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By Arthur Hoppe
WeHf it certainly is nice for the two of us to have
dinner alone at home, Henry, for the 23rd night in a
row."
"Yes, Nancy, it is odd that no one invites us out any
more. Do you think my anti-penpirant is letting me down
in the clinches?"
"Frankly, dear, I think it's your foreign policy."
"Detente? What's wrong with detente?"
"I hate to tell you this,vdear, but everybody these days
finds detente extremely offensive. Even the President has
sworn in public that he w21 never use detente again. He
says he's switching permanently to 'peace through
strength' instead."
"That's easy for him to say. It isn't his detente. It's my
detente. I was Using it for years before he came around.
And everyone loved me for it. You could ask anybody,
Are you for detente?' And they'd say, Surerwhy not?"
"I know, dear. But all the candidates, led by Ronald
Reagan and Scoop Jackson, have attacked it as a 'one-way
street.' You know how annoyed people get with one-way
streets."
"But Nncy, detente can't be a one-way streetTlt's
more like a freeway interchange. All it means is a relaxa
tion of tensions. Who's against that?"
"Oh, no one's against a relaxation of tensions, dear. It's
detente they can't abide. They say things like 'Look at
what happened in Helsinki!' " V
"Look at what that happened in Helsinki?"
"Who knows? Then they say, 'Look at how the
Russians took advantage of our glorious free enterprise
system by offering our grain brokers the highest price for
our wheat.'"
"What's that got to do with d6tente?"
- "Who knows? Then they say, 'Look at the way the
Communists are going to outfox us at the SALT talks.'"
"Yes, I've noticed, Nancy, that the more patriotic
Americans are, the more convinced they become that the
Russians are smarter man we. Do they think this is due to
detente?" .
"Who knows? Then, as a clincher, they say, 'Look
what happened in Angola!'"
"You mean they think detente proves their Cubans can
lick our Angolans?"
"Who knows? The point is, dear, that you'll have to
start using an entirely new foreign policy if you want to
avoid giving offense."
"You're absolutely right, Nancy. IH start increasing
tensions instead. Phooey on you, you crumby Commies.
Put up your mitts!"
"But, dear, as a diplomat, people want you to reduce
tensions, not increase them."
"Yes, that's so. Wait, I've got it, Nancy! An all-new 1
foreign policy which well ca3, Die Entspannung.'"
"Henry, dear, you're a genius. Well be deluged with
invitations. Ithas such a nice ring to it"
"Even though it's German for "reducing tensions?'"
"Who cares?"
(Copyright Chronic! Publ&iing Co. 137S)
17
TT
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Author of "Dear America"
Thura April 1. 730 p.m.
Union Ballroom
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