The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, March 14, 1973, Page page 4, Image 4

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    editorio
ASUN spring elections
1973
Vote today
The Daily Nebraskan has endorsed and recommends
that you vote the the following ASUN executive
candidates:
for president-Bill Freudenburg (UP)
for first vice president
Karen Richardson (UP)
for second vice president
Sue Overing (UP)
Students may vote at any of the following polling
places.
Andrews Hall 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
East Union 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Hamilton Hall 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
M & N Building 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Nebraska Hall 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Nebraska Union 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Ballots,
mandates
and power
"The purpose of this organization shall be to act as the
supreme student governing body in the regulation and
coordination of all phases of student self government and to
serve as an agency through which the relationship between
administration, faculty and students and between the general
public and students may be maintained."
The statement above is the constitutional purpose
of the UNL student government. Doesn't sound much
like ASUN, does it?
Since its beginning in 1965, ASUN has been
continually handicapped in one way or another.
ASUN has been hobbled by the Board of Regents,
challenged by an occasional court case, attacked by
the state legislature and stifled by terms of
ineffectual leadership.
ASUN also has never had a student mandate.
UNL students historically have been disinterested
in ASUN. The highest voter turnout for the annual
spring elections was 43 per cent in 1967. Student
participation has dipped as low as 20 per cent in some
elections. It seems obvious that ASUN might have
difficulty making a case for its validity.
While the absence of election mandates has not
made ASUN less of a yovernment, it has most
certainly caused the body to be less powerful than it
should be.
Today is ASUN election day. It takes only 10
minutes to make an active commitment to the idea
that the original purposes of ASUN should be
fulfilled.
Vote.
Shaman Jack Mason usurps androids' rights
This year's ASUN campaign has been most far'ial,
considering the amount of flatuence exchanged
between the Unity and Pi ogress (UP) and Get Off
Your Apathy (GOYA) parties. Only Sharnan Jack
Mason has elevated himself above this morass of H 2S
(Students, as well asandioids, are warned not to light
fires of any kind in the presence of GOYA or UP
candidates, as the H 2S will ignite and explode
immediately.)
Shaman Jack Mason, presidential candidate of the
Surrealist Light People's Party (SLPP), is the only
candidate to derive the paradigm of reality under
which we operate. Mason tells us that the University
"is a low-budget movie inhabited by three types of
beings."
Humans, the first type of being, are small in
number on the campus. The crux of their existence
"depends upon the humans not realizing they are
humans and that the others are others," Mason said.
Androids, the second type of being, are
mechanical creations or homunculi. According to
Mason, they "resemble humans. ..but are totally
incapable of any more than primitive mechanical
thought." They are "programmed to think they are
human."
Them, the third type of being, are the
"perpetrators of the hoax of existence," Mason said.
They are the directors in the "low-budget movie" in
which we all participate. The shaman said: "We do
Mil fr ri n)u a&a isrva a -ass
ffitomrzvtr'' " """" ill
not know anything more of them than the fact that
they are not us and they are nasty."
However, although Mason may have derived the
true paradigm of reality, he is certainly no
ward healer. In other words, he has ignored the
political reality of the thousands of us androids, who
are programmed to take notes in class, to digest
android food at the dorms and to accumulate units.
Mason is the last in the great line of elitist
humanoids trying to usurp the rights of the vast
majority of beings on this earth, namely we androids.
1 1
DOD russe
horse sense
Mason's cheap shots at androids, calling us
"low-budget mechanical creations", are totally
unfounded.
Besides this political mudslinging, Mason has failed
to address himself to the issues that concern all
androids.
The shaman has said that androids, "as inanimate
beings, do not need visitation, therefore, visitation is
OUT!" Mason suggested that a sheep be put on each
dorm floor to be at the disposal of all androids. He
neglects the fact that androids, being designed in a
very specific way, are incapable of using sheep for
any other purpose than fuel.
The main issue that the shaman has failed to
address is the issue of the correct, scientific, leaning
angle for all toilets on campus. The three main
functions in the life of an android are eating, sleeping
and elimination. Because androids are designed in
specific ways, we must adhere to these programs
rigidly. If we deviate from any of our programs,
whether the program be taking a multiple-guess exam
or eating android food in the dorms, we start to
malfunction.
At present, toilets on campus are installed at the
wrong angle increasing the difficulty of eliminating
for androids, if not impossible Humanoids cannot
possibly know the daily suffering of androids because
the inventor of the modern flush toilet was a
humanoid and therefore knew nothing about the
scientific leaning angle for toilets.
The two android parties, UP and GOYA, have
spewn forth only buffalo chips. Mason's SLPP party
represents the elitist humanoid clique on our campus.
Therefore, I would urge you all to write in my name
for ASUN president tomorrow. I would promise to
install all toilets on the campus with the correct
scientific leaning angle and carry out numerous other
android reforms.
N 7ME SuRWEAt ST L6HT PEOPLE'S PMCN UDfolW
m 1 in. 1 1 r 1 f ' ..m - - " " c-
I
RMDRQ1D5 VILL WIN IM THE END
rT IS oBvilDUS THAT THIS COCMIt. MoDlfi INi
31 TVUT ANDROIDS f0 7HY ARB
MVLVPlilNh 3V THE kJiZf&STHl MILUPNS
ujncrJ mcT QC 1 OUT OK COU-fcfc ALL.
Willi OCf-JUtC It A Jkli f A ' mM
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VI THIN K of j f AUT
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I MUST" RISE ABOO A LA
TH IS ANP SfW WHIMVWS!
...BUT WHAT'S TMEU5E?
SQUISH?
SOMBMDW UTE rtUST GET WD 6P
UV peMOfJS, ArVQ BE THE RoBJNf
Hoods df the rLmjt.urK $Auny
prom TWc RICH And cwe to the
PDOF-f VCrtE NOT NSANEf6uThJXi
fttJP tAoy&i ft 0rjL.V g AVgpjrTVgc MERSaF
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page 4
daily nebraskan
Wednesday, march 13, 1973