roommate market crowded with lemons
by patti jo peterson
T inding a roommate
is likeAbuying a car-you
have to be careful not to get
a lemon.
In my college experience,
I've had many fruits for
roommates, and although
they've come in various
shapes and sizes, I've found
there are basic ones on the
market you should avoid.
The sneakiest roommate
you can get stuck with is a
two for one. After content
edly signing a lease to share
an apartment, you learn
she's equipped with another
roommate -her boyfriend.
He doesn't pay rent, sleeps in the living
room all day, and drinks your cranberry
juice for breakfast. He wishes you would
leave your $225 a month apartment so he
can watch his favorite television shows and
be alone with your roommate. He spends
most of his time in the bathroom or bed
room, and you always wonder why he
never seems to have anywhere to go.
Don't try getting your roommate to
deal with her boyfriend. Swept with
passion and love for this imbecile, she can't
be dealt with rationally at this point.
Direct your strategy at him.
it ft Jrf
f.
.or a couple or weeks, don t leave
unless it's absolutely necessary and for no
more than an hour at a time.
Insist on watching television shows like
the "Newlywed Game," "The Love Boat,"
and "James at 15."
Buy only enough food to last one per
son for one meal. Spend a lot of time in
the bathroom, and, at the end of the
month, ask him for one-third the rent.
Invite your most obnoxious friends for
a Tequilla Sunrise party on a night your
roommates expect to spend a quiet even
ing at home.
If all fails, consider moving.
One of the most common fruits is the
nocturnal roommate. Usual
ly found in dormatories, she
sleeps all day, skips classes,
then at 10 p.m., just when
your nuzzling down for a
few dreams, she wakes up
screaming.
"I'm flunking. But who
cares."
Fits of giggles follow,
until she finds others of her
kind who invade your room,
pull out the booze and
spend the night deciding
they don't care about any
thing. Although rmirder seems a
promising end for the
nocturnal roommate, peace
loving people should buy a good set of
earplugs, a heavy duty pillow, and get used
to sleeping in headgear.
The anti-clean roommate challenges
your stamina. She lives under the personal
philosophy that cleanliness is next to
misery, and youH usually find her under
wear under your bed.
Her very presence propagates mold and
deterioration, so prepare to find old food
stuck in dresser drawers, under desks, and
inside your sheets.
Lysol, used once a day, is the only
effective treatment for the anti-clean room
mate. Encourage her to use it in her bath
water.
t
.he perfect roommate is beautiful.
friendly, popular, well-adjusted, and com
passionate. Avoid her at all costs. She is
disgusting.
The bride-to-be must be the most boring
roommate of all. With stars in her eyes, she
looks loaded. But she's only thinking of
her upcoming wedding.
Her major problem is deciding whether
the reception mints should match the
napkins or the floral arrangements.
Excitement keeps her from sleeping,
T?ooh"rfT
and as she tosses and turns, bridesmaids
dressed in shades of chartreuse dance
through her head.
Out of all these desolute roommates,
only one emerges with promise-the
absentee. She lives with her boyfriend
without her parents knowledge and comes
home only to pay gas, electricity, and rent.
The only problem arises when her
parents call at 8 a.m. Sunday wondering
where their daughter is. The experienced
liar quips back that she's in the shower, out
for donuts, or on her way to church.
landlords have tales of mistreatment
by mary jane winquest
t
,he stories are fre
quently heard among stu
dents about the landlord
who never fixes the broken
window or the landlord who
doesn't return the deposit
or the landlord who evicts a
student for no reason.
But few hear the land
lord side of stories-including
the tales of students
who overhaul motorcycles
in living rooms, or the
students who raise mari
juana or the students who
knock holes in the walls.
The the stories are there,
too.
"They told my wife they were tomato
plants," Darrell Brown said of students
who were evicted for growing marijuana in
their apartments.
Brown went on to call four UNL foot
ball players wo knocked a hole in an apart
ment wall "animals." They also broke
screens and ruined the carpet when rain
poured in open windows they had climbed
in and out of, he said.
But although he has other stories,
Brown said students are no worse than
other tenants and that 70 percent of his
student tenants treat the property well.
"I don't want you to think we are
taking pot shots at students," he said.
Mrs. Daryl Burch said the kind of tenant
a person is cannot be judged by his
outward appearance.
"It basicafly has to do with the way
they were brought up," she explained. "If
they were brought up neat they will stay
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neat."
Burch said she has had
problems with tenants who
sneak dogs into apartments
despite a rule against pets.
Damage occurs when a
tenant moves in or out of an
apartment, she added.
3 he said that the
$100 deposit she requires
does not begin to pay for
the maintenance on refriger
ators, ranges, dishwashers
and carpeting and drapes.
According to Angie
Mefford, manager of Jones
Apartments, noise is the big
gest problem with student
tenants. Mefford rents 110 units, 80 per
cent to students.
Mefford said, in general, students keep
apartments in good shape and she hasn't
taken a tenant to court since she became a
manager a year ago.
Burch hasn't been that lucky.
"I'm in the process of taking someone
to court now," she said. "This particular
party hasn't paid their rent for months and
are to be served an eviction notice today."
In order to prevent problems, the
Browns said they belong to a rental own
er's association that lists by social security
number information about tenants.
Whether the person has promptly paid his
rent is included in the type of information
recorded .
Burch said female tenants are generally
neater than boys and she rents only to
them. She said she relies on the damage
deposit as her only insurance against a de
structive tenant.
BUT, HE'S MY ROOMMATE!
I
NO PETS!
i
Mefford said she completes a thorough
check or. prospective tenants. She checks
wth employers, previous landlords, record
the persons driver's license number and re
quires a nine to 1 2 month lease.
friday, September 8, 1978
fathom
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