ps8 , fathom november 9, 1979
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The college environment, perhaps more than others,
seems to isolate student alcoholics and exclude
them from the social scene. Some can find accept
ance and support there; others must get out.
Editor's Note: This story was written from the point of
view of a student alcoholic who chose to fight the disease
without leaving the college environment.
T.
here must be a lot of collegiate alcoholics who, like
me, are trying to juggle school and the related bar-hop-ping
partying norms without letting anything slip. And
there must be friends who, like mine, don't notice
anything slipping because alcohol and college seem to be
the accepted mix, at least on this campus. ,
When my friends drink to let off steam, I'm the one
who feels the pressure. I have tests and papers due, a job
and boyfriend problems just like my sorority sisters, but
there is a difference because I am one of those students
with a drinking problem. No, wait. I-mean I'm an
alcoholic.
It's still humiliating to admit, but, like everyone says,
that's the first step. Somewhat coerced by a DWI charge
in April, I took the step and admitted my problem this
summer. I'm an outpatient at the Independence Center in
Lincoln and a member of A.A. I'm a real, live 21-year-old
alocholic. v
When I came back to school this fall 1 was afraid my
friends would alienate me. And I was afraid of the social
pressure. I mean, going to the bars is such a big thing.
There was a certain risk involved. I had to change my
lifestyle, but would my friends change, too?
FORTUNATELY, IT is the friends, I feared who have
helped me, though 1 think their help has been almost un
intentional. They drink around me, and they talk about
the bars around me, and they don't act any different than
before. But there's no pressure. They don't treat me like
I have the plague. Nothing is said about it. In fact, some
of my friends don't even know.
.1 still go to the bars with them once in a while, but not
for the express purpose of getting drunk. I stick with soft
drinks.
I do spend much more time alone now. I roller skate,
run or swim, and I guess I've gotten into card playing late
ly. With the bar nights and hangover mornings I've saved, I
just have more time to myself. And I like myself more
since I quit sharing my personal time with alcohol.
I miss it, but life's more enjoyable, even fulfilling with
out it. Some lonely nights I question that and. have to
fight rationalizing that a drink would take the loneliness
away. -
I used to drink to forget my problems-I know, you ve
heard that line before on some soap opera-but drinking
intensified them.
MY PERSONAL DEFINITION of alcoholism is when
drinking causes repeated problems. The DWI charge was
one. Then there were the fights with friends, the tests I
missed because I drank instead of studying the night
before, and was too sick to show up for class in the morn
ing. " -
A bad habit you say? No, it was a compulsion, and it
was caused by a disease I could not control. It has nothing
to do with willpower.'
Drinking didn't cause all my problems, but it didn't
help to be drunk at the time they were developing. I learn
ed to give all those big, ugly drunk-inducing problems to
God so they won't make me take a drink. A.A. stresses
trust in God, or something higher than yourself, because
you've already tried to fix it yourself and messed up.
Someone has got to take over. V
So I'm a 2 1-year -old alcoholic and I'm lucky. If I
would have found out later, I could have alienated a hus
band, ruined my family or lost a job. And despite the
social pressure around here, college and the friends it
surrounds me with provide a built-in support system. I'm
not sure I'd get that out of my own.
Dealing with disease
Last drink doesn't end battle with booze
H
By Deb Shanahan
lonesty was the key. .
Being honest with herself about the
fact that she could not drink normally and
that alcohol was making a mess of her life
opened the door for DeeDee.
DeeDee, 24, is an alcoholic.
Working at the Alcoholics Anonymous'
office in Lincoln, licking stamps and
putting them on envelopes, DeeDee tells
how drinking landed her in jail twice be
fore her 19th birthday.
"I was almost relieved to find out I was
an alcoholic, because I thought 1 was going
crazy," she said. "One lady at the jail told
me that if I got sent there again, she was
going to send me to a mental hospital.
"She thought I was schizophrenic be
cause I was so mean when I came in there
drunk."
DeeDee said she was ordered to go
through a 30-day treatment program which
resulted in her staying sober for 10
months.
"It's hard. I'm a fun-loving person
that's partly why I'm an alcoholic-and
there's a lot of peer pressure to drink.
"Here I was, into being honest, and I'd
go to Little Bo's with my cousin and a guy
would ask if he could buy me a drink. I'd
say 'No, I'm an alcoholic'
"YOU CAN imagine how well that went
over. Pretty soon I got what we call "stink
ing thinking.' I told myself that all the guys
in the program were sissies because they sat
around and talked about how they were
hurt and that I was too young to be an
alcoholic.
'1 went out and drank and never went
back."
"Never lasted three years, during
which time DeeDee landed a job as a cock
tail waitress and got married. After reach
ing a point where she was sneaking drinks
behind her husband's back and after one
"last big drunk," DeeDee said, she turned
to A.A."
A.A. is a voluntary, worldwide fellow
ship of men and women whose only goals
are to attain and maintain sobriety. .
The fellowship was founded in 1935 by
Bill W., a New York stockbroker, and Dr.
Of the 12 steps, DeeDee said she
thought the moral inventory was the most
important. "
"The longer you drink, the more messed
up you are in your head from all the
rationalizing and justifying. You become
blind to yourself, so just coming to an A.A.
meeting and putting the plug in the jug is
The longer you drink, the more messed up
you are in your head from all the
rationalizing and justifying."
Bob, an Ohio surgeon, to help those who
suffered from the disease of alcoholism and
to keep themselves sober. Then, as now,
the only requirement for membership was
a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues
or fees.
Because members are guaranteed
anonymity, no membership lists are kept,
but it is established that there are nearly
30,000 groups and more than a million
members in 92 countries. There are 49
A.A. meetings every week in Lincoln.
THE A.A. PROGRAM, DeeDee said, is
one of total abstinence -members stay
away from one drink, one day at a time, by
working through 12 steps to recovery.
DeeDee said the 12 steps meant admit
ting that she was powerless over alcohol,
that her life had become unmanageable be
cause of it; believing in a power greater
than herself and turning her life over to the
care of God as she understood him; making
a '"searching and fearless" moral inventory
of herself; admitting her shortcomings; and
carrying the message to other alcoholics.
not enough"
, Working with a relative, friend, minister
or fellow member of the group, the A.A.
member compiles a detailed list of past
wrongs and shortcomings, makes a vow to
correct the misdeeds, and then burns the
list.
"BURNING IT IS symbolic-like getting
it out and feeling totally forgiven. It's like
a Catholic confession. What it does is force
you to face yourself, to see your strengths
and weakensses.
' ""With me, I realized I loved how I was
when I was drunk. I was funny and I could
say anything to anyone. Now I know I can
be a nice person without alcohol."
DeeDee said it is not necessary to be
religious in the traditional sense to benefit
from A.A., but that it is important to re
cognize there are some things in life over
which the individual has no control.
DeeDee also said she fou'nd it necessary
to change friends in order to maintain
sobriety. Although some people continue
to go to parties with their old friends.
DeeDee said she feels uncomfortable
around people who are drinking and even
becomes impatient with people who are
drunk.
She said A.A. provided a social group
and activities for her to meet new friends
men and women who understood and help
ed her maintain sobriety.
The mutual support from members
within the group is another basic part of
A.A. and DeeDee said it has two purposes.
"LISTENING TO 'drunkalogues'-peo,
pie telling what it was like when they
drank, what made them see their problem
and how it's been since they stopped-at
open meetings, a lot of times helps people
to see themselves.
"A lot of times there are people in the
room who don't consider themselves
alcoholics-men, they hate that word-but
it never fails, when someone starts talking
about how he acted when he drank, you
can see yourself."
And, she added, "drunk rescuing" is
good insurance for veteran members.
"It's kind of good not to forget the
past, good to tell your story. Then you re
member how bad it was and remember that
you don't want to go back."
For that reason, DeeDee said she
always recommends regular attendance at
A.A. meetings.
"It's kind of like believing in God-you
never, ever finish it. It's an ongoing thing.
You finish the 12 steps, then you start
over.
"I met a person at a banquet two weeks
ago, and he said it best of all. Now this
man has 31 years of sobriety, and people
kept asking him why he still went to meet
ings." He told them that going to a meeting
is, to him, just like taking a bath.
"It's kind of like just another health
habit. We do have a disease, and we do
have to keep taking our medicine.