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Peace politics
Whoopee.
All indications are that the war may be
over. Presidential adviser Henry Kissinger said
Thursday that "peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
Hanoi claims that the United States has
agreed to several peace terms and only a few
minor points have yet to be worked out.
The only problem is that it's about four
years too late.
Four years ago, when Nixon took office,
the war in Vietnam was admittedly in full
swing already. But it became worse.
In Nixon's term of office the war
expanded to a full-scale Indochina War,
involving millions more victims in a skirmish
in which they had no interest or stake.
Surprisingly, the peace terms summarized
by the North Vietnamese seem to be fair to
both sides. And amazingly much like what the
North Viets have been asking all along.
The terms outlined by Hanoi include
provisions for a cease fire, U. S. withdrawal
from Southeast Asia, eventual re-unification
of North and South, immediate release of
POWS, an international committee for
military control and supervision and, most
importantly, a coalition government with
both the Thieu government and Viet Cong
leaders retaining some former powers.
The last provision could be precisely the
key to the recent breakthroughs in
negotiations. The government-by-coalition,
supervising free elections within the country
would seem to be the best way to avoid
governmental takeover by either the
Communists or Thieu's fascist strongmen.
What exactly caused delay in negotiations
for the past few years is uncertain. However,
one can be sure, that American stubborness
and lack of foresight had a lot to do with it.
And, no doubt, a hefty hunk of good ole
American pride. Which doesn't say much for
the current administration's priorities.
Even now, it is not known how soon the
war machine actually will grifjd to a halt. The
North now claims that the U. S. government
is stalling on minor points, which sounds like
a true story.
There can be no doubt that the new peace
rumor was strategically timed to coincide
with pre-election activities. With balloting less
than two weeks away, the administration
certainly will try to milk any chance of a
settlement for all it's worth.
There is a chance, however, that this
electioneering could backfire. Recently,
political scientists have speculated that talk of
a truce may actually help Sen. McGovern
more than Nixon. Brought into play here is
another issue the economy.
According to opinion experts, the public is
beginning to worry, at the hint of peace,
about where the economy will go after the
truce. And that could injure Nixon.
With America's currently-depressed
economy and Nixon's shoddy economic
record, any voter with even a shred of
intelligence would have to at least consider
what even more unemployed military and
military support personnel would do to the
already-imbalanced Nixon Clockwork
Economy.
Right now, it appears the only way Nixon
could lose the election would be to cut his
own throat. That may be exactly what he s
doing by dragging out peace negotiations.
You might call that overkill-in more ways
than one.
No. 1 zero
Of all the proposed Nebraska
Constitutional Amendments which will
appear on the ballot Nov. 7, Amendment No.
1 is clearly No. 1 in absurdity as well.
The amendment would prohibit those
between the ages of 18 and 21 from serving in
the Legislature.
Proponents of the measure claim those
under 21 are not mature enough, have no
responsibilities and own few properties, all of
which, they say, make the youngsters unfit to
serve.
Pshaw.
It is hard to believe that anyone with
anything bigger than a chip on his shoulders
could actually believe that legislative ability
matures appreciably between his 18th and
21st birthdays. It is also difficult to believe
that anyone could claim young adults, who
often have the greatest buying power, could
be considered fiscally unsound.
Most absurd of all, however, is the thought
that while a person is qualified to vote at 18,
he is not experienced enough to hold office.
The basis of the American system is that all
people are parties to the decisions of the
government. Voters have just as much
responsibility as office holders.
Some amendments are shallow, but this is
ridiculous. No. 1 is a big zero in any book.
Jim Gray
Martians plot takeover of American television
MomdayA'"Mjrtian space ship landed 24 hours
ago on Route 182 in suburban Pocatello, Pa., and
disgorged 72 six-armed monsters with cerise heads, it
was learned today.
The interplanetary craft blocked the road, forcing
motorist Emery J. Bord to slam on his brakes. Bord
said later one of the Martians demanded: "Take me
to your leader." Bord directed him to the nearest
phone booth before speeding on his way.
Asked why he hadn't reported the invasion from
outer space at the time, Bord shrugged. "I didn't
want to get involved," he said.
Tuesday-White House Press Secretary Ronald
Zeigler announced today that Henry Kissinger had
cancelled a date with Jill St. John to fly to Pocatello.
r""ZeTgTer said he 'didn't krTdw what Kissinger would
do in Pocatello or whether he would negotiate with
the Martians or what about or anything else new. The
stock market immediately jumped seven points.
Meanwhile, Sergeant Shriver charged that a high
interior department official had sold the Washington
Monument to the invaders for three million gloks, the
Martian monetary unit. He demanded that "the
public be heard on this corrupt scandal."
The public was heard when a lady in Duluth told a
sidewalk interviewer, "What else do you expect from
politicians?"
Wednesday President Nixon delivered an
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emergency telecast to the nation tonight from the
White House, now ringed by Martian space ships.
"My fellow Americans," he said, "there it no cause
for alarm. For while the number of Martian invaders
continues to increase, the rate of increase has
dropped sharply, thanks to the vigorous,
middle-of-the-road policies of this administration.
Therefore, I can say to you truthfully tonight that we
are winding down the invasion."
Unfortunately, the President appeared in a time
slot opposite "The Galloping Slurs"-a rolicking
family comedy about a right-wing Jewish Elk who
fights with his Samoan-ltalian Communist wife. Thus
the President received a Nielsen rating of only
74-not counting an elderly Scarsdale couple who, if
they hadn't fallen asleep in front of their set, would
have brought the number to 76.
Thursday-At a monster rally in Manhattan,
Senator McGovern pledged tonight that he would
force the unilateral withdrawal of all monsters within
90 days.
This, he said, would save $10.6 billion, which,
coupled with his proposed double inheritance tax on
twin-screw yachts, would finance his $142.6 billion
anti-everything-bad legislative program.
The throng of 42 leaped to their feet-27 cheering,
8 shouting, "Four more years!" and 7 asking each
other, "Is he going to talk all night?"
Friday-The latest Trotter Poll showed 32 per cent
approved Nixon's handling of the monster situation;
16 per cent favored Senator McGovern; 7 per cent
were for the monsters; and 45 per cent felt everyone
should mind their own business.
Saturday-The invaders at last revealed their
purpose. Pre-empting the networks, a Martian
spokesman said today they had come "only in peace
and to help their Earthling brothers."
As a first step, he said, television would henceforth
carry nothing but educational programs designed
solely "to inform the public and stimulate interest in
the grave issues of the day."
At this, Americans unanimously rose up in
righteous wrath, drove the invaders back into their
space ships and kicked them off the planet.
By nightfall, everything had returned to normal.
(Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1972)
page 4
daily nebraskan
friday, October ?7, 1972