editorial
HM you HEARD
THE WORD OFTUE
SKKED POTATO
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THE UA0M
End put off nation shook
The Jehovah's witnesses, according to the Lot
Angeles Timess, last week once again postponed
the end of the world. The stock market promptly
plummeted 17 points.
Outside the financial comnunity, however,
the word that the world would not end on Sept.
5 as predicted was generally received with favor.
A nationwide Trotter Poll indicated that 28.2 per
cent were "heartened" by the postponement,
12.4 per cent "disheartened" and the remaining
59.4 per cent held "no opinion".
Most newspapers contented themselves with
man-on-the-street queries to gauge the public's
reaction to the news. Responses ranged from
"Yeah, I guess it's a pretty good thing" to "Jeez,
I hope they know what they're doing."
The New York Times, however, carried an
eight-column in depth interview with Miss
Mathilda Innisfree, a retired belly dancing
teacher of Pensacola, Fla. She said she was
"delighted" because the hurricane season would
be over by September and she could resume lawn
bowling without fear of being carried away.
Reports were vigorously denied that the
postponement had been caused by pressure from
the television networks, who feared the event
would conflict with Monday Night Football.
"Actually, we're quite relieved," said Homer
T. Pettibone, program director for National
Inspirational Television (NIT), the public
broadcasting network, which had obtained
exclusive coverage of the historic affair.
"The commercial channels wouldn't touch a
thing like that with a ten-foot pole," he said.
"It's a real downer. The ratings invariably show
that a good situation comedy will outdraw that,
kind of stuff two-to-one."
As a public service, NIT had planned a
two-hour special in prime time on Sept
interspersed with tasteful commercial saying
only, "This program was made possible by The
Armageddon Munitions Cartel, Ltd."
It was to have opened with the last known
photo of the planet, taken by the Apollo
astronauts. This was to be followed by a panel
discussion featuring a Protestant historian, a
Catholic bishop, a Jewish psychiatrist, two black
sociologists and an Oriental philosopher
hopefully from mainland China and not Taiwan.
Once they had all assessed in depth the
significance of the occasion and wound up not
speaking to each other, the program would
conclude with a film clip of Mr. Nixon saying,
"This is the greatest event since the Creation" -despite
the risk, as Pettibone put it, "of giving
offense to our Christian viewers."
Qfthur hoppe
innocent bystander
Pettibone said the special will now be replaced
with a two-hour feature on "How to Bud and
Graft Your Aspidistra." NIT executives, he said,
"feel this will have far more audience appeal."
Unfortunately, the Jehovah's Witnesses have
not yet publicly rescheduled the event. But the
trial run has served to prepare the nation's media.
NIT is preserving its program script and the
more sensational newspapers have already set
bold banner headlines in type. They are being
kept in bins marked, "Hold for Release at Any
Time."
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1975)
-Ck i n FL
Dear editor:
When Ron Nessen, Mute House press secretary, recently turned
his WIN button upside down, he softly stated, "it stands for No'
Immediate Miracles!" That jest is certainly indicative of the present
state of economy from which students, especially, are feeling the
squeeze. With speculation of student fees rising again, everyone
seems to be looking for means to alleviate their own financial
situation. That's why I'm enthusiastic about the Air National
Guard.
Air National Guard members receive half tuition at the
university for any number of credit hours carried. A student
maintaining a minimum full-time load of 12 hours, for instance,
will save $216 each semester and $432 a year. Air Guard members
also earn at least $50 every month for attending one weekend
training session-on a Saturday and Sunday from 8 a.m. to 4:30
p.m. each day. That's over $3 per hour for 16 hours work.
Students who have no prior service and need a full-time job this
summer should consider the Air Guard. We offer the individual
more than $1 ,200 to attend a six-week basic training course at San
Antonio, Tex., and then attend one of many schools available in
such fields as finance, communications, administration and others.
Students who have prior service (any branch) may enlist at their
pay rate at discharge and their inactive obligation time is applicable
for pay and promotion purposes. Many additional benefits are
available to members of the Air National Guard. Anyone interested
in further information can call 473-1218 or 799-2547.
SSgt. Ellis
Air National Guard
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page 4 daily nebraskan fridayf march 7 1975