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Hot sports:
Husks drip
as band
plays on!
The stampeding Colorado buuaioes trompea into
Memorial Stadium Saturday and shucked the beloved UNL
Cornhuskers, 96-0.
"They were just the better team today. Coach Bomb
Osburn admitted after the game. "We were looking ahead
to Kansas State. You have to take it one game at a time.",
"Our boys played well, though," he added. "Everybody
gave 100 today." " " '
Osburn saw one bright spot in the Saturday debacle.
Although the Huskers now have absolutely no chance of
breaking into the Top 20, they have a great shot at dripping
Into the Bottom 20. -
"I think we're a sure bet for the Bottom 20, Osburn
said. "I don't see how the writers can't vote for us now.
Our record is M0, and our only victory is over the
Nebraska School for the Blind. Kansas State is ranked No. 1
in the Bottom 20 right now, but I'm sure we can lose big
down there next week and overtake them for the national
championship. Even the Pope would have to vote us last."
True to form, Husker Phony Davis fumbled the opening
kickoff, allowing the Buffaloes a quick score. Colorado,
then tried a squib kick to throw UNL off even more. The
pigskin flew all over the gridiron with the Huskers in hot
pursuit. Two players, Rik Bonehead and Stan Headgear,
were knocked unconscious when their helmets collided
while diving for the ball.
"Losing is good for you. It builds character,
quarterback David Fun said philosophically. "Our entire
season isn't lost yet, but I'm sure if we work hard enough,
we can make it a total failure. We should have the best
character of any team in the nation."
Fun completed 10 of 20 passes for the day-one to his
own teammates and nine to the Colorado defenders.
"Our guys just couldn't hang onto the ball," he said
dejectedly. "I had to throw it to the other guys to make my
completion percentage look good. You gotta build up those
All-American credentials, you know."
Osburn was disappointed his team could not score after
recovering the leather lemon on the Colorado 1-yard line.
However, four straight running plays netted minus 40
yards, putting the ball well out of field goal range.
"I guess we should have gone for the field goal on fust
down," Osburn moaned. , ,. .,. .
The game was ended! prematurely when the Husker
die-hards stormed onto the field late in the second second
quarter and tore down the goal posts to prevent Colorado
from surpassing 100 points. .
"That was very thoughful of the fans, Osburn said.
"They back our team 100." mi w"
Monster' back Wonder Tvfen was thankful for another
"We didn't have to listen to Osburn's boring halftime
sermon."
"'BIMfl!p!l'L "STOW
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Year Convenient Center Far Summer Recreational
Heeds Such As Tennis Bulls, Frssbees,
Southing Aids, Etc.
& after the hwhimdow
V74.h t WAshindton 27th Vina
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5
Sherwood Kenwood
Harman-Kardon Craig
This will help!
3943 S. 40th SuiL-Fri.
Bouncing baton bips
bearded bozo 's beans
ByTwWaU.Tittej iwl's twirling phenomenon.
Nebraskan reporter.
First off I want everyone to remember, as they pick up their
telephones to cZ Diane upon reading this article, that I am trying
f Pu" mysdf through school while W""
mother with a wooden leg and two epileptic twin brothers.
The thing I most recall about Diane was the night of
graduation in9'63 when Principal Nuta had asked Perform
her astounding baton twirling act. in lieu of the marching band
playing "Pomp and Circumstance." .
For weeks, I watched her practicing various tff"
carefully executing peaceful jumps over and about a baton of fire.
Decked out in her most microscopic white sequined
baton-twirling bikini, Diane was met backstage by Principal Nuta
just as the high school stage band lit into her opening number
"Come on, Baby, Light My Fire." Flashily accented chords could
be heard as he well-wished her:
' "Godamn it! Don't you dare screw it up! Pretend this is Ted
Mack Amateur Hour-do your best!"
"Sure, Principal Nuta. Gee, thanks."
"Really, kid. You do good, and we'll cancel Planksv.lle s head
football coach's dissertation on how life is like one big punt!
"Really?" she breathed.
"Yeah we'll let you dance on the podium to Hang 'Em High
which is exactly what'll happen to me if the county supervisor
ever hears about this year's graduation ceremony.
"Oh, is that why you've restricted this ceremony only to
fathers?'"
His only reply was to push Diane out into the audience of
mustaches and beards.
With agility and grace, she tossed the ring of fire above her
head-not once, twice or thrice-but a total of 97 times! She
balanced it upon her left little toe and spun it about until we felt
as if we were dizzy ice skaters. Hundreds of appreciative claps and
whistles filled the auditorium, and I could hardly help wondering
if finally she was beginning her long trek up the road of stardom.
Slipping into the last lap of her tedious routine, Diane craftily
tossed the baton (still spinning) from her left toe to the big toe of
her right foot, skipped past the front row of the graduates, and
then suddenly flicked it to a finger held high above her head.
Swept up in the audience's appreciation, my baton-whirling
friend failed to notice the outstretched foot of a remedial reading
instructor as she bunny-hopped past the faculty section.
Breath being sucked in could be heard about the auditorium
as Diane's silver stack-heeled sandal caught upon the foot and
caused her to stumble.
The ring of fire crashed from its Statue of Liberty perch,
igniting her long brunette locks.
"Ha, ha!" sneered the reading instructor. "Always told you to
come in about that lisp!"
Her head blazed like a torch (some of it was embarrassment).
A blanket was brought forth for the principal to stamp the flames
out.
"I told you not to ruin my ceremony!" he screeched.
w
E NEED YOU:
fipplications are now being taken
for positions
on the Daily Nebraskan staff
for the fall semester 1974-75.
Openings Include?
reporters, entertainment and
ports writers, columnists, layout editor,
night news editor,
copy editors, news assistant, editorial
assistant, artists and photographers.
Rpplication blanks can be picked
up before Saturday in the Nebraskan
office, Nebraska Union Room 34.
page 12. - daily nebraskan
friday, may 3, 1974
1 -.
