Wednesday, august 23, 1978
page 6
daily nebraskan
A student takes a tour into the University s future . . .
By Eileen Babka
"Welcome, tou'rpersons, to the Uni
versity of Nebraska Historical Museum,"
the voice said. The voice seemed to
surround the room.
"I hope that your walk from the
parking area was enjoyable. I would like to
take a few minutes to inform you of our
parking facilities. The parking lots where
you have just come from are the original
parking lots that students used prior to
"Proclamation Date." The four convenient
humor
lots, located near Wahoo, Seward, Beatrice,
and Mead are former river bottoms.
The university purchased the land in
1982 in order to solve the student parking
problem. One unexpected benefit of locat
ing parking lots in rivers was discovered in
1983 by Officer Jones of Campus Security.
Jones observed that the areas did not
require to be policed as often as in the
past.
Students who parked their cars facing
the wrong direction would find that the
rivers carried the car downstream. By plac
ing sub-stations near the mouth of the
rivers, police could impound vehicles
efficiently, thus allowing more time for
coffee breaks."
Grandmother Jelioplinsk gazed at the
room around her. She attended the Univer
sity of Nebraska and was in the last
graduating class. She was accompanied by
her 18-year-old grandaughter, Jenny. Jenny
was considering attending a 'traditional
college', although very few existed since
"Proclamation Date." Some of the colleges
were able to adapt their facilities and over
come the devastation caused by the Pro
clamation. The voice continued:
"Please deposit five one-dollar bills into
the machine if you would like the recorded
tour. Please return the ear-phones at the
end of the tour."
Jenny wanted the recorded tour. Grand
mother Jelpolinsk searched her purse for"
five 'ones.' She came up with four crisp
bills and one slightly creased bill. The
creased bill would not go into the machine.
Grandmother reached into her purse and
pulled out her hair curling iron-a remnant
of the past that has become as handy as the
old hair-pin.
Grandmother flicked on the switch and
in a few minutes the iron was hot enough
to smoothe out the wrinkles in the bill.
Seconds later, Jenny had a set of ear
phones. Grandmother put one ear-plug in
Jenny's left ear, and kept the other for her
self. The two women, arm-in-arm, ear-to-ear,
began the tour.
Former Student Union
"Thank-you for joining our recorded
guided tour", came the soprano voice over
the ear-phone. "The building you are
standing in is the former 'student union,'
so named because the complex was
supported by student fees . . ."
Jenny looked with amazement at all the
boutiques and shops that filled the three
story building. The complex boasted 32
restaurants, 7 donut shops, 4 banks, 10
bookstores, 8 hair-style shops and 150
boutiques. Coin operated snack machines
filled the hallways surrounding the shops.
Jenny placed a half-dollar into the machine
marked 'coffee'. Nothing happened,
"You must give the machine three kicks
before it will work," said Granny.
Jenny kicked the machine three times,
and the machine kicked out a half-cup of
hot water.
"Nothing has changed much," said
grandmother with a smile.
The tour found its way through the 'stu
dent union' and out into the fresh air.
"On your left is the Selleck Quad . . ."
trailed the voice.
"Is this the place where you courted
Grandfather?" asked Jenny.
30-minute meters
"Yes, my dear. The place hasn't
changed much. And look, the thirty
minute parking meters are still here."
Grandmother stood in a dreamlike state for
i few minutes, remembering her youth.
"Thirty minutes was enough time, even
back in those days yes, 30 minutes is
r.-' .
7u.
h
just long enough."
"How did you and grandfather meet?"
"Oh, the usual way men .and women
meet in those davs. He answered an ad I
placed in the 'personals' column of the
Dairy Nebriskan, our school paper."
The tour was not heading towards
Burnett Hall.
"The department of Psychology was
located in this building," continued the
voice. "It was the first department at UNL
to conduct classes by computer. The
classes were first introduced as an experi
ment for the benefit of the students in the
70s.
Study time could be reduced to 1 5 min
utes per week, once the students learned to
memorize the answers that were program,
med into the tests. Tho computer system
of conducting classes spread quickly,
despite protest from a handful of militant
who believed they had a right to learn.
Instructors gone
"The university, backed by the Ne
braska Legislators, won the battle by
showing the taxpayers the benefits of
eliminating instructors from payrolls. It
was further pointed out that the students
need not be confused with the differing
views of the instructors.
Human errors were completely eliminat
ed, at a cost reduction to the students.
Thirty books were condensed into a 25
page 'Packet', at a cost of $5. The 'Packets'
were revised each semester in order that
the department could collect royalties. As
you may have guessed, no royalty checks
are issued for the sale of used books."
Several other buildings were on the
tour, but Grandmother and Jenny decided
to skip these and walk over to the stadium.
On the south side" of the stadium were
three small buildings, one marked 'Marri
ages', another marked 'Tickets', and a third
marked 'Divorces'.
"Why are these buildings here, Grand
mother?" asked Jenny.
Memorial Stadium Province
"That's a long story. In 1985, Governor
Divine, a former coach, proclaimed Memor
ial Stadium a province, separate from the
state of Nebraska. I am not sure of the
exact reason for his actions. Possibly, it
was because of the pressure from the
public. Some of the voters wanjed to add
on to the stadium so that they could get
football tickets, and others, (probably
those who had life-time season tickets) did
not want to add on because of the throry
of supply and demand. If more tickets
could be bought, than the demand would
diminish and so would the price of 'scalp
ing'. "Football was one of the biggest money
making propositions in Nebraska and
everyone tried to cash in on the profits.
Students sold their tickets to the highest
bidder. Married students were allowed to
buy two tickets (one for their spouse, as
Continued on page 7
For all your ART
and DRAFTING needs.
n
vJU U J
n
n. n
mm
FOR THE ARTIST
Complete Art Supplies
Drafting Supplies
Craft Supplies
Framing Department
BT1
FOR THE DRAFTSMEN
Basic art supplies
Engineering supplies
Xerox & Diazo blueline
services
Drafting Supplies
. fl H I
3irlhAf!fiSl I II vvrw il
Gateway Shopping Center 467-4602 uJuJOOlfe I
1616 P St. 474-2062 I - '