sexuality
sexual counseling involves emotional treatment
by lucy bighia
eople with sexual problems no longer
need to secretly despair of ever being
"normal" -sexual counseling has come out
of the closet and help is as close as the
nearest telephone.
Most sexual problems can be cleared up
with counseling or additional information,
according to several Lincoln counselors.
Jane Kinsey, a clinical social worker at
the Lancaster County Community Mental
Health Center, said couples that feel
"turned off toward each other are the
most frequent patrons of the center.
" 'I don't feel like I wanna with my
partner,' " is a common complaint, Kinsey
said.
A couple with this problem is usually
not getting along in other areas, she said.
The man may have stopped loving his wife,
or lover, he may be a poor lover, or he
may be domineering and authoritarian, she
said. Dr. Kinsey said the problem might be
a result of a "childhood hand-up."
" 'My father was this way, and men like
that turn me off,' " is an example, she said.
She said the center treats the emotional
aspects of sexual problems.
Kinsey called the center an "emotional
treatment agency." Counselors can give
technical information, but usually work
more along the lines of emotion, she said.
"Basically, sex is 90 percent in the head,
it's the thinking part where the problem
is," she said.
A counselor-educator at Planned Parent
hood, Mary Stilwell, said Planned Parent
hood also works primarily with the emot
ional aspects of sexual problems.
Stilwell agreed with Kinsey that,
"Attitudes and values we acquire during
childhood affect how we feel about our
sexuality as adults."
Stilwell said the length of counseling is
determined by both the patient and her
self, and ranges from one session to four or
five months.
Sometimes all that is needed is accurate
information about sexual attitudes and be
haviors, she said.
"Explaining behaviors or what certain
behaviors mean can make the person more
confident."
Most clients come in alone, and it is up
to them whether to involve the other
person, Stilwell said. She said she generally
counsels people in their early to mid-20's.
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Photo by Tim Ford
Bill Dick, social worker for Family
Services.
Stilwell said she believes the most com
mon concern is "Am I normal-are my feel
ings normal, are my thoughts normal?"
"In some ways, the culture really sets
up pretty high standards for people," she
said.
Carol Rogers, who practices sexual dys
function therapy with her husband Dr.
Joseph Rogers, agreed with Stilwell that
many people today feel they have high
sexual standards to live up to.
"The available reading material, such as
periodicals, is doing more to confuse
people than to help them, by increasing
their sexual expectations," Rogers said.
"So consequently, many couples miss the
pleasure along the way by striving for
something that for many people is quite
unattainable."
An example of this would be simultani
ous orgasm, she said.
Like Stilwell, Rogers said her field of
counseling is strictly sexual.
When she and her husband began coun
seling they were only seeing couples in
their early 20's, Rogers said. But in the
past six months older couples, up to 57
years old, have been coming to them.
The most common problems are pre
mature ejaculation, impotence, and non- or
"pre -orgasmic" women, she said.
a
We
feve gotten away trom l-reud s
'frigid' woman; frigid implies that there is
no hope," she said. "The term now is 'pre
orgasmic,' which means simply that the
woman has not gotten there yet, and leaves
all kinds of room for hope and optimism."
Rogers said they have had a 90-95 per
cent cure rate with patients with this
problem.
The patients come for counseling every
two weeks, and are given assignments, such
as communication exercises, to do between
sessions, she said.
Rogers said she and her husband basical
ly follow Masters and Johnsons' treatment,
but incorporate other teachings, too.
A typical "homework assignment" for a
couple would be "caress exercises"-non-genital
first and then genital- with in
structions to avoid intercourse, she said.
Rogers said nearly all who seek counsel
ing, especially women, also suffer from low
self-esteem.
A married couple frequentl encounters
sexual problems if" the two were living to
gether before the marriage, she added.
"Living together is sexually not a
marvelous basis for marriage," Rogers said.
"Once the couple gets married, their sex
lives start going downhill."
This is usually caused by a reversion to
traditional roles, she explained.
"When married, people tend to feel they
have each have certain traditional duties,
she said, "and this carries over into the
bedroom. A woman who was aggressive be
fore the marriage (when living together)
will not make the first overtures after the
Photo by Tim Ford
Mary Stilwell, counselor-educator at
Planned Parenthood of Lincoln.
marriage."
Bill Dick, a social worker for Family
Services, said the center also provides
sexual counseling, but doesn't offer as
much in the way of dysfunction therapy as
the Rogers do.
The difference between sexual counsel
ing and dysfunction therapy is a matter of
degree, Dick said.
If problems can be solved through the
interaction of the people involved, then the
problem is still a dysfunction, but not
severe enough to require outside help, he
said.
Family Services currently deals with
sexual issues in a limited way only, Dick
said, because of staff and funding shortages.
m
Lost of the people who seek counsel
ing at the center are between the ages of
lb and 4U, and usually come as couples.
Dick said some common problems are
lack of orgasm, vaginismus-the muscles
around the vagina contract so as not to
allow intercourse, impotence, and pre
mature ejaculation.
Referral of patients for dysfunction
therapy is based on the extremeness of the
problem, he said. If information, sharing,
or simple exercises can solve the problem,
the center will provide the counseling.
"If you can just say to a man, 'Hey,
many people have problems with
impotence,' it frees people up a whole lot,
and they can relax and deal with it," he
said. If such things don't work, then the
patient would be referred elsewhere, Dick
said.
Dr. James Cole, a UNL psychology pro
fessor, said the UNL Psychology Con
sultation Center provides sexual counsel
ing 3lso
1 h- enter is part of a training program
for graduate psychology students, Cole
said.
Cole agreed with Dick that the most
common sexual problems deal with
impotence, ejaculatory or orgasmic dys
function. Typically, inabilities to perform sexual
ly are related to some kind of underlying
anxiety or guilt, Cole said.
"If you're taught that sex is dirty, than
youll have trouble performing sexually
later in life," he said.
Problems with a relationship, such as an
insensitive husband who makes sex un
pleasant, are another cause for sexual dif
ficulties. Cole said.
Another CNL facility that provides sex
ual counseling is the Mental Health Depart
ment of the L'NL Student Health Center.
However. Dr. Carmen Grant, a cUnical
psychologist for the center, said the center
gets few requests specifically for sexual
counseling.
"More often, students are coming in
worKing on relationships, and sexual coun
seling is just a part of that," Grant said.
friday, november 10. 1978
page 6
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