Wednesday, january 25, 1978
page 4
daily nebraskan
Itafll
Tmitiomi hike loses sight off philosophy
"The primary concern of American
education today is not the development of
the appreciation of the 'good life' in young
gentlemen bom.to the purple . . . Our pur
pose is to cultivate in the largest possible
number of our future citizens as apprecia
tion of both responsibilities and the bene
fits which come to them because they are
Americans and free. "-James Conant in an
annual report to the Board of Overseers,
Harvard University.
It was 1943 when the president
of Harvard University wrote that
statement.
Now, in 1978, the philosophy of
education hi Midwest has changed.
The philosophy is "let the institu
tion keep it's head above budget
waters," not serve the largest number
of students.
In the NU budget request to the
Legislature Tuesday, a $1.50 increase
in tuition per credit hour was intro
dued. Described by NU President
Ronald Roskens, it was an inflation
ary measure.
Fine.
But a $40 to $60 increase in tui
tion for a year is going to strain some
students.
Serving the students should be the
university's prime concern, along
with balancing a budget.
It is unfortunate that unless the
university is forced into making a
budget cut, it will keep increasing
its prices.
We have seen increases in parking
permits, residence hall rates, even
football tickets. Now, as last year,
it's tuition.
No longer are students being
nickeled- and dimed-to-death. It's
death by dollars.
The key words of "the largest
possible number of future citizens"
have been lost.
Maybe someone should find them,
dust them off and put them back
where they belong.
Suicide do-it-yourself guide: Dr. Bey tries to make a killing
Here's one from the "yu shouldn't
be surprised" department: The New York
publishing house of Dodd, Mead has just
released a book that is just bubbling over
with helpful hints on how to kill yourself.
It's called Doctor Bey's Suicide Guide
book, and sells for $4.95.
From the cover price, I'll assume that
Dr. Bey still is- alive and kicking, and
getting less suicidal all the time.
Before the latest "do-it-yourself book
hits the local supermarket and wedges it
self firmly between this month's horoscope
and last month's diet plan, I have a few
comments to pass on to him.
michael
zangan
One, and by the way, don't bother get
ting your scissors out Dr. Bey-this .isn't a
review.
I don't like hucksters. I like hucksters
who prey on human misery even less.
Maybe youU turn a few bucks on this
enterprise from the people who will snap
it up as a novelty item and display it prom-,
inantly on the living room table.
There's bound to be a few more from
the people who take you seriously enough
to buy the book and use it.
Do you have visions of a best seller
dancing in your head? Maybe eight -part
serialization on ABC in the works?
Do you see people all across America
thumbing through your book like a Sears
catalog, pausing here and there over this
method and that-posing in front of their
bathroom mirrors making sure that their
technique matches yours?
Or do you see anything at all Dr. Bey?
Do you see the thousands of people for
whom suicide is a daily reality? Do you see
the wasted lives and empty hours that your
book can't even begin to touch?
Believe me, Dr. Bey, the last thing I
want to do is debate the moral aspects of
suic'de with you. At best it is a personal
choice -one that neither you or I have any
right to comment on, or in your case
exploit.
The last thing we need right now is a
book on how to kill ourselves.
We do it every day without your help.
We do it by the food we eat. We do it by
the smoke we pour into our systems and
the drugs we take. We plot out our own
slow death by the environment we destroy.
We even kill ourselves little by little by the
way we abuse or ignore, the people around
us.
We don't need a Dr. Bey to outline the
methodology of suicide for us, we all know
all we need to. , , ;
A human life is just fragile enough that
it can be broken with little help from you.
I hear you speak of dignity and dying
and am repulsed.
If your book is offering dignity, I have
to ask: "At what price?" If dignity is
embodied in your .10 handy hints 5 on
writing suicide notes and your chiding
remarks on "avoiding cliches," I am
further annoyed. ,
We don't need literary criticism from
the author of a suicide manual.
We've got manuals on how to make
love-what it is, where to put it, and how
to move it-manuals on how to raise child
ren, manuals on politics, manuals on every -thing-now
on how to take your life.
. We don't need another manual on how
to die Dr. Bey, take it back to your pub
lisher and don't come back until you can
offer us a book that tells us how to live.
Gov. Browns mission is to control; space in budget
Gov. Jerry Brown included $6.3 million in his proposed
budget to launch California's own space program-news
item.
"Mission Control? Mission Control? This is Jerry. Do
you know where my head is at?"
"By our calculations, Governor, you should be
touching down on Mars in five minutes, eight seconds."
arthur
ho
: "Wow! What a far out trip. And they laughed at me
back in 1978 when I first dreamed of Californians
reaching for the stars."
"Congratulations, Governor. You've won the space
race by beating the Russians to Mars."
"And the Americans, too, Mission Control. Let's be
upfront about this. It's one small step for mankind and
one giant step for Californiakind. Can you relate to that,
Mission Control?"
"We certainly can, Governor. And how are your two
fellow Calif ornianauts doing?"
"Frankly, Mission Control, there's been a few bad vibes
since Ralph came out of the closet three weeks after blast
off. I told Ralph, Wow, that's beautiful! I really know
where you're coming from. But George was very uptight
about.it. I told George that he and I didn't have to share
Ralph's trip because we weren't into gayness, but we
should be proud to be sharing space with Ralph because
he was now such a beautiful person.
"Well put, Governor."
; " Go with the flow, George,' I said. But he said he
couldn't groove on sharing such a damn small space for
two months with, as he put it, A lousy faggot.
I , 3
"We checked on him, Governor, and you were right.
He recently immigrated to California from Cedar Rapids."
"I flashed on that right away. For when I told him that
small was beautiful and the possibilities were limitless, he
called me some kind of nut. No true Californian would
say that. He would say, 'Your head's really in a funny
place, you know?' "
"Good thinking, Governor. Where's George now?"
"In a fetal position in the observation bay. Definitely
a defensive posture. Ralph and I have been working
on getting him clear by taking turns reading him The
Complete Works of Khalil Gibran, which we brought
along for spiritual emergencies. But he won't come out."
"Good heavens, Governor, youll heed his help for the
landing."
"Don't worry, Mission Control, Ralph and I are really
laid back about this landing business. I'm going to plant
the State flag and nfake a long 40-sccond speech pointing
out that the whole purpose of our space program is to
prove the California lifestyle is way out and that I, as its
leading representative, should therefore be elected presi
dent." "That's wonderful, Governor. But our computer data
shows that you must fire your retro-rockets in exactly 6.2
seconds."
"Don't lay. your authority trip on me, Mission Con
trol." "But you must fire your retro-rockets to slow your
descent or . . ; "
"Now youVe intellectualizing, Mission Control, and,
worse yet, making value judgments. As a true Californian,
I know how to mellow out and go where the psychic
energies are in a crisis."
"But, Governor, your velocity is 18,500 mflcs per
hour. What are your going to do?"
t)mmmmmmmmmrmrminimmmmmmm. . . "
"Governor,, fire the rockets! Governor, fire . . . Gov
ernor :.. Governor
Copyright 1378, Chronick Publishing Co.
