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Dear Diary: I'm absolutely furious with Bill.
Do you know what he said to me at breakfast?
He said, "Poodles, why can't you throw parties
like Brenda Du Monde?" And what makes me
absolutely furious is that he's absolutely right.
I mean last night she absolutely outdid
herself again. The invitations were very
mysterious: "The pleasure of your company is
requested to meet Mr. Albert Houlihan."
Absolutely nobody knew who he was. But, of
course, absolutely everybody went. Absolutely
everybody always goes to Brenda's parties.
I mean she was the very first to have a Viet
Cong guerrilla as guest of honor. And then
there were those fascinating Weatherpeople and
those interesting Mafioso and those two
absolutely charming Palestinian terrorists at the
last one.
arthur
hoppe
. La y tiiiwd
Bill guessed Houlihan was an IRA (Irish
Republican Army) bomber. I doubted it. I
mean who talks about them any more?
Well, we arrived a wee bit late and Brenda
and I exchanged the usual greetings these days.
"Do you have any gas?" I asked.
"A full tank, dear," she said with that
superior smile of hsrs.
Well, I got into a long discussion with
Brenda's hairdresser about how long we'd each
waited in line. But Brenda's psychiatrist
changed the subject to whether ft was better to
be an odd or an even. And I was half listening
to her lawyer and her doctor arguing over
whether they'd rather have cars with good gas
mileage or cars with big gas tar.!:,. That's when
Houlihan arrived.
"May I present," said Brenda, absolutely
crowing with triumph, "my gas station
attendant!"
Well! He was smoking this fascinating cigar
and wearing these charming greasy coveralls. I
mean you could tell he was the real thing, all
right. And you should have seen the way
everybody flocked around him.
Brenda's stockbroker was offering him tips
on the market. Her veterinarian was wondering
if he played golf. And her banker was hinting
outrageously that his wonderful daughter
would make some man a wonderful wife.
"Mr. Houlihan," said Brenda, "do tell us
about the Middle East situation."
"All I know, lady," he growled, "is I only
got G0 of my quota this mcnth." And
everybody sort of applauded. I mean he was so
authentic, you know.
And Brenda does have talent for ethnic
foods. I mean she had french fries for hors
d'oeuvres and a choice of beer or milkshakes.
And over the entre (hamburgers with
everything), Houlihan relaxed a bit and told us
some absolutely marvelous stories about
fistf ights and rammings and how he had to club
one old lady with his gun butt.
He had to leave early, though. "Look, lady,"
he told Brenda, "I got three more parties to go
to."
So I'm absolutely furious. I mean I'm having
a party tonight for this very nice senator on the
Watergate committee. And he's promised to tell
absolutely everybody , all the inside tidbits
about the whole sordid affair. But absolutely
nobody's coming.
Bill's absolutely right. Why can't I throw
parties like Brenda Du Monde?
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1974)
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friday, march 15, 1974
daily nebreskan
page 5
4 4 i 4, .
.A. 4. '
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