frlday, march 2, 1070
dally ncbraskan
When the shoelaces snap, put away the saffron robes
I cop-out on one out of every three columns, Some
times because what's written ihw hits too lose to Some
personal bones. Other times because they just don'tinake,
.much sense. I
The latter columns mak? it into the paper more often
than not, and are mistaken by the powers that be as ex
ercises in metaphysics. Actually they are exercises In self
indulgence, but don't tell the copy desk. They've taken to
wearing saffron robes on Wednesday afternoons, and I'd
hate to see them go back to studded leather.
This week I'm coppingout again. The column I
originally wrote isn't the one you're reading. The only dif
ference at this turn of the screw is that I decided to admit
that this is a "flatuation" column. Something to get me
over the bloodletting I'd like to do, but can't,
It's nothing new.
Objective reporting
The primordial ooze this column climbed out of was
some muck called "iournalese". That is the mythical lan
guage that, said with a little judgment, you could almost
objectively report an event. The problems were, obvious.
Who's judgment?
My first lesson lfi ethics came four years ago when I
wasn't allowed to print the backstage goings on at a major
rock concert. The general editorial policy at that time was
"itVonly rock 'n roll, but we like It." No sex, no drugs,
and as far as I could tell, no reality, This would repeat
itself over the years-knock down drag out fights over the
use of language considered to be obscene, (and then
watching the disputed words getting used in headlines)
gritting my teeth during chortles over sexist panderings,
and finally screaming about the in-group indulgence that
passed for "image.".
My own indulgences bubbled over one day when
writing up a straight press release on the university radio
station. I called KRNU "Lincoln't own tower of Babble"
and realized that this wasn't purely objective.
Self-indulgent being
1 said "screw it, Put my name on it," and lo, a column
was born. The original Idea was that I was a biased and
terribly self-indulgent being. As long as that was the case,
it might as well be up front. It seemed reasonable to me,
and editorially, it was an easy way out. Since that time
the major philosophy around here has been "leave him
alone, he's got rabies" or more specifically, "humor him."
It's been a long, sweet honeymoon ever since.
I liked what Charles Bukowski called "ordinary
madness." He said that it wasn't the major tragedies in life
that caused a person to go crazy, but the constant series
of small tragedies-like a shoelace breaking-that caused
a man to die inside.
I wanted each column to be like a broken shoelace,
something small and personal. Something, 1 hoped, out of
the scope of what the paper could possibly cover. I
wanted to throw away the illusion of non-bJased reporting
and focus in on a specific community of college students,
and chronicle the ups and downs from a personal view. To
focus on the specific individual instead of die total
picture. The alternate personal reality.
Column breakdown
Originally It was an experiment. Lately it's been a
nightmare. The "alternate personal reality" has seen two
suicides, three rapes, and more breakdowns of one kind
or another in the past two years than I care to mention.
One of the breakdowns' has been this column.
I'm beginning to see the other side of the coin. Too
much personal bias. I can't stand by with a pencil and pad
and take notes while a friend bleeds. My inability to write
about or deal with several issues, has been chronicled In a
long series of-fantasies that have been fun to write, but
costly in the vein of what I would like to do.
This manifests itself in 60-line diatribes on the way my
stomach rumbles, and instructive columns on how to toss
your cookies.
Meanwhile in the background I can hear the distinc
tive sound of another friend's shoelace snapping and I
can't really find the words to talk about the issues it
encompasses.
I'm beginning to think it's time for the pros to step in.
Continued from Page 4
t lied about not defending him. , ,
It is also father redundant to stress the cheating of the
Greeks. The regents ate cbhsemtive; What else is new on
campus? Professor Erlandson's attendance policy is based
upon his desire for an interested, Attentive class.
History, like Philosophy, is virtually useless to the
"hirjng institutions" you have dedicated your life to, but
I'm sure you have no qualms about mercilessly boring
those students who are forced into your classes by the
Arts and Sciences Group Requirements (Useless Depart
ment Subsidizing Program).
Sure, I'm being harsh", but there are overwhelming
problems in the grading structure around here, and you
lashed out against a different interpretation without any
idea of what you were talking about.
Granted Mr. Prentiss efficiently used the tools of his
trade (quoting incorrectly, quoting out of context,
careless interviewing, careless research and the manipu
lation of facts for humorous andor journalistic purposes).
I have an idea. Before you write your retraction and
apology, talk to Doug. Talk to a few of his students. Talk
to me. Sit in on some of his classes. I'm sure he will
forgive you. But be forewarned. If you persist in
producing columnous amounts of uninformed, mindless
and biased garbage, the university will probably tenure
you.
JeffKlopping
Mathematics Major
Philosophy Minor
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