Wednesday, april 26, 1978
daily nebraskan
page 13
Kids initiated into the 'drek9 with morning cartoons
By Pete Mason
Entertainment editor
There is no such word as "drek." I
looked it up in every dictionary in the
office. There just is no such animal.
television.
I must. have made the word up but I'm
going to stick with it, no matter what Web
ster says. I use "drek" to describe a fat
percentage of the shows beamed at us daily
over the magic box.
Drek must be a combination of "dregs",
the most worthless part of anything, and
'gack", which I believe means clutter. I
couldn't find that in the dictionary either.
So "drek" must mean "the most worthless
clutter." That's about as low as you can
go.
The major networks, in the spirit of
competition in the ratings race, have
become drek experts. The best way to ac
climate the viewer to drek is to hit him
while he's young, hence, the Saturday
morning cartoons. Our impressionable,
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malleable little friends are assualted by
Hong Kong Phooey, Siperfricnds, The
Three Robonic Stooges, Scooby's Laff-A
Olympics, BatmanTarzan, Baggy Pants,
Krofft Supershow, Space Sentinels, Land
of the Lost and Space Academy.
In between the shows (cartoon shows
have set the art of animation back 20
years) the toddlers are screamed at to buy
everything from Kung-Fu killer dolls to
chickens that make ice cream. Yessir, folks.
Get 'em while kids and they'll never ask for
anything better.
Of course PBS offers some alternatives.
We can only hope there are enough parents
out there who care enough about their
kids' brains to change the channel
occasionally.
There is drek for everyone. If the ratings
are any indication, the country is full of
"drekkies," not to be confused with "Trek
kies," strange but totally innocuous people
who believe an ancient, long-cancelled sci
fi show will rise again on a sort of
Judgment Day.
It's easy to spot a drekkie. A drekkie
hangs Charlie's Angels posters on his wall.
A drekkie wears a Fonzie T-shirt. A
drekkie wears his hair like Shaun Cassidy
and says things like, "Up your nose with a
rubber hose."
A drekkie is a person who is 16 and still
buys clothes for Ken and Barbie. A drekkie
buys Suzanne Sommers baby-doll pajamas.
A drekkie thinks the Gong Show is a re
ligious experience.
There is a formula for drek. If you
know the formula, even you can write a
hit show. You need a combination of
three or more of the following to create
good drek.
1. One or more beautiful, long-legged
but slightly retarded girls who look great in
wet T-shirts.
2. A wise-cracking, middle-aged, female
Falstaff who has the hots for everything
but the family dachshund.
3. A cop who thinks all judges are
fairies and all crininals should be drawn,
quartered and fed to the pigs.
4. A mother who looks younger than
her two daughters.
5. A man whose pet bear has a higher
IQ than his own.
6. A loveable high school teacher whose
classes last an average of four and a half
minutes.
7. A handsome young chemist who
changes into a monster every St. Swithin's
Day.
8. A couple of teenagers who can play
rock instruments and solve murders with
the same ease.
9. A dwarf who spends his time looking
under tall women's dresses.
10. An impoverished family whose
members spend a good part of 'their lives
saying goodnight to each other.
All you have to do is to take a few of
these factors in the drek equation, combine
them, and voila. . .pure drek,
Sexual innuendo has become the key
word in a lot of the drek lately, particular
ly in the sit-coms. The biggest offender is
of course "Three's Company, my choice
for "Drek King of the Decade."
Suzanne Somers, America's new poster
queen, spends most of her time in hot
pants or an extraordinarily short nightie
and John Ritter and a good chunk of male
America spend the whole half hour trying
to get a couple of bun shots.
Mrs. Roper seems to be interested only
in getting her tired and reluctant hus
band into the sack and uses every ploy
short of shackling him to the bedpost and
showing dirty movies on the wallpaper.
A wise man once said, "sex is the best
fun two people can have without laughing."
The people responsible for Three's Com
pany seem to think talking and laughing
about it is even better than doing it.
I'm not opposed to sex on television.
Sometimes I think I'd rather see good
honest porno than this sophomoric excuse
for a comedy show. The writers of Three's
Company seem to have taken sex back to
behind the barn where they think it
belongs. They've made it dirty again.
But that's the nature of drek. The pro
portion of good television to drek tele
vision is getting smaller all the time. And
if certain producers and network program
mers have their way, it's going to get
worse. Next week, we'll voyage into tele
vision's uncertain future.
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Alice Dittman
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