monday, august 25, 1975
daily nebraskan
page 4
ccfllorid
V
3
The ice man leaveth for Texas sun
It won't take too long to comment on the
resignation of James H. Zumberge as UNL
chancellor.
Zumberge took office in 1972 with the
comments that UNL's academic atmosphere was
"not all that great," and universities should "get
out of the business of playing mama and papa."
v Still outspoken almost four years later, he took
a parting shot at the Legislature for maintaining
faculty salaries at a aemurau6 .-v.,
contrasted progressive Southern Methodist
University with "other colleges and universities
(that) are looking for ways to hold the line or even
retrench."
The departure of this man-scholar, fighter,
administrator, student advocate-brings to mind
cynics corner
Course descriptions thaf are
coarser and more descript
By Brace Nelson
After lisiening to students complain about coarse
description booklets, I've decided to try my hand at writing
some course descriptions of my own. Hence, the following:
Introduction to Actuarial Science: Several informal
meetings with Death and a final field trip through hell.
Asbestos degree offered. Recommended for old people and
necrophiliacs. ;
Agricultural Communication: Down-to-earth course
about talking to bugs and plants. Interviews with wood
ticks and plants on modern housing, DDT and
transcendental meditation.
Anthropology: How to construct whole civilizations out
of 32-bone fragments and a garbage dump. Advance work
in creative sandbox available.
Architecture: Applied calculus and structural design.
Senior students will be allowed to build birdhouses and
play with Erector Sets. Field trip will include walk through
downtown Lincoln.
Art I. All-the-tricks-cf-Picasso-and-then-some, Also
discussed is How-to-paint-with-numbers-and-get-away-with-
it
Art II: What is Art, or rather, who is Art and why is he
living in Milford?
American Authors: In-depth studies of author's lives.
Outside class time spent in ambulance driving, bullfights,
drinking and chasing nymphets. ,
Botany: Dramatic autobiography of a vegetative seed
plant from embryo to germination (for adults only) to
nature veoetative nlant. Sneclal cameo aooearance bv
mother and father plant followed by question and answer
period.
Drama: How to write soap-operas for fun and profit.
Economics I: Considered are wages, profits, interest,
monopolies, taxation, trade, money and how to get it. Final
exam will cover "Balancing Your Checkbook."
Economics II: Study of comparative economic systems
and their founders including Adam Smith, Ricardo,
Malthus, Marx, Veblen and Keynes. Short discussions of
why none of them work and whether economics should be
considered a science.
Ethics: Kant's categorical imperative, John Stuart Mill's
utilitarianism and Dale Carnegie's How to Meet Girls.
Geology: Minerals, rocks, ores and how to throw them.
- Geography; Radiation, energy balances, temperature,
NfCWCM
and how to read a
rinmiditv. terrestrial land forms
Rand-McNally road map.
History I: Survey of everything from Adam and Eve to
the Second Coming of Christ. Emphasis on the obvious
hand of God directing mankind's rational and peaceful
progress to Utopia.
ih ivrir "How're va gonna keen 'em down on
the farm After they've seen Paree? .
How are we going to keep quality educators and
administrators at Nebraska while salaries are low,
academic standards are mediocre, the governing
body is medieval and prestige is found mainly on
the football field? .
We're not.
"
Chancellor Zumberge's resignation is
accompanied by a blaze of publicity, while another
UNL "administrator departed this summer with
scarcely a murmur.
Hal R. Smith resigned as associate dean of
student development early in July, to become
associate director of the student ' union at the
University of Oregon at Eugene.
At UNL, Smith directed the Development
Center for Student Organizations and Activities,
formerly-and more recognizably -the Student
Activities Office.
u:.. 11. Stvrinl nroblems: Whv the Renaissance was
held in Italy instead of New Haven, Conn.; Why Europe
fights its wars at home instead of in the Sahara, where there
is more room; and Stonehenge: ,World's Biggest Outhouse.
Integrated Studies: In-depth analysis of
Coming to Dinner?"
Journalism: How to writ.
Karate: Emphasis on fighting opponents with their own
weapons. Topics include how to sting a bee, bite mosquitos
and spread malaria.
Linguistics: Grammar made difficult by Noam Chomsky.
Structural and historical aspects studied with emphasis on
how to write to Mom.
Math: Introduction to diophantine approximations,
congruences, reciprocity theorem and grocery slips.
Metaphysics I. What?
Metaphysics II: Why-Why not?
Military Science; A close examination of Napoleon's
battles as preparation for nuclear war. Advice on how to
spend your last 32 minutes after being exposed to nuclear
radiation.
Philosophy of Religion: Investigation of such religious
phenomena as omnipotence and how to use it to get out of
checkmate. Personal interviews with Buddha, Allah, God
' and Jesus Christ and how it feels to be useless.
Psychology: B.F. Skinner tells you why you don't have
free will and what to do about it.
Shakespeare: Did he exist or was he really Angelino the
boilermaker from Genoa?
Sociology: A survey of social deviates or why
sociologist; think this is a science.
Speech: Topics considered include oratory, debate,
heckling, butting-in and how to talk with your mouth full.
Theory of Knowledge: Examination of the impossibility
of knowing anything and how to prove it.
Cynic's Quote of the Week: "Insanity is the exception in
individuals, In groups, parties, peoples, and times, it is the
rule, "-Nietzsche
He also administered university discipline and
was adviser to various programs. All that many
students knew of Hal Smith was that he signed
those nasty letters saying they couldn't
graduateregister until they paid their
'Guess Who's Horaryparking lines.
But we who work in the Nebraska Union knew
Hal was a friendly and sympathetic man who took
an active, personal interest in students. Dean of
Student Development Ely Meyerson called Hal "a
real student advocate"-amen to that. We'll miss
him.
-
Tooting-Our-Own-Horn Dept.: Congratulations
to staff artist Ron Wheeler, whose comic strip
Ralph will be run this semester in the Kearney
State College Antelope.
Note: Yes, we'll still have Ragtime, but that
daily four inches of nostalgia won't be available
until Sept. 15. It seems college students of
yesteryear started their fall semesters in autumn
instead of summer.
Rebecca Brite
i The Dailv Nebraskan welcome letters to the
editor and guest opinions. Choices of material
Eublished will be based on timeliness and originality,
etters must be accompanied by the writer 1 name,
but may be published under a pen name If requested.
Guest opinions should be typed, triple-spaced, on
nonerasable paper. They should be accompanied oy
the author's name, class standing and major, or
occupation. Alt miHl !hm;H o these caf.81
I subject to editins and 1 condensation, and cannot be
I returned to the writer.
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