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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (March 20, 1974)
ayde f we call them the len Suggestions..
And, lo, it came to pass that an evi!
drought did sirike ihe ianu. And as the
desert sun doth suck up a shallow
pool, it dried and withered the
sustenance of the beasts of the field
the people did treasure the most, their
For in those days, a man's wealth
was measured by the size and numbers
of his auto-mo-biles; and he did
cherish them above all other things
upon the face of the earth. And, for
want of sustenance, the auto-mo-biles
did sputter and die.
And the people, in their suffering,
did raise up their voices to the
heavens. Some cursed those who
produced the sustenance; some cursed
those who sold it; and some cursed
J Li bWOs
And they went unto soothsayers.
Said one: The sustenance shall soon
return. Said another: Thou shall not
see sufficient sustenance again within
all the days of your lives.
And some of the people raised red
or yellow or green banners to ward off
evil spirits; and all hunted and fought
through the hours of the days for the
few precious drops that remained.
And srs thsir suffrir, trv?y did
raise up one of their number called
Simon; and they did make of him their
And Simon did come down from
the summit of Capitol Hi'! end spake
unto the people, saying: Keep unto
thee this covenant and there shall be
sustenance for all; and thy flocks of
auto-mo-biles shall increase unto the
days of they children's children. And
he commanded them, saying:
Thou shalt have no other Czars
Thou shalt not take the name of
thy Czar in vain should the pump go
dry as thou pullest up.
Thou shalt observe the alternate
days of the month, odd for odd, even
for even; but for the 31st day, which
shall be known as a free-for-all.
Remember the sabbath and keep
your tanks full.
Honor thy father and thy mother
and do not borrow the family car.
Thou shalt not kill, even the man
who bargeth ahead of thee in line.
Thou shalt not commit speeds in
excess cf 55 m.p.h.
Thou shalt not siphon.
Thou shalt not alter thy gas gauge
to bear false witness.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's
economy car, nor his Jeep can, nor his
license plate, nor any means of
sustenance that is thy neighbor's.
And all the people answered with
one voice, and said, All the words
which the Czar hath said will we do.
And there was rejoicing in the land.
But, !o, it came to pass that all the
banners and covenants and
commandments could not bring' forth
sustenance whereof there was no
sustenance. And the auto-mo-biles did
yet sputter and die in the fields.
And the people did turn from their
Cior find curse him, saying. What good
are hi Ten Commandments?
And a wise man did" rise from
among them; and !s apks, saying:
Well, they worked as good as the first
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co.)
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Wednesday, march 20, 1974
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