page 4
daily nebraskan
Wednesday, august 30, 1978
opinioneditorial
Denying rights outrage
Anne Follis, national president of
Housewives for ERA may prove to have
the ability to win over women who feel
ratification of the Equal Rights
Amendment will take rights away from
them.
Follis may be able to reach the more
conservative faction because she is a
self-professed homemaker and Christian.
Her reasoning and manner are down
to earth. She does not rock traditional
views, but promotes mutual respect and
rights for women.
Follis points out that the Constitu
tion was never intended to include
women and that the 14th Amendment
was written to protect the rights of
black men, not women.
America xnight to ponder this point,
because it's one thing to ignore women's
rights, but to deny them rights is an outrage.
The first week of classes can be
frustrating, especially when students
have to go through drop and add. There
are lines to get in to the Nebraska Union
Ballroom, lines to get to the bursar,
lines to add a class, lines to drop a class
and lines to check out.
The people manning these battle sta
tions should be commended for the
patient, helpful and optimistic attitudes
they have shown students.
But administrators must come up
with some alternatives when students
are put on waiting lists for classes. When
classes are closed, students must either
track down a teacher and get permission
to take the class or put their name on a
waiting list. This can take its toll on stu
dents when they need a class for a
requirement or end up taking a class
simply because it's open.
Political candidate's intinerary
planned by busy advance man
A candidate comes to town, makes a
speech, shakes some hands and rides in a
parade, a fairly routine day in any
campaign.
A routine day made possible by the
little known but highly important advance
men of a campaign.
Every campaign has someone who per
forms advance functions, from the candi
date in lower level races to a small army of
people working for a presidential nominee.
Don Waggoner of Omaha has seen
advance people work in the eighteen
campaigns he has participated in and did
advance work for the Ronald Reagan
campaign in 1968.
"The primary function of the advance
man is personal and logistical support for
the candidate, Waggoner said.
"He is responsible for the well-being and
welfare of the candidates when he is in his
(the advance man's) area."
An advance man has "quite a bit of
authority" over what the candidate does in
a particular appearance, Waggoner said, be
cause he coordinates the candidates itiner
ary, security and the route the candidate
will take.
A presidential campaign employs 1 2 to
36 advance people, depending upon the
schedule, success and popularity of a candi
date, he said.
"A president campaigning for seven
days will have 25 advance men, but that is
the exception," Waggoner said. "The aver
age is 16 to 18 for national campaigns..'
As a candidate's popularity increases
and he gains a traveling press corps, which
follows him regularly, the candidate is
forced to send two advance men on each
trip, one to schedule the candidate and one
to take care of the press, he said.
Continued on page 5
Renter loses apartment in the 'war of the cockroaches'
By John Ortmann
The paleontologists are all wrong.
Dinosaurs did not become extinct 60
million years ago. They are alive and living
in my apartment. They may have six legs
and long feelers and be a little smaller than
a Tyrannosaurus rex, but they are monsters
all the same.
Upon awakening from my first night's
sleep in my new apartment, I was surprised
to see two of these prehistoric relics
making off with my refrigerator. I got the
drop on them with a 12 gauge shotgun and
was trying to make up my mind whether to
call the police or the exterminators when
one of them told me that the resident
cockroaches had first claim to all the apart
ment's furnishings. It was in the lease, he
said.
humor
So it was. It seems they have a control
ling interest in the building.
Contract not enforced
Not believing a contract made with an
invertebrate was enforcable, I went ahead
and declared chemical war on the squat
ters. I bought a two-gallon can of the latest
industrial-strength insecticide, complete
with hose and nozzle, and soaked down the
entire interior surface of my apartment.
I suffered mild headaches, stomach
cramps, convulsions and double vision for a
week, but as I didn't see any roaches I was
satisfied it was worth it.
Then one night I entered the bathroom
on a mission of great urgency. After
switching on the light I stood, amazed, be- you get one started, you can usually tree
cause I didn't know snapping turtles occur- him in a corner because they can't crawl
red in apartment buildings. They don't of under anything.
course, it was just a baby roach. I left my Doberman with instructions
There is one advantage to having to tear the insect limb from limb if moved
roaches this size. They are so big, that if and then went and got my can of roach
spray.
Rolling a cigarette
When I came back the bug was picking
his teeth with one of the dog's ribs and
rolling a cigarette. He asked me for a
match.
Vowing not to be Baron's death go un
avenged, I let the killer have a burst full in
the face. It appeared to make him high.
After finally dispatching the roach with
an ax I went back to bed with grave mis
givings about the effectiveness of my in
secticide. My misgivings were confirmed the next
day when I found a group of juvenile
roaches in the closet mainlining the re
mainder of the can.
I explained the problem to an ecologist
friend of mine, who advised me to restore
the balance of nature to the apartment. If
the prey species were too numerous, I had
to introduce some predator species, he
said.
I bought a half-doven tarantulas about
the size of dinner plates and turned them
loose with high hopes.
All was quiet for a few days until I was
awakened one noon by hoof beats. An
enterprizing roach had broken the trantul
as to harness and was using a six-spider
hitch to haul around tour groups of out-of-town
roaches for a buck a head.
Next, I tried councilation. I collared the
head roach and demanded that he and his
tribe pay a share of the rent, in return for a
halt in hostilities on my part. He agreed
and we shook on it.
That was a month ago. I have not seen a
penny of rent and my now legitimate
roommates overwhelm me with requests to
use my blow dryer, shampoo and tooth
brush. One of them just borrowed my car
to drive to the liquor store.
I would move out, but the head roach
insists I pay rent until the lease expires in
June.
President's policy on tobacco like spitting in the wind
Who savs President Carter waffles on
the issues? Look at the forthright stand
he's taken on tobacco.
He's firmly in favor of spending millions
in federal subsidies to encourage tobacco
fanners to grow more of the stuff. And he is
equally firmly in favor of spending millions
in federal grants to persuade the public to
stop smoking it.
This makes a great deal of sense. As he
told the tobacco farmers on a recent politi
cal swing through North Carolina, they
were all decent God-fearing folks who de
served to be rewarded by their government
for dieir "backbreaking labor" in raising
such a "beautiful quality" of plant that has
killed so many of their fellow Americans.
Their devotion to this kind of "honest
work," he said, should be held up as an
example to us all.
At the same time, he has no choice but
to support his administration's program to
dissuade America's 55 million smokers
from killing themselves. Manv of these
people are Democrats.
The Great Tobacco Gap'
While understandably logical, Mr.
Carter's efforts to encourage production
while discouraging consumption have un-
arthur hoppe
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I ui i uuai v ij
created what has becom
known in Washington as "The Great
Tobacco Gap"- a growing problem that
calls for desparate measures.
Already hard at work on seeking other
uses for tobacco is a team of dedicated
scientists headed by Dr. Homer T. Petti-
bone, presidential assistant for desparate
measures.
So far, Dr. Pettibone said, the re
searchers have developed a tobacco paste
which, when nabbed on the nose, made an
exceUent insect repellent, as well as
tobacco pellets which had proved effective
on worming armadilloes, iguanas and other
scaly household pets.
Experiments were also underway, he
said, in employing tobacco as a mulch to
discourage earwigs, mattress stuffing for
federal pentientiaries. a barbecue briquet
m mosquito-infested areas and, most prom
ising, as an automotive fuel.
"We th'"Ht um htA u
i- i j I "v ""VJ c,,ciKy crisis
licked when we were getting 3.2 miles city
and 4.1 nules country by EPA test on a
carton of filter kings." he said "But after
a while every time we lit uVdamn thine
it coughed, gasped and died "
Pilot program
Pettibone reserves his highest hopes,
however, for the "Stick It in Your Ear'"
pilot program now being conducted in
South Boston.
"Our studies have shown that smokers
have an uncontrollable desire to take a
paper-wrapped tube of dried out tobacco
leaves, set fire to it, and insert it in their
mouths," he explained. "It is this last
that is hazardous to their health. Tests
with laboratory rats prove that inserting
tubes of burning tobacco into their ears
is absolutely harmless - as long as they are
removed soon enough."
Thus the White House seems on the
verge of achieving the president's clear-cut
goal of increasing tobacco production with
out injuring the health of his constituency
Watch for Mr. Carter, himself, on televi
sion voicing the slogan of his well-thought
out policy: Stick It In Your Ear.
America!"