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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 27, 1975)
page 5 WELL, HEBE, HOD'S RUSH u) Ben 6011U6? 1 WELL, I M'MUIUG A HARO TME DECIOM UHEWER TD Sl&AJ a m-cut contact ma WE CLUB TMT DRAFTED ME, OR TRY OUT FOR A BETTER HOUSE AS A FREE AGEtiT, SOUNDS compucrtep. IT SURE is! T'P llkF TO W OUT AS A FACE WW FOR TMB - FUD6IB house, &or i Dotfr TAlfOK I COOLO DO AW BETTER THAN SECOW Popcorn baron tejls smog By Arthur Hoppe I was delighted the other day to bump into International Peanuts & Popcorn, Inc., one of the nation's most highly respected conglomerates. It isn't often you have the chance for a heart-to-heart chat with a conglomerate these days. "I guess yours is the typical American success story, IFP," I said. "It proves that any little corporation in this great land of ours can grow up to be a conglomerate." "That's ture," said IPP. "I, myself, began in a small way as Smog Production, Inc. Fortunately, it wa3 a growth industry. And through diligence, perserverance and a two-for-one split, I eventually became the nation's leading smog producer." - "No mean feat ," I said. "Well, you must remember that corporate growth is the prime goal of any corporation. I therefore set out to acquire a number of related industries, such as Hackings Cough Nostrum Corp., Tip-Top Tissues, Inc. and Red Eyeball Drops, Ltd. The result, if I do say so myself, is the giant, widely admired conglomerate you see before you i innocent bystender rSfM success story T&M today." "An enviable record," I said. "You must have , an excellent Board of Directors." . "Board of Directors?" said IPP. "Oh, yes, I have one of those. It meets quarterly to declare a dividend. 'We do declare! it says. 'Here is a dividend'." "And that makes your stockholders happy?" . "Stockholders? By golly, that's right. I do have stockholders, too. I think some come to an annual meeting. And there's one little old lady. . . But naturally, I pay no attention to them:" "Naturally. And, of course, you have top management." "Of course. Who else would go around decrying government interference and extolling corporate growth? If ' I had no top management, whose salaries would I double when I'm ailing?" "You're ailing?" I asked with concern. "Near death," said IPP. "But there's no need to worry. I'm on my way to the government now to get a $20 million interest-free loan, eight subsidies, three mergers and a nartridee in a Dear tree.' "Will the government rescue you?" "What do you think I am," said IPP with dignity, "some two-bit Mom-and-Pop corner store? Of course the government will rescue me. If I went under, think of the effect on the Gross National Product, the Dow Jones averages, the Unemployment Index, the entire economy." "Horrible!" I said. "Would you want America to become a second-rate smog producing power?" "Never!" I cried. . "Now you see why corporate growth is the prime goal of every corporation," said IPP, mollified. "It's a survival mechanism. Once you become big enough, you'll live forever." "Wonderful," I said. "And I'm sure" youH always do what's best for the people." "People?" asked the conglomerate, looking puzzled. "What's a people?" (copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1975) I ij! ES INTR AM URALS FALL SEMESTER 1975-76 Canoe Trips Sept. 28-28 Oct. 31 -Nov. 2 Nov. 14-16 I To be annoVt " I Swimming Pools j Coliseum i Coliseum WPE 12:30-1:30 M,T,W,Th,F 6:30-9:00 M,W,F 8:00-9:00 T, Th 12:30-1:30 M,T,W,Th,F 6:30-9:00 M,W,F 8:00-9:00TJh 1 2:00-1 :00T,Th t 7 i AJ Men's Intramurals Event Flag Football Manager's Meeting Flag Football Tennis Singles Golf Horseshoe Singles Crosscountry Punt, Pass & Kick Water Polo Archery Placekicking Contest Badminton Olympic Weightlifting Meet Handball Singles Volleyball Paddlebail Singles Table Tennis Singles Table Tennis Doubles , Basketball Marathon Basketball Manager's Meeting Basketball Women's Intramurals Tennis Singles Golf Cross Country Archery Volleyball Table Tennis Badminton Entry Deadline Aug. 27 Sept. 3 Sept. 10 Sept 12 Sept. 17 Not Required Not Required Oct. 1 Not Required Not Required Not Required Not Required Oct. 15 Oct. 29 Nov. 5 ' Not Required ' Not Required Nov. 15 Dec, 3 Dec. 12 Sept. 10 Sept. 12 Not Required Not Required Oct. 15 Not Required Not Required Co-Rec Intramurals Flag Football Tennis Badminton Basketball Table Tennis Sept. 10 bspt. 17 Not Required Oct. 22 Not Required Play Begins Sept. 8 Sept. 15 Sept. 20 Sept. 22 , Sept. 27 Oct. 1 Oct. 6 Oct. 8 Oct. 12 Oct. 14 Oct. 18 Oct. 20 Nov. 3 Nov. 10 Nov. 11 Nov. 13 Dec. 1 Jan. 14 Sept. 16 Sept. 20 Sept. 27 Oct. 8 Oct. 20 Nov. 12 Dec. 2 Sept. 15 Sept. 22 Oct. 7 Oct. 27 Nov. 10 Open Gym IS I MPE-4:30-10:OQ M,T.W,Th,F, 1:00-5:00 Sat. & Sun. WPE6:30-10:00 M,T,W,Th,F 1:00-5:00 Sat. & Sun. Coliseum - 5:30-10:00 M,T,W,Th,F Fieldhouse - 6:00-10:00 M,T,W,Th,F. 1:00-5:00 Sat & Sun. East Campus - 5:00-9:00 M,T,W,Th,F, 2:00-7:00 Sat. & Sun. I 4 I
