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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 6, 1978)
Wednesday, September 6, 1978 daily nebraskan page 5 letter I am writing as a result of the recent, nationwide publicity given to cloning. I wish to point out, to the ignorant among you, that clones are not a product of the space-age, as some of you humans would prefer to believe. Indeed, we clones have been around for thousands of years. In order to avoid unnecessary flak from the "religious community", I won't comment on just WHO the . world's first clone actually was. I do, however, wish to take this oppor tunity to announce that I, Bill Hathcock, am a clone. I'm not the only one either. In fact some of my best friends are clones, and we are fed up to our test tubes with the current talk about cloning. Point in question: I (and my entire family of me's) sit down after an impossi ble day's work (on an assembly line, of course) in an attempt to squeeze out some simple entertainment from the different media available to us. In so doing, we de liver myselves from the hum-drum molds of every day life, and we are literally bom barded by such forms of outright abuse as: A) almost-daily news stories blatantly insinuating that test-tube babies are far superior to clones; B) remarks that cloning is best left to the plants; C) talk about the clones' life-style being incestuous; D) warnings that too-much cloning around will beget bad reputations; E) and lastly, but not leastly, the utter rudeness of today's popular (or is it notorious?) comedians who seem to be hopping on the "Ethnic Joke of the Eight ies" bandwagon by inventing clone jokes. TTiey aU must think they are real cute, but if the truth be known, we clones in vented the clone joke over 1500 years ago -only we always referred to them as "human jokes." Invasion imminent Solution: The time has come for all reasonable talk to end, and for action to begin. We have banded together to form a clan of radical clones (which has been given the subtle name of "The Clone Invasion Forces") who are dedicated to erasing the humanoids from the face of the earth. One minor problem: Someone on our staff (we can't tell who, as we all look alike) accidentally erased WA minutes of our computer tape containing the addresses of our clones, so we can't contact all of you to send you our battle plans. So, we are requesting that all clones send a self-addressed, stamped no. 10 envelope to: Clone Invasion Forces Enlistment Center P.O. Box 2469 Santa Cruz, CA 95063 No jokes Please don't send any photos of your self, as we already know what you look like. And, don't send any exploding letters either, clones have X-ray vision, and we don't take lightly to practical jokes. Note to interested humanoids: If you are interested in assisting us in our takeover of the world (for which you will receive "special considerations" in the end) you may write, too. But, don't try to lie we clones are much too smart for mat. P.S. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. IF YOU HAVE NOT ENLISTED BY THE TIME THE INVASION STARTS' YOU WILL BE ON THE ANNIHILATION LIST. THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS. Bill Hathcock Communication Officer Clone Invasion Forces 408426-7141 Uncle Sam s with the tielp of one of the city's -finest dance studios is going to teach Lincoln the latest dance steps' Every Wed tegining Stpth you II receive tree admission and tree dance instructions in our club So join the 1un at Uncle Sam s ' ft TfijO 25th&"" I doors open at 8 :00 I J J 1 1 I It IWV V X. TVW' 1 I l IIUW5 I K II 1 1 11 A cm ; J.II.II-IIIII1.II..IIIII..1I -JII.lll.IU III. SD 19173 Mfg's List $7.98 NOW $4.99 FNGI AND DAN ft JOHN FORD COLE YC "SOME THINGS DON'T , YOU CANT DANCE WEU NEVER HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE AGAIN BT 76006 Mfg's List $7.98 NOW $4.99 Open 8-5, Monday -Saturday jRioftJ Cards I k-e:& welcome mm. JL i visa' jrr"x 1135 R FREE Turn-on T-shirt Get a free T-shirt for turning on Marvelous Max, Gateway Campus Bank 's 24-hour teller machine. Come to the Campus Bank in the Nebraska Union or the Main Bank at Gateway Shopping Center and try out Max. During the next three weeks while supplies last, you'll get a T-shirt just for trying out Max! MEMBER Marvelous Max is the 24-hour teller that's ready when you are . . . make deposits, withdrawals, money transfers . even check your balance anytime night or day! And when you open a $300 checking or savings account, you'll npf a fr fin Rin RaH nift 3 - 3 - a charm for the gals or a tie tack for the guys! So come on' Turn on Marvelous Max! Stasis Gifts wuuws MISS YOU RESPECTABLE COC39108 Mfg's List $7.98 NOW $4.99 432-0111 K7J A I F DIC I A H i n t u w m
