Qdibriol
Reopening of Suez Chinese land CIA in soup
should include Israel
Eight years ago, 15 ships had the misfortune to be midway
through the Suez Canal when the Arabs and Israelis decided to
engage in military fisticuffs. The war lasted only seven days. The
ships have been trapped there ever since, manned by skeleton
crews and awaiting the reopening of the canal.
It appears that the political barriers at last have been removed,
even if the mines lining the canal have not. Egyptian President
Anwar Sadat has announced that the canal would reopen June 5,
that work, and the hiring of 11,500 persons to run the canal, is
progressing and should be completed on time.
The question is now who will be allowed to use the waterway.
The Arabic-language version of Time last week quoted Sadat as
saying Egypt would, under the Convention of Constantinople
(1888), deny ships carrying Israel -bound cargo to use the canal as
long as a state of war continues between Israel and Egypt. The
statement is puzzling since the convention, which neither Egypt
nor the United States signed, guarantees for all time the freedom of
all nations to use the canal in peace and war.
In the English-language version, Sadat is quoted as saying
Israel-bound cargo would be allowed to pass through.
This is not the first time the canal has been closed. In 1956
then-President Gamal Abdel Nasser ordered the canal closed after
Britain and France took military action against Egypt for its
nationalization of the canal. Nor would it be the first time Israel
was denied use of the canal. That happened in 1951 despite a
United Nations resolution discouraging the action.
Egypt, then, apparently is considering access to the canal as
something that will be surrendered to the Israelis over the
bargaining table in return for a concession to its advantage.
The sad part is that reopening the canal to shipping is something
the Egyptians should be more than happy to do without
demanding any concessions. Before the war closed the canal in
1967, Egypt was expected to earn more than $230 million in toll
rates. Egyptian newspapers have been predicting that the new toll
rates will be 100 per cent higher.
If Egypt does deny nations the right to use the canal because of
political reasons, the United Na ions should try once again to
enforce compliance with the principles of the Convention of
Constantinople.
Wes Albers
Our good Russian friends have warned us of a
Chinese plot so devilishly fiendish as to boggle
the most Machiavellian mind.
Moskovsky Komsomolets, the Moscow
Communist youth publication, says the People's
Republic of China has established a worldwide
spy network in Chinese restaurants-thus
compelling our CIA agents to "spend their time
chewing Bombay duck and gulping birds' nest
soup while trying to determine which waiter is
being used by Peking for illegal activities."
And the diabolical plot, it can now be
revealed, succeeded all too well!
,
"I was the one who finally broke the case,"
admitted former CIA agent Homer T. Pettibone.
a wan and pallid ghost of his former self. "It was
in 1960 that we first learned of this worldwide
spy ring. 'It must be destroyed at all costs,' said
the Chief grimly.
"But do you have any idea how many Chinese
restaurants there are? Our top 19,642 agents
were assigned to the case. For 15 long years I ate
in a different Chinese restaurant every night,
trying to determine which waiter was being used
by Peking for illegal activities. But they all
looked. . .No, I won't say it!
"At last, on the night of April 1,1 struck pay
dirt in the Wat Dat Chinese Cuisine (Booths foi
Ladies) Bar & Grill in Dcs Moines.
"My suspicions were aroused by the waiter's
first words. They were neither, 'Order?' or 'What
you want, Mac? They were 'May I suggest the
Bombay duck and birds' nest soup?'
"I observed him closely. The fact that he was
wearing a trench coat with grenade hooks and a
snap-brimmed fedora struck me immediately.
Nor did I fail to note that he repeatedly asked
me to 'speak directly into the won ton' and
brought me egg rolls, even though there was only
one of me.
"But what clinched it was the fortune cookie,
which said, 'You are a woman of mature beauty
and how would you like to sell me the plans to
the B-l bomber or the Big Mac?'
I arrested him on the spot. After a week of
intensive questioning (we have ways) he cracked.
orthuf hoppe
innocent
"And what had he learned? I learned,' he
said, 'that Americans never know how many
dishes to order and it was always better last
lime.'
'"Then you failed!' I cried triumphantly. 'And
how went your Bay of Pigs?' he said smugly.'Is
Castro still alive? Who's winning in Vietnam?
How. . .'
'"You mean the whole purpose of your
world-wide spy ring. ..' I said, blanching. He
nodded. 'It was,' he said, cackling victoriously,
'to compel you CIA agents to spend your time
chewing Bombay duck and gulping birds' nest
soup while Communism conquered the world!'"
Poor Pettibone! He has since defected to
Jack-in-the-Box. And all he mumbles is, "I'll steal
the plans to the B-l bomber from McDonald's or
my name isn't. . .isn't. . ."
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1975)
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page 4
daily nebraskan
friday, ap.ril 18, 1975
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