friday, december 15, 1978
page 14
daily stopaskan
opium comments
Stopaskan thanks ANUS for a real good time
Trollop! the ANUS President
called me. Why I've 'alf a mind to
tell Mm we'll never again in his
stinkin' life cover that 'ol ANUS
meeting of theirs.
We've been good to 'im. We sent
Smelly Shith to cover thoses bloody
boring meetin's of theirs. Poor girl,
she's got to sit there for hours,
listening to Rocky (shut your)
Trapp, a ANUS senator, go on and
on about wether or not a bill should
come out of committee or not. They
spent an entire night babblin' on
about that and poor Smelly had 40
lines ta fill.
Why Ken Bambino even 'ad the
nerve to call me unchase. Now I'd
expect that from Senator Joseph of
Nigro who kept arguin' that cuz the
Daily Stopaskan gets student fees
they should be able ta pass a bloody
resolution sayin' we should be 'en
couraged ta cover more campus
events.
I got up ta talk, not too well, but
I got up nevertheless and told 'im
their resolution was like urinatin'
in a strong north wind.
But I must admit that their
suggestion ta cover more
Campus events wasn't too bad. So
we sent a reporter out ta cover
some more Hast Campus events.
The reporter talked ta a few steers
and got a great story, but when 'e
got around ta talkin' ta some cow
boys 'e couldn't get more than ta
words out of 'im.
Actually it's a good thin' that
ANUS didn't pass their resolution,
cuz we would 'ave taken Smelly
Shith off the ANUS beat and put 'er
on full time coverage of East
Campus.
mail wail
Dear Editor:
Support organized religion! Another
sheep in the flock is worth 900 in the bush.
Jim "Dad" Jones
COWPIE CAMPII
Dearest Editor:
Your coverage of East Campus stinks!
Bessie
East Campus
Animal lab
In loco parent i
Hey you:
We would allow you to have alcohol on
campus, but you are too damn immature
to control yourselves. Only adults are
allowed to pee on bushes, light bonfires,
expand the stadium and tell you you have
to sleep with those of your own sex.
Ha, Ha, Ha
HOP Bored of Rodents
i rosh high on HOP
Dear Editor,
It's that time of year to reflect on our
blessings and as a Harvard of the Plains
(HOP) freshman I have many blessings that
I'd like to share with everyone.
First of all, I want to thank the admin
istration for treating me as an individual.
It's great to feel that you're part of the
system. I only wisli more people would re
fer to me by my social security number.
This semester I would have forgotten
my name if it wasn't for my mother call
ing me by name on the phone. Isn't that
neat! Another thing that made me feel
like 1 was a part of the system was filling
out forms. After filling out 6,666 forms,
I know that everyone on the HOP campus
knows who I am .
In relation to filling out forms, a very
touching situation occurred to me on the
way to the restroom the other day. As I
reached for the knob to open the door, a
lady in a white dress jumped out from be
hind the door and asked me to fill out a
form for the HOP administration before I
used the restroom.
How thoughtful, the administration
wants to make sure that I don't suffer from
irregularity .
Physical exercise was also provided for
HOP students this year. Standing in line at
least twice a day is not an easy task. Great
concentration is required while breathing
and edging along at one inch per hour. Not
Not to mention the extensive exercise re
ceived while standing in line for food,
registration, drop and add, the use of the
restroom, to get into the Onion doors,
to catch a bus, to talk to an adviser, to use
the phone, and to get into a classroom. I
think the President's Council on Physical
Fitness is missing a lot of good candidates
because they don't take time to look at the
non-athletic students. Thanks HOP for
keeping me physically fit.
Drink
Kook-Aid . .
to be sure.
900 people
can't be
wrong!
SSlThe s &M Shp has a fullf
F JmStock of whips and chains t
H II II welt-giving pleasure. fif
M The S & M Shop 940 Dungeon Ln. IA
g 0 0 g 0 g 0 0 P 0 P 0 0 0 Q 0 0 0 0 0 0 o q p ff q q p MHUUj,
SJULS
okids
--the condom made in heaven
for all you lil' devils.
100 effective Reuseable Nice to look at
Easy to install Unbreakable
Lubricated with SAE 40 wt. Only 1995 per 100
That's right! Nokds are 100 effect 100!
It's because Notdds are so thick! Nov you don't have to
worry about her getftig PG. because you can fee) a thing!
But mat's not al Just look at the benefits tsted above!
o Cmon be a Nokids guy1 Shel bwe you far t!
g-BJULB figgPffggg MJLUSSJLSJLASIJJJJJ g 8 B.t.K
Being a freshman, I found that I luckily
belonged to the homey atmosphere of the
dorm. I and 10,000 other students were
made to feel right at home. The cooks pre
pared food fit for a king. I never knew any
one could make pumpkin pie with a black
top. That's not the only delicious dish
those galloping gourmets were able to
come up with. Their speciality without a
doubt was fried chicken which was avail
able every Sunday. Truly a change" of pace.
A further benefit of living in the dorm for
me was being temporarily housed in the
dorm lounge for the semester. The study
ing I got done was unreal. Can you believe
it, I'm actually carrying a 1.5 CPA. Boy,
will my parents be proud!
I'm also very thankful for the social life
I have been able to experience while at
HOP. Imagine a gathering of 1,000
students in the middle of 16th Street. That
was the best block party I've ever been to.
We burned wood, cars, couches, pianos,
and unfortunately, one person got a bit
charred. It was such a good party that the
police took some of the people away to
make a party of their own at the police
station. That wasn't the only good party
I went to during the semester.
Babs Richdaddy
Greek Graiin
Dear GDI Editor:
We are sick and tired of the way you
handle stories concerning Greeks. It's
obvious that you don't like or understand
us.
We built the bonfire on 16th Street, we
help rip down the goal posts and we did
say those things in the pledge stories and
those "dirty" sex stories you wrote about.
But you don't print things like that.
You won't have us to kick around any
more. Next time editor-in-chief is cho
sen, we'll get a "real" editor in and we'll
print only good news. The world doesn't
want to hear negative news.
Think of how great the papers were
back in the 50s when the lead story was
about panty raids.
Love and kisses,
J. Wayne Andreesen
Wretched Jonestown
D
" CIS
II . i '!
Photo by Mork Willingly
Editor in Chief Carnal Anguish says
farewell to the Daily Stopaskan
staffers with tears in her eyes and
smiles on their faces.
&fje Bail? ikopasfean
Editor in chief; Carnal Anguish. Managing
editor: Bossie Almonds. News editor: Tamale
Pee. Associate news editor: Ellen AKA EK
Casacassacasaccio and Flushdajohn Mimic. Night
news editor: Whiffed Under. Layout editor:
Miz Leered. Entertainment editor: Kissy
McCoque. Sports editor: Gym Shorts. Photo
graphy chief: Theodopolous Kirkopolous (de
ceased). Art director: Jacques Ragsin. Magazine
editor: Aimee Simple McBoingboing. Magazine
managing editor: Mary Go Down.
Copy editors: Jelly Dimming, Dub Enema,
Quim Hatchacha, Lyin Position, Shoe Shaker,
Dibs Shamalam, Mongrel Snapper and Jorge
Write-off.
Business manager: Jerki Haslira. Production
manager: Kinky LaPricky. Advertising manager:
Demise Hardon. Assistant advertising manager:
Usta Peters.
The Daily Stopaskan is published by the UNL
Prepubescence Boys, whenever they feel like it,
except on Whitsunday, Guy Fawkes Day and
Candice Bergen's birthday.
Address: Daily Stopaskan, Basement, Armed
Services YMCA, Cheyenne, Wyo., 7868687464.
Telephone, one ring, then three, then one again.
Ask for Wilma or Spike.
Material may be reprinted without permission
if attributed to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, except
material covered by a layer of pelican droppings.
Twelfth class postage paid by Ralph in Butte,
Montana with monopoly money.
V r
I'm an Unreal Woman.
Look at me. Good stuff.
I'm so good it's unreal!
My cigarette is so good it's unreal too.
It is Unreal.
The Lightweight Contender.
Why so light?
Because it's plastic The tube ... is hollow. Practically worthless.
And so am I!
Smoke Unreal . . .
the plastic cigarette
for unreal people.
No tar. no nicotine,
just a hoflow pbste tube that mefts in or mouth.
m in ii i
Unreal
r
m
