said. "People are still doing the things they
know arc worthwhile."
And freshman Mary Smith summed it
all up: "It's a good feeling putting your
feet up in the air after the dance, but it's a
greater feeling knowing how many kids
you've helped."
cssa to rezni
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I'm having trouble finding people who will
work for 10 cents a day and all the paste
they can cat. With some aid I was hophV
I could keep our portals open, if only I had
the funds.
Oh my, says Dorothy. "It all sounds
quite wonderful. May I come with you to
visit those Regents of Ours?"
"But what would you ask for?"
"Three good reasons why I shouldn't go
back to Kansas.'
The four link arms and skip off down
the road, singing merrily. Soon they arrive
at an awesome ediface, a gleaming white
citadel towering in the sunshine. Yes, it's
REGENTS HALL.
"Cosh, Dorothy," says the blonde
fellow. "Why, are we holding classes in
condemned buildings when such a palace
of luxury as this exists?"
"I don't know," says Dorothy. "We
must ask those Regents of Ours. Here, let's
go in." Warily they push open a door.
"WHO GOES THERE?" cries a boom
ing voice.
"If you please, sir," stammers Dorothy.
"I'm just a transfer grad student from
Kansas."
"JUST A STUDENT? llien WHY have
you come to the Hall of Regents?"
"I have come to ask for better salaries,"
says one.
"I have come to ask for better quality,"
says the second.
"I have come to ask for better facili
ties," says the third.
"SILENCE! What you are all asking for
is money, and it has already been given.
Have we not raised our coach's salary?
Have we not ethnically balanced the Yell
Squad to attract better players. Did we not
offer to add seats to our facility? HOW
DARE YOU ASK FOR MORE?"
"But your Regency-"
"SILENCE! You are now going to tell
me you need these things for activities out
side the stadium. But you are wrong! You
don't need money. You need morale. And
what could be better for your morale than
a nice, healthy football game? You may
now buy your tickets."
"But- but how will watching a group
of under-educated overdrugged injury vic
tims grapple for a pigskin help-"
"SILENCE! DO NOT QUESTION
YOUR REGENTS. Now, you there, young
lady, what is it you are here for?"
"I just want to know how to get out of
this chicken outfit." Toto begins scratching
and sniffing at a heavy oaken door.
"PAY NO ATTENTION to those men
behind the portal. Just go away, and do
not pester your Regents again,. Except for
you, young lady. You must stay. We need
graduate students from out of state. Our
own are no good."
"But great and powerful Regents of
Ours, if the graduate students from here
are inferior, doesn't that mean that the
B.A. program here is by implication
inferior?"
"SILENCE, WHIPPERSNAPPER! The
great and powerful Regents have spoken."
"Right. Well, thanks anyway," says
Dorothy, picking up her basket and
beckoning to Toto. "I think well be on
our way back to Kansas now."
"But- but- their football team isn't
anywhere near as good as ours, they
haven't got half the school spirit, and for
all we know they may even pay their
faculty more than they pay the football
coach!"
"Yep. It's like Toto and I always say
There's no place like home'. There's no
place like home. . ." .
I 13th & P 475 2222 :
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for adults
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5:15-7:20-9:20
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5:25-7:35-9:45
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EVENINGS MON-THURS Sjj
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Presents:
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'.'exceptional guitar and vocals" No Cover
Pabst Blue Ribbon Longnecks 50 from 9-1 Mon.
Wed.-Sat - LITTLE JIMMY VALENTINE
and tho HEARTMURMUR3
'Cookin' up a storm with Lincoln's own Blues Band"
$1 .50 Wed;, Thur. $2.00 Fri., Sat.
Coming March 17-18: Memphis RockaBilly Special
Sun Recording Artist S1CEEPY LAOEEF
$3.00 Advance $3.50 Door