page 4
daily nebraskan
thursday, September 22, 1977
Rationing
of ex-President's insight unfortunate
There's a tinge of remorse as the campus
welcomes former President Gerald Ford. His pre
sence is not unwelcome. It's just that apparently
there isn't enough of him to go around.
I lis visit is art educational coups of sorts. He is
scheduled to visit only campuses on a tour spon
sored by the American Enterprise Institute.
The visit should be a bonanza for students.
How often do political science students studying
governmental power get to talk to the man who
sat in the most powerful seat in the world?
And even for those who disagree with him, he
remains one of only two living ex-Presidents-and
the other one isn't talking much.
, But Ford's appearances are limited. He will
speak to several classes, but not to the general
public.
Graduate students taking the right classes will
get to see him and some faculty members will
meet him.
But for many undergraduates, their only hope
for learning from Ford is to have had a lucky
lottery number when political science classes
drew for tickets for his lecture. Other under
graduates had no chance to see him.
It's even more frustrating for those who want '
to see him because the precious commodity of a .
past president is further enhanced by the chance
that Ford may run for the job again.
And apparently Ford's talks are educational
and interesting. Reports out of Omaha, where he
has lectured for two days, indicate that students
were given insight into the operation of foreign
policy. 4'
We realize that part of the problem of letting
many students listen to Ford is logistics. Getting
so many students in a room to hear him and yet
making it possible for students to ask questions
would be tough.
We also have been told that Ford will not hold
a press conference in Lincoln because he wants
the trip to be apolitical. It is supposed to be for
education.
Possibly the American Enterprise Institute does
not realize that most students could learn more if
the press was allowed to question.
It should be especially interesting to hear
Ford's comments in the wake of the Lance
resignation. It should be interesting to get his
appraisal, admittedly partisan, of Jimmy Carter's
first nine months in office.
These are the lessons of American history that
can be taught by only, a few men. It's simple, the
view from the top is different.
Although we wish more students had the
chance to learn from his lectures, we welcome
what opportunity we have to learn and we wel
come the former President to campus.
TOM OSBOENES NEtfT SURPRISE.
Carter takes tips : being Former President pays
A number of high-level resignations can be expected
in the wake of the Bert Lance affair. Probably the most
important will be that of President Carter.
Washington insiders have known for months that
Carter has been eagerly looking forward to resigning.
The question was one of timing. And the Lance investi
gation has given him the excuse he has long sought.
arthuf hoppe
innocent bystander
"You have to remember that Jimmy's a very ambi
tious man " one friend explained. "And there's no higher
position in the country than that of Former President.
It isn't just that hell automatically be relieved of the bur
dens of office such as having to carry his garment bag on
and off airplanes, it's basically that the job pays ten times
as much."
The resignation bug first hit Carter, sources said, when
he read the Former President Ford and Mrs. Ford would
receive $1 million for their memoirs.
"Better provider"
"Dang it," he told Rosalynn at the time, "that's more
than a President makes in five years! I owe it to you and
the children to become a better provider."
Initially, he planned to serve out his term like Ford.
But then he read that Former President Nixon would
gross an estimated $5 million for his televised and pub.
fished reminiscences.
Carter immediately realized that the worth of For
mer Presidents was determined not by how long they
had served in office but by what they had tried to get
away with. v ,
"I am not a crook!" Carter forcefully told Rosalynn.
"Dang it."
"Well, you can give it a go, dear," she said encourag
ingly. "Fine servants"
And he did. Ilis top aides, Jody Powell and Hamilton
Jordan (whom he described as, "two of the finest public
servants I have ever known"), were only too glad to help-
both wished to enjoy the profits from their books while
still young.; . f
Unfortunately, these finest public servants bungled
the job. By mistake, Powell sent the President's laundry
to a Mexican bank and while Jordan managed to break
into the offices of Ronald Reagan's hairdresser, he failed
to steal the Grecian Formula.
Carter was in desperate straits when his old friend,
Bert Lance, confided the Senate was investigating his
peccadilloes.
. "Stonewall it, Bert!" cried Carter with admirable
political astuteness. Stonewall it Bert did. And the results
have exceeded the President's fondest expectations.
Reconsider
It is still possible, however.'that Carter may reconsider
his decision to resign. The Lance affair is, at best, only
a second rate scandal. Offers for the President's memoirs,
I Didn't Do It!, have barely topped the $1 million mark.
As long as our system rewards Former Presidents in
direct ratio to their heinousness of their crimes, Carter
may be tempted to remain in office in hopes of some day
achieving the untold wealth that would accompany
impeachment.
Copyright 1977, Chronicle Publishing Co.
The writing is on the wall it's graffiti in triplicate
One of today's topics is graffiti. Judging by the clean
walls around campus, few of us must write.
You don't need a creative writing class in your back
ground to practice the art. You don't need permission.
You won't get famous. All you need is a pen and a wall.
What are you waiting for? Go to itf Here is some
graffiti I've spotted.
Hie artist intended this piece for the bureaucracy at
the Administration Building. We all know about the lines
and the forms there. It said:
at
ran ahrens
cnjcijing
cconoru
Submit all graffiti in triplicate.
Submit all graffiti in triplicate. -.
Submit all graffiti in triplicate. .
A fan
A fan of Star Wars struck in Andrews Hall. A black
board bore this lost and found message:
Lost: one droid. Three feet tall; short-cropped hair.
Answers to name of R2-D2. If found, please keep
him-he needs a good name.
There was another lost and found appeal in the Psy
chology Dept. A maladjusted case scrawled: "Lost: all
contact with reality!"
In the Philosophy Dept., where the subject of reality
li explored, was this definition: "Reality: a crutch for
people who can't handle drugs."
At the physics lab, an atom-splitter had taken his
stand. He proclaimed: "Down with neutron bombs!"
Witty Marx
In political science class I saw a slogan attributed to
Marx: "A man is as old as the woman he feels,"-not
Karl Marx, but Groucho.
A remark, supposedly Woody Allen's, aroused
future pedants at Teachers College:
Those that can-do. -
Those that can't-teach.
In a Health Tip, an author told of the dangers of tor
nadoes. After the warning a reader inserted an explana
tion: Health Aide: "Never expose yourself to a tornado."
The reader: "Tornadoes get embarrassed easily."
I can't fault the Health Aide for making such a windy
statement. After all, anyone can blurt out a double
entendre.
Ready for iob
Did you see the want ad asking for "Odd Dresser?"
I was irt line to apply the next morning, but was disap
pointed when a man said the ad was for furniture.
People use other unusual expressions, and not
always because of inaccurate diction. Some folks arc
weird. For example, a girl said she "had a snoiking-good
time." Snorking! That doesn't sound too good to me.
It seems that words beginning with "sn" are popular.
This wasn't always so. I can remember when people
didn't snort or snarf. Not many sniggle, though, and that
fact is no surprise. According to the dictionary, to
sniggle is: to fish for eels by thrusting a baited hook or
needle into their hiding places
Expressions change
Our expressions change. Some day people will use
words tli at get bleeped today. Zounds was once the worst
expletive that a person could utter. When zounds was
"legalized" no one cared to use it anymore.
How is it that our taste in names changes? Today's
names are short and sweet: Jill, Bob, or Lynne. If you
think Tack two generations you will notice the difference
in your great-aunts and great-uncles, who were christened
70 and 80 years ago.
Common names from that era are Phlneas, Orestes, and
Od. And everyone has an aunt named Opal or Florence
tucked away in the musty closet. But my great-grandmother
has the best of all.
Her name? Thekla Gunchik.
Sft IF WE TfiKE
fim m THE
wnmni wm
W5 JEOfMDIZE
OF J til tWSE.
RUT IF fWP trsklT
SHE SHOUIS ClSCfiMMmCti
mo m get w posLiam
,1"
mm
M
:a , A
'A .. . M
' i , i
r I tii iu hi f If i l
ftLLTHE I HEN I
HEY.Ftirt)
SHWLO HMMW