ediforio
old and silver' names stop Arab oil embarao
V'V-
"It's very Christian of them," said Mr. Goldman angrily. In fact,
he was so angry that he went home and hatched his fiendish plot.
As a first step, he quit his job and took another at a 50 per cent
pay cut. But he was very happy in his work, humming all the time.
The fruition of his plans came a month later when the Sultan of
Swat triumphantly inspected the very newest in his fleet of C-507
Super-Luxury-Troop-Transport-Fighter-Bomber-&-Red-Carpet
-Service $500 million aircraft.
"Ahah!" he cried, rubbing his hands. "Thanks to the greed of
the Americans, we now have precisely enough weapons to launch
our jihad against the Israelis and drive them into the sea!"
Of . course, the first thing he examined, like any passenger, was
the seat pocket in front of him. He quickly perused a copy of the
monthly magazine, "Friendly Skies," studied "The Safety Features
of Your C-507" ("In case of emergency, please write the factory"),
and carefully read, "How to Inflate Your Life Vest." ("Very handy
for desert fighting," he commented. "Those Americans think of
everything.")
Finally, he fished far down in the pocket and came up with a
tiny scrap of paper. He glanced at it and blanched. "By the beard
of the Prophet!" he shouted, turning purple. "This is too much!"
arthur hoppe ,
"He says he doesn't care if we're just a couple of visitors from overseas looking for
investment possibilities in the United States and that we ran out of gas out here in the
middle of nowhere-he's sticking to his blacklist"
Credit must go to my friend David Goldman for ending the
Arab boycott, bringing peace to the Middle East, plugging up the
dollar drain and thus revitalizing the economy.
It all began when Mr. Goldman drove into Houlihan's Friendly
Service Station and said, "Houlihan", dear friend, kindly fill 'er up
( while I, as usual, clean my windshield, inflate my tires and check
under my hood."
"Sorry, Dave, old buddy," said Mr. Houlihan, looking
uncomfortable, "but I cannot."
"You are out of gas?"
"No, it is this Arab boycott," said Mr. Houliahn nervously. "I
cannot sell you gas because my distributor would then not sell me
gas because the importers would then not sell him gas because the
Arabs would not then. . .But cheer up, Dave. Everybody's thinking
about you."
"What does it say, 0 Fountain of Love and Brotherhood?"
inquired his Really Grand Vizier.
"It says," said the Sultan with a shudder, his hands trembling
with rage, " 'Inspected by David Goldman.' "
Needless to say, the outraged Arabs returned every single
bullet's worth of the $16.3 zillion in arms we had sold them.
What's more, they quadrupled the price of our oil.
"We will bankrupt then," fumed the furious Sultan, "by
bleeding them dry of every single dollar bill they've got!"
But Mr. Goldman was prepared for that. He simply sent a
suggestion to the President, who said, "By gosh, that's a dandy
idea. I'll do it."
Mr. Goldman's suggestion was, to wit: "I see where we've got a
U.S. treasurer named Francine Neff, who signs all our dollar bills.
Why don't you appoint my cousin, Emily Silverstein, instead?"
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1975)
Ctme U o. ' ) f (L7
teen0,fnarts lift
HUARACHES
....from "South
of the Border"
Fun to wear... in tune with
the Spring and Summer
sportswear, and featuring
wooden soles and upper
of woven leather strips;
CARACAS, navy or brown;
$14
MONTEGNO, white,
brown & burgundy; $16
PEPPER, brown, $16
UNA, brown, $18
W
I CON
thursday, march 6, 1975
daily nebraskan
page 5
