Wednesday, february 1, 1978
daily nebraskan
pageS
Tijuana-type flu restores a 'running' faith in humanity
Nothing particularty upsets me this
morning.
It first occurred to me while I was shav
ing, and I panicked just enough to cut my
chin. If it had the common decency to at
least bleed profusely, I might have been up
set enough to write this week's column.
It didn't, and I'm not.
michael
This would tend to lend credence to
changes that have been thrown my way
several times in the last few weeks by my
second favorite critic. My first favorite
critic is the one who so barbarously cut my
chin this morning with a razor.
Critic No. 2 would have lowered the
razor about 2 inches.
He claims that. I get paid to be angry. If
this column is fueled by anger, then I'm
running on empty. (
i don't get angry often. do get amazed
frequently, but not well enough to accept a
check for it.
Critic No. 2 has been trying to get me to
go on a verbal rampage for two years on
the evils of converting Fahrenheit to
Celsius. Evidently Critic No. 2 has a great
deal of latent anger.
On the other hand, I am quite calm and
serene, and as I mentioned earlier, not
particularly upset at anything.
in fact, if anything, I'm somewhat
flushed with victory this morning. You see,
for the first time in 2 days I walked to the
bathroom this morning instead of running.
After a two-day bout with a flu virus
undoubtedly not the Russian flu, it felt
more like a Tijuana strain-I may never get
upset again.
I followed some sage doctor's advice
without even knowing it. I stayed in bed
as if I could get up, and drank plenty of
fluids-as if I could keep anything else
down.
I lounged around, generally felt miser
able and questioned my existence. If my
existence answered, it was drowned out by
the rumblings in my tummy.
-You get a unique perspective oh life
when you feel it draining from you. When
the 24-hour bug decided to extend his (or
her visit, as the case may be) for a day, the
thought occurred to me that I might die.
Feverishly I grabbed some typing paper
to do my column, not wanting to miss the
newspaper deadline, and began hacking .
away. Then I began to type.
I tried hard to. be amazed. 1 failed.
I tried to be angry about something. I
failed. I tried to be upset I headed for the
bathfoomV I ran every liberal cliche
through my head I could think of. When
that didn't spark anything I ran every con
servative cliche I could stomach through
my head. Nothing. - t
In a flood of sudden realization, it
struck me that I didn't care. I didn't give
two hoots about anything except the
Kracatda east of my breast bone.
I raised both arms skyward to the apart
ment above me and screamed, "Who gives a
purple poopl!" I am much better now.
Although it was somewhat less than a
religious experience, I thought I'd share it
with you. (I don't get paid to be angry 6r
amazed. I. get paid to be self-indulgent.)
After two days of isolation-no tele
vision, newspapers, junk mail . or seeing
a human face other than the green one in
the mirror-I've come before you with a
new outlook.
After being alone for two days, I have a
-new faith in humanity. . , V
3 p"
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