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Don't fet success get you down
Once there was an upwardly mobile man whom I will call Case
ment R. Glebe (not his real name). Even as an undergraduate Mr.
Glebe didn't fumble and dither and grope for the meaning of life like
some lazy long-haired slobs I could name. He knew exactly what life
was about. Life was working hard so you could get good grades and
graduate with honors and find a swell job and get married and move
to Westport and have three children like every other decent American.
And that's precisely what Mr. Glebe did. He graduated magna,
got a swell job in the advertising game, married a girl, whom I will
call Mav" .iris (her real name), who was not only sen-ice-oriented
and "icaie ment-prone but also had a real nice build, and they bought
a iovely . ome in Westport with electric baseboard heating and within
three years they had three fine sturdy little boys Flopsy, Mopsy and
Seymour.
To his sons, Mr. Glebe was a loving but stern father. He raised
them to believe in his own guiding values ambition, self-denial and
hard work and the boys responded brilliantly. Flopsy, the oldest,
finished high school as valedictorian and was accepted by Harvard.
Mr. Glebe was, of course, very proud and happy. The following yecr
Mopsy was also valedictorian and was also accepted by Harvard.
Again Mr. Giebe was proud but, to be perfectly honest, not quite so
happy, for now he had two sons in Harvard at the same time, which
is something no man in the world can afford, not even an advertising
man.
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Then a horrible thought struck Mr. Glebe. "Good grief r' he cried
one night to his wife Mavis (her real name). "Next year Seymour gets
out of high school. If he makes Harvard too, I am ruined!"
He ran at once to Seymour's room and found the industrious lad
doing his homework in modern Sanskrit, urban entropy, ethnic alge
bra and societal dysfunction. "Son, have you ever thought of becom
ing a moral degenerate?" said Mr. Glebe to Seymour. "Wouldn't you
like to drop out, maybe have an identity crisis, wear beads, get busted
in Amsterdam, stuff like that?"
'That's rich. Dad," said Seymour, chuckling, and went on to
graduate as valedictorian and thence off to Harvard.
Poor Mr. Glebe! So distraught was he with financial worries that
one day his mind finally buckled and he made a disastrous error. One
of his accounts at the advertising agency was Dullbrau Beer which,
frankly, was just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill kind of beer. Still, Mr.
Glebe had managed to think up this real catchy advertising slogan:
Drink Dullbrau . . .it's better than nothing
Well sir, sales were not entirely what the Dullbrau people had
been hoping for, so they insisted on a new slogan. And Mr. Glebe, the
poor devil, his mind unhinged by fiscal problems, made the above
mentioned disastrous error. Here was his new slogan :
Drink Dullbrau ...it's better than Miller High Life
Well sir, I guess I don't have to tell you what happened! Every
body in the country just stamped and hooted and laughed till they
wept. "Dullbrau better than Miller High Life, the Champagne of
Beers?" they cried, stamping and hooting and laughing till they wept.
"How droll Why, no beer is better than Miller! In fact, no beer is re
motely at good at Miller!" -
Then everybody finished stamping and hooting and laughing till
they wept and went back to drinking Miller High Life and enjoying
every distinctively delicious drop. Dullbrau, of course, went out of
business. Mr. Glebe, of course, got fired. His sons, of course, had to
quit school.
Today, alas, the once prosperous Glebe family is destitute and
living in a macrobiotic commune in the former Dullbrau brewery. Ex
cept for Seymour. Though out of college, Seymour remained in Cara
bridge sad sow works at a three-minute girl wash on Harvard Square.
We, the brewer of Miller High Life avd the sponsors of this column,
offer our heartfelt sympathy to the luckiest Glebes. And to the rett of you,
we offer Hitler High Life, the Champagne of Been, in cant, botiUt and
kegt, delicious all wayt.
Has Hyde Park gone into hiding? Despite the temporary loss of the student voice,
Hyde Park will be held again next Thursday.
Peace group will hear economist
A nationally known
economist, Kenneth E.
Boulding, will speak on Peace
as a practicable priority at the
first statewide annual meeting
of Nebraskans for Peace.
The meeting will be held
Saturday from 2 to 8 p.m. at
the Unitarian Church, 63rd and
A, in Lincoln.
Boulding, a professor of
economics and director of
social and economic research
for the Institute of Behavioral
Science at the University of
Colorado, will speak at
approximately 5 p.m.
A family-style dinner will be
served after the speech,
according to Nebraskans for
Peace coordinator Nick
Meinhardt. A question and
answer session will follow.
Various reports of the
group's year-long activities will
be heard during the day. Also,
workshops on housing
legislation, welfare rights,
educational reform, the Joint
Treaty of Peace Between the
Peoples of North Vietnam,
South Vietnam and the United
States will be held. Movies
will be shown.
The statewide meeting is
open to the public. Admission
is $1 for low-income persons
and students; $3-$10 for
everyone else.
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Beffocchic's
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Playing
Sheldon Memorial Art Gallery April 20 Thru 23 7:30 P.M.
Admission at the Door - One Dollar
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN FRIDAY. MARCH 5, 1971