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Wednesday, epril 20, 1977
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Students plug nickels
into parking malar zoo
Dims, dime, dime.
The parking meters hereabouts have voracious
cretins. Ir.:;ti:b!j, Li fact. If you're like ma and psrk
off campus, you'ie the curator In I parking meter zoo.
Psrdon ma, you try. It's two o'clock tnd 1 nave to feed'
the meters. Click, click.
The advantage of parking off campus is that if you're
basically a dishonest person (or one with gambling
warp nine
mind) you can always chance it and refuse to part with
your pocket change. If you lose the penalties aren't as
heartbreaking as they are on campus.
Another good reason for me to park off campus is that
I'm trying to avoid the proverbial long arm of the law. I'm
a rhino boot refugee. If I leave my wheels unguarded for
one moment on campus the men in blue will pull up in
their quaint little Cushman and slap one on.
The yellow signs they tick on the car window waste
no words:
IMMOBILIZATION NOTICE.
WARNING: Do Not Attempt to Move This Vehicle.
It Is Immobilized by a Rhino Boot.
REASON FOR IMMOBILIZATION: Grand Larceny,
First-Degree Murder and Unpaid Parking Fines.
AMOUNT DUE: Life In Prison or Your First-Bom
Male Child.
Farther on down the yellow sticker informs you that
Campus Police truly has your welfare in mind. "This
vehicle has been immobilized," it says, "to save you the
cost of towing charges," blah blah.
We're told that an acute shortage of parking space
exists on the university campus. The only solution the
parking advisory board can think of is to increase fees.
They're just not using their imaginations. All kinds of
solutions exist.
The university could ban automobiles. To recover
lost parking revenues it could them lease space in the
Union to skateboard and bicycle franchises. The only
problem here is that Campus Police would never agree to
it. Without cars to stick tickets on they'd be out of work.
A "Park and Study" program could be launched. That
is, students could be given parking time for every three
hours they take during the semester.
Memorial Stadium could beurned into a parking lot
during the off-season. It's emptyNanyway, and the white
lines are already there.
In the same vein, Oldfather Hall could be remodeled
into a multi-level parking garage. It already looks like one,
anyway. The main problem with this solution is that class
schedules would have to be altered so students could wait
for those elevators. '
Perhaps the best solution would be to make parking
violations on campus a capital offense. Considering the
prevailing mood of the Nebraska Legislature, it wouldn't
be hard to pass. When somebody gets caught 3 they'd
have to do is shoot the car.
Sounds fair, doesn't it?
f Mi"' ? . "-"mi
mm m
ry, again with-therapy groups
"Wee tried est, yoga, TM, psychiatry, 'masszge
crcpy, Esden . . , Yen name it; we've tried it"-a Cdi
fomia woman bemocrirg the dissolution of her marrtge
on a television documentary scries called "Six American
Families. "
Herb and Judy Walpole were just another typical,
moderately unhappy American couple until they decided
to improve themselves. And being typical Americans, in
. no time they were into everything.
Herb says he'll never forget the hot day he came
wearily home from the office to be greeted by Judy, who
innocent bystander
was wearing nothing but the finest whipped cream. "I just
read where sex lowers your cholesterol, she said, smiling
coyly.
"But I'm on a macrobiotic diet," protested Herb.
"I know, said Judy. "I was going to smear myself
with honey and roll in wheat germ, but the kids ate it.
Well, I guess well just have to have a pillow fight instead
In order to release your hostilities and aggressions."
"Ommmmmm," said Herb, closing his eyes.
"Stop achieving oneness with the universe while I'm
talking to you," snapped Judy.
From there it was all downhill. Herb says he should
have suspected the spark was going out of their marriage
when Judy no longer accompanied him to their weekly
nude encounter group therapy on the flimsy excuse that
her transactional analyst had told her to avoid crowds.
Sure enough. He came home a bit late one night,
crawled into bed and gently stroked her shoulder. "How
about a little sensitivity awareness?" he whispered. In re-
sponse, she caught him with a knee and elbow. "You call
that sensitivity awareness ' ne managea 10 pp.
"No," she said, "I call that rolling, which is a deep and
painful body massage designed to eradicate your guilt
feelings of which you must have many."
At breakfast he tried to make amends by suggesting
they toss the I Ching together. She tossed him Instead.
"Aikido," she explained. "That's one of the marital arts."
"You mean martial," he said.
"You do your thing," she said, "and I'll do mine."
And they did. Oh, she tried to patch things up by
getting him interested in Svananda Yoga, but he just
sulked under his Biofeedback machine, grumbling that he
was through "with all that Eastern mysticism."
Of course, they di'd keep bumping into each other,
usually as she was doing her Tai-chi exercises while he
practiced his Arica Egyptian gymnastics. And they
occasionally spoke, as when she'd say, "Turn down that
damn Psychosyn thesis music! I'm trying to get rid of my
bad karma through Silva Mind Control."
The inevitable blowup came when she demanded their
son, Kent, be sent to the Mahatma Gandhi Craft Camp for
Overweight Underachieves even though he was skinny.
"He needs to be admired," she explained. ,
Herb says he felt contrite about employing the ancient
Aztec maneuver of Azovateeketl on Judy. "Let's make
up," he said, picking her up and dusting her off. "Maybe
we coujd get into something together."-
"Oh," she sobbed, throwing her arms around him.
"That would save our marriage!"
Unfortunately, what they got into together was Self
Assertiveness Training, in which both quickly learned
to say exactly what he or she thought about everything
there was to think about, including each other.
They are now enrolled separately in Creative Divorce
courses - two more casualties in the unending war Ameri
cans ceaselessly wage to improve themselves.
(Copyright Chronictt Publishing Co. 1377)
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By Bruce Erlich
The April 11 and 13 Daily Nebraska featured Young
Americans for Freedom (YAF) attacking the late Chilean
diplomat Orlando Letelier. The issue of Letelier's
"assassination" (as Evans and Novak themselves call it in
one ad) should indeed be kept before the public: the visit
by UNL by the widow. Isabel Letelier, and the Nebra
skans for Peace project on human rights in Chile also
contribute to this important end. But YAF might have
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guest opinion
done ths university community a genuine service if in
stead of repeating charges already disproven it had been
concerned with the truth. The documented facts are
these:
Orlando Letelier was former loan director of the Inter
American Development Bank as well as Chilean
ambassador to the United States and Minister of Foreign
Affairs during the AHer.de government. After the coup
d'etat in 1973 establishing a military dictatorship (marked
by the imprisonment and execution of thousands of
, ASende supportersX he csme to Washington as a member
of the Institute for Policy Studies and taught at American
University. -
His publications analyzed the catastrophic impact of
the Chilean junta: repression and torture, mass unemploy
ment, 341 per cent inflation, hur.gsr in cities and country
side (see Lis "Economic 'Freedom's Awful Tool" The
Nsikm, Avg. 23, 1976). ,2s Business Week has applaud
ed the-rcgime'i throwing the country open to American
investment fm3de Dossibie bv the ds-ithVsi7stirsnrt f
." ' .,.-... .-V, :!; rl i . -
Qiiksa fsctionr), the United Nations Economic Osmmis-
sion for Latin America reports that wages in much of the
country are inadequate to purchase more than half the
minimum level of calorics and protein established by the
World Health Organization.
Lacking internal political support, censured by the
Catholic Church in Chile, the junta under General
Pinochet is kept in power largely by loans from multi
lateral agencies (e.g., the Inter-American Development
Bank and the World Bank) which are heavily financed by
the United States.
Letelier and Ronni Moffitt (an American citizen) were
killed in Washington D.C. in September 1976 by a bomb
in their car, and it is known that the junta's secret police
(D1NA) had contacts with Cuban exiles who probably
planted the device (see 77te Nation, March 19 and 26,
19771. Four days prior tc the killings, Isabel received
telephone calls mat went, "Are you the wife of Letelier?
Then you are now a widow." A briefcase in the car confis
cated by the FBI is the only source of those alleged
"documents" which Evans-Novak claim indicate Letelier
was paid by the Cubans: in fact, AUende's widow sent
funds to Letelier provided by individuals in other
countries, but onh to assist Chileans re-settle in the
United States.
It is astonishing that the same Justice Dept. which
promised Isabel in October that a full investigation of the
murders would soon be completed is the only possible
source for the "leaks" to columnists purporting to demon
strate Letelier an agent of "international communism."
There is now a letter-writing campaign sponsored by
the Chile Committee for Human Rights, urging the
present attorney-general to find the killers rather than
maligmng Letelier through fabrications, and rather than
irnplyirig that if he had been a Communist then it was per
missible to assassinate him. I wonder if YAF really
considered the implications of this latter question before
inserting their unfortunate ads. -
for
Both Houses of Congress have passed resolutions urging
"a complete and thorough investigation by federal author
ities of the circumstances surrounding the bombing." In
an editorial of Sept. 22, 1976, The Washington Post
described Letelier as "an economist of deep intellect and
humane spirit," concerned "to extend genuine economic
and social benefits to the Chilean people." They
remember that the new junta at once put Mr. Letelier into
a concentration camp aad kept him there for a year.
International pressure helped free him," and he continu
ed to prepare as best he could by open political activity
. . . the restoration of his country's democratic traditions.
Even that evidently was too much for the thugs who
control Chile" and the regime stripped him of his citizen
ship only ten days before the murder.
The Post concludes: "Orlando Letelier was . . . the
model of the private man prepared to act on his beliefs
and to accept their public consequences. He exemplified
precisely the qualities-reason, concern for-the common
man, and civflity-wliich the junta is trying to suppress in
his native land . . . His exile speaks its own comment on
those who exiled him. He deserves honor; they and their
rule of Chile, contempt"
Finally, Isabel Letelier received no taxpayers' money
from her appearance at UNL: the usual honorarium from
Talks and Topics and Convocations went entirely to a
nfla-profit fund for education about human rights viola
tions in Latin America.
Information on Letelkr and Chile is available from Ne
braskans for Peace here in Lincoln, and from Institute for
.0QQ9. I suggest that in future the YAF honor its own
title by informing itself about international affairs and
joining in the struggle for the restoration of democracy in
ChLe, thus leaving pege three of the DaZy Nelrzzhsn open
for what belongs there - reality.
Erlkh at a UNL ts&ss prefer ia Er and
Modem LsrgK-Js.