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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (May 6, 1977)
.ten" HW-'MWI friday, may 6,1977 PQ3 10 daily halfcssksn AAotherHubbord. Georov Porov moke hod lines Fireplug Angstrom Between the time some poor sap makes that fatal decision to enroll in journalism until he Walks down the free throw line of the Sports Complex in a cap and gown, out or my Qfffipii he'll run into what is reporting. The professors will take some budding young novelist (who just wants to make a living until he can write the great American novel and live in Paris) and stifle his crea tivity. The poor student is subjected to such lectures as "elements of good writing" that teach him to write short, concise sentences (with words not over two syll ables) and one sentence paragraphs, along with adding "he said" to the end of every one. There is one professor, at the chemistry building, who shall go nameless, who demands that his students rewrite Mother goose. Now this might sound odd, but it really isn't. After all, Ms. Goose was rather wordy when she worte and she left out the "resT facts. For example, if a journalist had been covering the Hey, Diddle, Diddle incident, children would have gotten the facts straight, as follows: For the sake of new journalism, the following is a factual account of the inci dent. The Kansas State Patrol has reported that a sterling silver spoon took a 16-year-old dish across state lines. "It's a federal offense to take a minor across state lines," said Kansas State Pat rol Chief Shadrach Roundy. "Spoon had that poor kid (dish) all strung out on drugs when we found her 10 miles away from Maryviilcs," he added. "She just kept babbling, 'Hey, diddle, diddle,' and told us some freaked out story about a cow jumping over the moon," Roundy said. "Spoon left her in the middle of no where, but the sources that led to her recovery were two long-haired musicians," Roundy added. "Some cat playing the fiddle with this singing dog that just laugh ed during the investigation gave us the tip off," he said. Linco!n-A young baker who specialized in pies and puddings was accused of "toy ing with local girl's affections", according to an Informed police source. Georgy Porgy, 888 West Fairy Lane St., was arrested after being seen fleeing from a local playground. "Porgy started to run, the girls were crying, the rest of the boys came out to play and we knew Porgy was the one," the informed sources said. Omaha-An 80-year-old woman will be brought on charges before the Omaha State Humane Society Tuesday. Mother Hubbard will face charges of starving her dog. Hubbard's reply to the charge was, "What's an old woman to do if her cup board is bare?" It's it m ean? " "y By My heel Zcpnut I had every intention of discussing the collected religious works of Byb Dylan today. As usual, I probably would have dazzled you with flowing metaphors, then approached you from behind with pro found insight and gentle humor. Finally, I would have nudged the point home. But midway through it, I said Screw it." The lyrical content is probably over your head anyway. Plebians. Besides, I was bored stiff. You don't know what it's like. Things are tough in the cookie factory. You think this typewriter works by itself? I have a couple of things on my mind and to cele brate the occasion, I'm going to explain this column since everyone has been ask ing me what the hell it all means. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, "I want a woman." My search for truth, justice and the American way began after a particulary disastrous drunk, when upon waking up in the depths of a religious hangover, a vision came unto me. I was standing knee-deep in guava jelly. A red-headed demon periodically popped out of different orifices of my body and screamed, "You're not William Faulkner, you know." This confused me. I knew who I was. As it appeared out of a particularly uncomfortable opening, I managed, with some difficulty to grab it. "Oh red one," said I, "Knock it off before I get pissed-off forsooth." To which it replied, "Let go of my neck turkey." "I perceived this to be a meaning-laden fedpn ! OifbS w ' ' Iff lies comment, so I decided to spend my life figuring out what it all means. Also, one day I hope to hear a rabbit scream. So I trudged through my days, standing on soapboxes screaming at anyone who would listen. Police chased me down every where. My persecutors claimed I was dis turbing the peace. Oh! How unjust the times! They were also sundry charges of indecent exposure, pandering and conspir acy to distribute an illicit drug. ' Uanabashed, I decided I needed a forum to speak to the masses, the trusting, the intelligent, sensitive and, in a word, the gullible. I decided to write for the rag. Not any rag. The rag. And where has it gotten me? Nowhere. What is my reward? I get calls at ridicu lous hours of the morning. Obscene and foul in every respect. There is heavy breathing, the quick question, there's your column?" To which I firmly and finally say, "I don't know." Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Rock n roll -vaudeville marriage m ixgs guts, charm By Chug Awhile The setting was perfect. It was a marriage between the charming spirit of Vaudeville, the guts and glamour of rock V roll music and the voyeurism of coast-to-coast television. It was the Gong Show's "Tribute to the Sixties" and it all happened Wednesday evening on the parking lot of the South Anaheim Kroger store. Featuring a cast that would make Woodstock farmer Max Yasgur turn greener than week-old pig dung, the sixties tribute was an event that will not be soon for gotten. Anchoring the panel of judges was Cher Bono Ailman ? And though I would be the first to acknow ledge that Ms. Cher knows little about music she did prove herself to be an irreproachable judge of proper fashion. Unquestionably the comic relief of the show was pro vided when Ms. Cher bounded from her seat on the panel and wrestled Mick J agger two out-of-three falls for his smart but rather overbearing pink criss-cross strapless leotard jump suit. Yeah, I got you babe. And of course there was well-intended tribute to the Sixties sexual revolution. Maybe the censor at NEC dis agrees but I have to defend Frank Zappa's television presentation of "Dyna-Mo-Hum". Granted, Frank didn't bring his band or guitar but there was little doubting the strength of his oral performance. In addition we finally found out why master of ceremonies Chuck Barns employs female scorekeepers. Too much? Barris himself was a little too much to be taken serious ly. What kind of bozo would wear a faded -out blue denim tuxedo to a daylight concert? And the idea of Barris inviting the entire membership of the Haight-Ashbury Tennis and Bath dub to act as the audience! I mean really Chuckle baby, no one takes rock n roll seriously anymore. C'mon it is 1977. This is the summer of stock portfolios. . Yeah, the 60s are over. That fact was painfully illus trated by Joan Baez who appeared to sing her soon-tote hit sir-!;. "I Dreamt I Saw Kuntt Kinte Last Niht". tut tzzz tizzti she has not gone totally commercial as ounecd that she is planning a series of benefit concerts to spur the halt of .off-shore drilling by petroleum companies. After the show I was able to get Baez to admit that she had just purchased a new seaside Malibu residence. Baez said that after she heard all the reports that neighbor Bob' Dylan's home was sliding into the ocean she came up with . this theory that is was caused by a runaway oil slick. And what of the surprise appearance of former Chicago ' Mayor Richard Daley? The backstage scuttlebutt was that Hizzover was wheeled into express his support for free expression of discontent through violent revolution. Pecosoposaie "'''- ; " But when it came time for old Dick to deliver he just sat there kind of glassy-eyed and lost his composure. In fact he begin to decompose, right on camera! What a trooper! The audience loved it. With the possible excep tion of Chicago '68 Mr. Mayor was never funnier. Pete Townshend and the Who showed up not so much out of respect for the era as to plug the release of their new album, Son of Tommy: According to the Who's lead singer, Roger Daltrey, the , new rock opera is the story of Tommy's first-bom son , who in spite of handicaps rises up to be a spiritually-inspiring deaf, dumb and blind rock critic. At the free form banquet held afterward Townshend admitted that "Son of Tommy is based on the early life of Rolling Stone magazine editor Jann Wenner. Each Beatle stalked off to his dressing room and the four later vowed to never be in the same country at the same time if at all possible. The rather somber and melancholy finale summed up the mood of everyone as former Lovin Spoonful lead singer John Sebastian brought everyone back to reality. "Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. ..." she But the obvious highlight of the proceedings was the long-awaited reunion of the Beatles. Though originally slotted for just a three-minute appearance (barely enough time to get halfway down "The Losg and Winding Road"), the four one-time moptops quickly settled into the mood and proceeded to takeoff into an extended one hour and fifteen minute set of musk that was the picture of love, companion, harmony and perfect rock V ro2. , Naturally all three judges awarded the band perfect 10s. Everything looked perfect until John, Pad, George and Riro tried to divide the 30 points between them. It wasn't long after McCartney nude a crack about Eingo's infamous lack cf talent that guitars, drums, and iricro phone stands went Dying ia every direction. ' vat vrs vm-i Bsforo you bsvo ccni3 hsva a F tor.vn 391 North Coin
