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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 26, 1976)
monday, January 26, 1976 page 4 daily nebraskan Skate your way through school You read it here first. According to recent press reports, the big college fad to hit students this spring will be the demon-on-wheels, the skateboard. But you had a skateboard in ninth grade, you say. They're only for kids. Apparently not. At $30 to $40 each, the new slimmed-down models feature tough plastic con struction and low, shock-absorbing polyu re thane wheels to keep those sidewalk bumps from denting the heads of skating enthusiasts. California students already are beginning to skateboard to class, demanding skateboard paths and initiating skateboard clubs. . Think of it. Some smart entrepreneur already is probably designing a line of skateboard togs and jeans. Skateboard shoes will be a necessity as well as coordinated skateboard packs-with a innocent I Dilemma of unsure voter: bsfondarj 'Gee, all candidates swell' By Arthur Hoppe One of the overnight sensations in the press during America's Bicentennial year was Herbert Sneeve of Elmira, IU. He was an undecided voter. ' Sneeve was discovered by an interviewer for The Tenfoot Poll, Inc. Asked his preference for President, Sneeve said he hadn't made up his mind. ' "You and 99 per cent of the public," the pollster said with a sigh. ' It sure is hard to pick which bum to root for this year." "Oh, no," Sneeve said. "I like them al!! I just can't decide which one I like most." The pollster gave Sneeve an odd look and mentioned the incident to a reporter friend, Within 24 hours, Sneeve's picture had appeared in virtually every paper in , the country over captions such as: "Thinks Candidates Swell!" Naivete is a hit Like most curiosities, Sneeve was besieged with offers to appear on the This Morning, Today, Tonight and Tomorrow television shows. In each case, his simple naivete brought down the house. "You mean to say," host Johnnie Paar on the Day Before Yesterday Show said, sputtering, "that yoU aren't bored with Ford?" "Gosh, no, the country's a lot better off morally and economically than when he took over," Sneeve said, "of course, Mr. Reagan has some fascinating ideas on what to do about big government." "Tell us again," said Johnnie Paar, clutching his belly, "what do you think about the Democratic candidates?" "Oh, they all have something to offer," Sneeve said, frowning thoughtfully. "I can t decide between Fred Harris's populism, the liberalism of Mr. Udall, Sarge Shriver or Birch Bayh, the get-tough foreign policy of Scoop Jackson, or the. . ." k "Wait! Wait!" Johnnie Paar cricdj gasping for breath. "Wait till you hear this, folks. Tell us about Hube the Cube, Mr. Sneeve." "Mr. Humphrey? Oh, he's obviously intelligent, articulate and experienced. But then Jimmy Carter's a real-life Horatio Alger hero and. . ." "Please, Mr. Sneeve, wait till the audience quiets down. There. Now, do you really think the candidates are great?" letters to 13 CCO Dear editor: When I returned the o.uestionaire that Gateway Bank sent me, I did indeed rate free checking as being a lesser reason for banking at Gateway Bank-but only because all of the banks in the city, to my knowledge, offer free checking and Mr. Dickenson must lack a certain degree of astuteness not to realize this. He is right, though, when he says "we will lose some business." When there are three other major banks without service charges within easy walking distance of campus, plus two savings and loan institutions-one of which has computer transaction terminals throughout the city and a large part of the state, and the other of which offers to pay your bills with a telephone call; both on . interest-bearing accounts and no service charges-I suspect that Gateway Bank will lose an enormous amount of business. . . Indeed if this plan is not very quickly reversed, I will close out my account at the end of the month. I would very strongly urge that Gateway Bank be given its 90-, day notice of cancellation of lease. The Nebraska Union branch is supposed to be a service to the university and the student population. We certainly do not need the expensive kind of service which is being pushed on us. I don't need It and as for my subsidising Gateway Bank's claimed 22 per cent drop in net returns-well, as far as I'm concerned. Gateway Bank can go suck eggs. .. ' Kurt A. Wendfer " "Oh, no. In 200 years we've produced very few, if any, great candidates. But we've produced a number of great Presidents. I just can't decide which of the current crop has the greatest potential for greatness. Gosh, if we didn't believe that; we'd be so apathetic we probably wouldn't bother to vote. Then where would we be?" But, as usual, the laughter of the by-now-hysterical audience drowned out Sneeve's last words. Mrs. Sneeve, to save the family further embarrassment, had her husband committed to The Daffodil Dell Happy Farm. He does suffer from fits of depression. "What if we have an electkn," he mutters worriedly, "and nobody comes?" ' "There, there, look at it this way, Mr. Sneeve," the nurse says consolingly. "Who cares?" (Copyright ChronkU Publbhins Co. 1978) pocket for the skateboard after the rider reaches his destination. Skateboards already are causing problems for those who choose to use their feet as their principle mode of transportation. At the University of California-Irvine, a possible ban on the offending skateboard is about to squelch their numbers. A turnabout, the City of Laguna Beach has pronounced the boards fit for city streets. Skateboards may find only limited use in Lincoln, especially considering the slick snowy sidewalks right now. - . But Spring has a way of warming up for foolish things (remember streaking) and somehow it's doubtful that there will be a letdown this year. Sunday readers of the national Parade magazine section carried by the Lincoln Journal Star were treated to a glowing account of ten Princeton University students who have taken intensive training in treating minor health problems. They operate out of their dorm rooms and are making life a lot easier for the campus infirmary. A revolutionary new program? No, only new to Princeton. The students are designated Health Aides. UNL has seen Health Aides on every residence hall floor and in every Greek house for several years. The article notes that the Princeton Health Aides are "a brand-new program and adds that Nebraska has a similar program. Brand new? Not on your Band Aid. Vince Boucher rarefied Take heart, ye oppressed it I A. Liberator hath returned A Liberator has returned. Americus Liberator, that is, and he would like to be President of the United States. After an eight year vacation from presidential politics, the Valentine phenomenon, who got more votes in the 1968 Nebraska presidential primary than George Wallace, is making another run-this time strictly as a write-in can didate, rjis long-awaited announcement came last week. He has written letters of inquiry to the Secretaries of State in all 50 states, but has received only two replies. South Dakota's secretary of state told him they have no provision for independent write-in candidates in their primary election and the deadline has passed for introduc ing legislation that would allow it. Missouri secretary of state told him there was noth ing standing in his way in that state. AH he had to do was reach the electorate. That is Liberator's goal and his passion. Strictly write-in For some reason, never clearly defined, Americus has not chosen to petition the state of Nebraska to appear as an independent candidate on the primary ballot. This is strictly a write-in campaign. You have to want him badly enough to be able to spell his name. He said he has asked Valentine State Sen. Otho Kime several times to introduce t bill allowing a space on the Nebraska primary baiiot lor in independent write-in can didate. No Luck. He says neither Kime nor Secretary of State Allen Bcermann take him seriously. The established major parties are obstructions to gov ernment, period, says Liberator. He doesn't think its con stitutional to deny the people a choice to write-in his name in the Nebraska primary. It's just another encroach ment on the people's freedom by a government of corrupt politicians. . "I'm not in the hands of any cockeyed party," he says. Only one promise Making promises really isn't his style, Liberator says Those are the "corrupt political olovs" he taitt .Hn,V more suited to party politics. The only promise he makes foJph is that the American people are going to work for their government-by telling him what to do as President. After all, it isn't the President's place to tell the People what to do. He will address some issues. Birth Control. "You need 20 acres per animal to raise stock in the Sandhills. Common sense'U tell you when you put ten head on one acre, you're going to have a shortage. Every shortage in this world is due to overpopulation." Pornography. "I'm not against pornography falling into the hands of an old buck like me, but not the child ren." The Press. "Sometimes I wonder if there isn't some Communist influence in the press, radio and TV. I don't know." He admits his opinion might be influenced by a run-in he had with a Reuters news service reporter in 1968. 'Not dead with me' Conservation. "It's practically a dead issue with the politicians, but it isn't with me. Where would this country be if Teddy Roosevelt hadn't preserved our resources?" Law and Order. "1 mean impartial law and order. Not the kind Nixon practiced." Where is a retired cowboy, Pennsylvania coal miner, hobo, harness and cahinft rnolrr mnA merchant nin to get the money to run for President? He and his wife have $750 saved. Liberator says he may solicit some money, especially from people like the 80-year-old man who made his first contribution to a campaign in 1968. He received about $100 in contri butions in 1968. He received about $100 in contributions in 1968, and recorded the serial numbers, denominations and donors for every cent. That was before federal campaign financing laws. "I write to Hruska and Curtis, and I have a helluva time getting reply. When I do, they're just evasive remarks. But what the heU can you expect? The politician just lives 1 for the nt election. The statesman lives for posterity." Good luck, Americus Liberator. ' . , House. m L- 1 FrJijcmrry. ! w s uom imrMOCH mssu, smtsizmrsmTMJo 8M Of OATS titXTTD 1 1 p (