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Sneakin'
around
Thursday night at its formal
session the Board of Regents
was to discuss a UNL
administration proposal which,
if approved, would allow
dormitory residents to schedule
as many as 12 hours of coed
visitation on Saturdays. The
limit is now six hours.
This editorial will not be
spent urging the regents to
accept the proposal. The board
and most students must be
aware of where the Daily
Nebraskan stands on this issue.
For more than five years we
have asked, pleaded and
demanded that UNL dormitory
residents be granted the right to
determine rules for their
individual living units. This case
is no exception.
But even if the proposal is
accepted by the board, UNL
students should not rejoice in
acceptance. For the methodry
used to push the proposal
before the board reeks of the
attitude of some of Nixon't
thugs when they testified before
the Senate Watergate
committee.
Several of them said they
thought the illegal activities in
which the Committee to
Re-elect the President allegedly
was involved were justified
because they believed the end
more important than the means.
So it was with the new coed
visitation proposal.
UNL administrators kept the
news of it from the public in
the hope that litle public furor
would increase its chances of
passing. These same persons
support increased student
self-government and are correct
in doing so. But they must
realize it is better for a favored
proposal to be openly discussed
and then defeated on its merits
than to sneak about trying to
assure its passage.
The government of the
University, like the government
of the nation, must not become
involved in cloak and dagger
tactics. Government must be
run so that the citizens (in this
case, the students) can discuss
the issues involved. Secrecy
thwarts free speech, discussion
and the development of stronger
proposals better fitting the
needs of those affected by it.
UNL students and the state
expect better from college
administrators.
Michael (O.J.) Nelson
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Concerned citizens request ban on Twinkies
The National Committee of Self-Concerned
Citizens held a gala rally to thank the government
for nropo&ing a ban on cigarets.
"This will mark another giant stride toward our
common goal of having our kindly and benevolent
government protect us from ourselves" Executive
Director Homer I . Pettibone said.
"Following as it does on the heels of laws
requiring motorcycle helmets and seat belts," he
told the cheering throng, "we now can look forward
to the glorious day when every man no longer will
fear his own most dangerous enemy - namely
himself."
But the exuberant mood of the rally was broken
by Henrietta Heiffer, who rose to demand a
government ban on Hostess Twinkies.
"You smokers who love smoking are quite right
to thank the government from saving you from
smoking," she said. "But what of us decent citizens
who love Hostess Twinkies?"
"I eat 23 Hostess Twinkies a day and now weigh
214 lbs." Heiffer said. "Unless the government bans
Hostess Twinkies, statistics prove I will pass to my
reward 10 years ahead of schedule cither by
having a heart attack or becoming irretrievably
stuck in a sedan chair."
"Why don't you just give up Hostess Twinkies?"
shouted an irascible old man in the back row.
"Why don't you just give up smoking?" Heiffer
snapped back.
Pounding his gavel, Pcttibone managed to restore
peace. "Let us remember our motto," he said. "Man
is weak, government is strong; thus the government
can take better care of us than we can."
A motion to lobby for a government ban on
Hostess Twinkies then was carried with only one
dissenting vote. It came from the irascible old man,
, Qfthur
hoppe
lftfiOfll
who apparently though he was attending a meeting
of the National Rifle Assoc.
"When Hostess Twinkies are outlawed," he
warned ominously, "only outlaws will have Hostess
Twinkies."
The measure opened a floodgate. Resolutions
quickly were adopted to seek government bans on
such potentially dangerous items and activities as
potatoes O'Brien, sunbathing, step ladders, jogging,
bathtubs, windows in high-rise buildings, skiing,
matches, platform shoes, horses, knitting needles
and, as a blow against veneral disease, sex and toilet
seats.
It was a young man named Rancid who brought
up the critical financial question. "The government
already forces us to save up to pay our taxes
through compulsory withholding," he said. "And it
forces us to save for our old age through
compulsory Scoial Security. It knows we're too
stupid to do this for ourselves."
"But what about protecting us when it comes to
saving to pay the rent, the light, the gas? Whoever
makes ends meet? The government must protect us
from our stupidity by taking over our household,
budgets and preventing us from foolishly
squandering our money on such fripperies as mod
ties, Hungarian doorknockers and ground chuck."
The motion passed with a unanimous roar.
The meeting adjourned hastily, however, when
old Mrs. Ziggenfuss pounded her cane and
demanded: "What about banning alcohol? Now
there would be a noble experiment."
"I'll," Petti bone said, leading the mass exodus,
"drink to that."
Copyright Chronicli; Publicum) Co. 1')3. J
V. . ,
page 4
daily nebraskan
friday, august 31, 1973
