bart
becker
gnostic
First of all, the bad news, The Bossman for next
semester at the Daily Nebraskan tells me this is the
last Gnostic Turpitude of all time. Destructive
progress, to my way of thinking.
Now for the good news. This is also the last Daily
Nebraskan for the semester. You'll have to be
ignorant of everything going on in the world of UNL
until next fall. And that might be good considering
some of the stuff that's graced these candid pages for
the past four months.
So let's take a gnostalgic stumble down memory
lane and recall all the fun and good times we've had
this semester. And won't that be fun; and bring tears
to your eyes and gas to your stomach. The remainder
of this column (before we hit the asterisks) will be
chronologically backwards because that's the way the
files are kept down here.
Just this last week the Arts and Sciences faculty
projected a collective question mark, said, "What, Me
Worry?" and did nothing about the group
requirements. Group requirements, for those of you
who aren't aware of them, mean that all Arts and
Science College students must operate on the buddy
system. All A&S students must move in groups of six
people between the hours of 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. I
know it sounds like a silly requirement but you'll
never get out of school if you don't abide by it.
A headline on Friday, April 28, yelled
"Cornhusker falls victim to changing times." Many
students missed the importance of this story. What it
actually dealt with was the change from standard to
daylight savings time and a Nebraskan who was
scheduled to be executed at sunrise.
As part of a secret ceremony for reaching Nirvana,
this unnamed individual had volunteered to be shot at
sunrise the day before. He had been planning to fool
the Nebraska firing squad by predicting that the sky
would grow black just before dawn. However,
daylight savings time brought dawn an hour early and
his scheme was thwarted. Que Sera, Sera.
And only a few short weeks ago the Daily
Nebraskan proved its alliances with Washington, D.C.,
by coming out in favor of re-electing Richard Nixon
as dog catcher. It was an unprecedented move in the
history of collegiate journalism and one that will bear
up under the pressure of the years. If Nixon is elected
to the post, you know who's getting the credit. Us,
that's who.
Nixon's last offical speech in pursuit of the
position, by the way, was given in the early 50s and is
now popularly known as the "Checkers speech." In it
he indicated his empathy with dogs, so you know he's
the one.
Just a few days before that, protest was the word.
And to prove it, nearly the whole University went to
classes walking backwards. It was also rumored,
though never documented, that many students put
their gum on the bottom of their chairs in a symbolic
protest.
In a move designed to placate the protesters, the
president urged that individual states outlaw 4iah
jiaeah diahrrea, note to the copy desk-I don 't
know how to spell it and I can 't find a dictionary.
What I mean is bad, uncomfortable poop.
For a week in April, campus circles were in an
uproar over a predicament incurred by one of their
members. He swelled up mysteriously and was rushed
to student health. Student health officials lived up to
their motto: "Out goes the bad blood, in goes the
good blood," and had the husky sophomore back on
his bicycle within a week.
On April 12, the Daily Nebraskan ran a graph on
page one which indicated the VD rate on campus was
higher than the enrollment. The chart further showed
that everyone on campus should have contracted a
social disease by the following noon, and that about
96 per cent of the total enrollment -both male and
female-would be pregnant by the first of May. The
Daily Nebraskan has not received further word on the
epidemic.
Around the first of April the Lincoln Gazette was
born in frustration and a mimeograph machine. It's
purposeVto find out just what the hell's wrong
around here and we think something is."
On March 23 the staff of the Daily Nebraskan
emerged en masses from the Union basement, blinked
once and returned.
Early in March Can O' Beans Comics grabbed the
literary world below the belt and hasn't turned it
loose yet. However unnamed authorities grabbed the
Cao O ' Beans staff in a similar location, and forced
the jokesters to utter a serious, "Yipes!"
At midnight on March 10, the Board of Regents
reportedly held a secret meeting to discuss what color
of socks to wear. After considerable goosing by the
members, the board . decided to table the sock
question. They did vote, however, to include a short
phrase on all NU stationary.
'The worms go in, the worms go out, the worms
play pinochle on your snout,' expressed our feelings
exactly," a spokesman said.
Jerry Rubin visited the campus as part cf the
controversial World in Revolution Conference.
"What's going on?" the pert former revolutionary was
heard to ask.
"We dunno," someone was heard to answer.
Near the end of February . UNL students
threatened to reveal they knew the difference
between beys and girls to their parents if they
weren't allowed to smooth the lumps out of their
mattresses. Chancellor Zumberge muttered something
about packing the dissident students in ice or hot,
wet comr. esses until they "melt away." Student
leaders were heard to complain about "funny smells"
and things that go "bump" in the night.
On Valentines' Day, ironically, a pert UNL coed
was awarded the honor of Block and Bridle Club
queen. She earned the honor by selling 600 hams to
her neighbors. After the crowning she reported that
she had had a religious experience during the ham
sales.
"They spoke to me," she laughed. "They said,
'What'U you be doing after work, big girl.' I just
laughed and ran away." . ..
On February 1, it was erroneously reported that
the state of Nebraska had been purchased by the
UNL biology department, to supply beef for a
department picnic. Not so, said a spokesman for the
department.
"We wanted to put it in. formaldehyde," he
chuckled.
On Christmas Day it did not snow.
A lot of stuff's going on this weekend and until
the end of the school year. A lot of stuff will be going
on after that, too, but I probably don't know about
much of it.
Friday and Saturday in the Union Small
Auditorium and Sunday at the East Campus Union,
Union Weekend Films is presenting The Boys in the
Band,
Next Tuesday Union Special Films is offering a
bundle of entertainment at Sheldon Gallery.
Salesman, Mingus (a portrait of jazz composer Charles
Mingus), The Blues According to Lightning Hopkins,
and a local film To the Loved Ones at Home are
scheduled.
Friday afternoon from noon to nine the East
Union will sponsor Cornstock II. The free outdoor
concert will feature seven rock groups. You can't beat
the price.
University Theater presents Shakespeare's The
Tempest opening Friday.
And next Wednesday Creedence Clearwater
Revival will headline a show at Pershing that will
include Tony Joe White and Freddie King.
On Monday, the 8th, the Union people are
offering a free (with student I.D.) showing of The
Reivers along with selected shorts from Charlie
Chaplin, W.C. Fields, and Abbott and Costello.
And Dr. J. Thomas Ungerleider of the President's
Commission on Marijuana and Drug Abuse will be on
campus Tuesday. May 9.
Hell hold a rap session at 11:30 in the Schramm
Hall Lounge and will give a speech at 3:30 in the
Union Ballroom.
And Tonight! ! ! 8:30 to midnight at Henzlick
Hall (You know it as University High) a dollar will let
you into a showing of the 1956 movie, Rock A round
the Clock starring Bill Haley and the Comets. Lots of
rock 'n roll music will be provided by 45 r.p.m. discs.
A dress and dance contest will be held and a Poison
Ivy Queen chosen. Don't miss it or you'll kick
yourself.
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THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
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