Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 9, 1970)
Obscure One in boudoir gets phone call from same The Dear John Letter of an Obscure Man - To the Rt. Hon. John Mitchell United States Attorney General Greetings as many as there are stringy hairs on a radical's head Dear John, At 2:00 this morning while sitting in my toilet I received a mysterious phone call from a woman who identified herself as Madame Martha Mitchell Mis. Middle America. After excusing herself for my in convenience she attempted achieving rapport by telling me Publicity stunt "For old times' sake" Free Speech Movemeui (FSM) members met in the ROTC Building Mon day afternoon to plan their upcoming dance. They were promptly joined by administrators and the Campus Police. The Campus Police and ROTC officers are to be commended for keeping their cool and usher ing the FSM meeting from the hallway into one of the classrooms. And, a special merit badge should be awarded to the ROTC officer who hand ed out ROTC pamphlets entitled, "How to make a college education a degree better." But, the actions of the FSM are to be ques tioned. The sit-in in the ROTC Building last May arose out of genuine concern on the part of stu dents over the escalated war in Cambodia. What connection does a sit-in have to planning a dance? One FSM member commented that all you have to do to get some attention is do something a little unusual. That is certainly true. But, why is the FSM out to get publicity? Certainly, the or iginal FSxM at the University of California at Berk ley was not a gimmick group. The Berkley FSM members were concerned that their rights were being violated. It would seem the University of Nebraska FSM has no such high ideals and is concerned only with its image. The local FSM members profess to be con cerned about peace,, but how can they seriously be concerned about peace if they continue to play such infantile games. Connie Winkler Managing editor THE NEBRASKAN Tnlaphones: Editor: 42-25M, Business: 472-2590, Mows; 472-2SW. Second class puaiago uaid at Lincoln, No. ' Subscription rules arc U par omotr or 18.50 per ytr. Published Monday, Wjiirn.fliiy, Thursdnv and Frlduy during the school year axcapt during vaca tions und txnm parlous. Mmtr or tht Inlarcolleoiala Press, National Educa tional Advorlialnj Service. The NobrasKan Is a student publication, Independent of the University el Neb rrikita't administration, lacully and student government. Address: The Nobraskan 34 Nebraska Union University ot Nvbratka Lincoln, Nebraska Miul dlterlal Statl Editor: Kelley Baker; Managing ktiitort Connie Winkler; News Editor: Bill Sri, thcrman; Sports Editors: Jim Johnston and Roger Rile Nebreskan Stall Wrtlers: Gary Seocrest, John Dvorak, Mick Morlarty, Marsha Bangert, Dave Brink, Stove Stressor, Pat McTee, Carol Goetschlus, Monte Gerlach, Charles Hnlor; Photographers: Howard Rosenberg, Mike Meymani Entertainment Editor: Prod Elsnhort; Literary Editor: Alan Boye; News Assistant: Andrea Thompson; Copy Editors: Laura Pertscri, Jim Gray, Warren Obr, Blythe Ericksoni N ulit Nuwa Editor: Tom Lunsworlh; Night Newt Assistant: Leo Schleicher. Business Staff Business Monaaer: Pat DINatalet Coordinator) Sandra Carter; Subscription and Cloksltied Ad Manager; Jan Boatman; Salesmen: Greg Scott, I. Jan Kldwell, J. J. Shields; Circulation Managers; Chuck Beldulf, Barry Pllger, John Wuggoner. Letters Letters Letters . . . Letters . 'The true facts9 Dear Editor, As usual, Gene Barry is wrong. After putting the screw (you should pardon the ex pression) on a few people, we were able to discover the true facts: 1) The culprit bird was not a pigeon, robin, or a canary as erroneously assumed. Jndeed, it was a pet dove belonging to former Professor Frill Scrib bler. 2) That there were no Mallards. The reporter assum ed that the cries of "quack" were made by ducks, when ac tually these cries were charges directed toward Steve Toobald for his fowl play. In all of ASUN there is only one man Fowler. 3) It was not a spontaneous bird-in. On direct orders from the National Audubon Society (NAS), our student government (ASUN) tossed a raspberry from its office window. The plan was to have a flock of Scribbler's pet doves pick up the raspberry and drop it on the White House across the street. Fortunately, we had cor rected and rectified the ex traneous weather, so that most of the doves were lose in the ensuing storm. In addition, a strong force of Cuemandos was sent out to smash the raspber ry. They succeeded in carrying it off. The lone bird that got through the storm (albeit a bit battered and bedraggled) was one crusty old veteran affec tionately known as "Doc." One can still see him wandering aimlessly around the vicinity of 14th and R Streets, looking for the raspberry. Never being a group for negatives, we make the following suggestions: A) If oiha slwuld see "Doc" one should contact Pat Cur tainback, as it is rumored that this bird now belongs to her. B) Sign our petition sup porting the following recom mendations: 1 That Doc be plucked of his feathers, and, 2 be placed upon the shoulder of our beloved W. Wrecker, that they both be bronzed and placed left of center In the THE NEBRASKAN Broyhill Fountain. The Best, SCREW Jon Swift award Dear Editor: Give my congratulations to Mr. Gene Barry for his article on last May. He gets my vote for the Jonathan Swift Satire Award, for his best of the year satire. Brilliant . . . Excellent . . . A job well done. Sincerely, Peter Murphy Dear Editor, I am sure that you are aware of the present status of a Nebraska Float for the Orange Bowl. WE ARE ASKING ALL NEBRASKANS TO SEND THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO CORN COBS c-o Student Activities, 340 Nebraska Union We are hoping that the necessary amount will be donated and if there is an ex cess, then that money will be donated to the Wichita and Marshall football teams who were so tragically afflicted this year. Gary Kuklin and Gerald Wirth, Chairmen No Collusion Dear Editor: It appears to me it is time to set some records straight for both the staff of The Nebraskan and for the reading public. Four different stories have ap peared in the campus paper dealing with the Ad Hoc Com mittee on Women's Rights. The latest of those articles carried the heading "Student, Faculty Lib Groups Join." Facts which are important and have contributed to the in accuracies that have occurred are here cited: 1. Of the four stories that have appeared, on only one occasion has a writer contacted a member of the committee for accurate information. 1. Of the four stories that have appeared, on only one occasion has a writer con tacted a member of the com mittee for accurate informa tion. 2. The headline quoted above is entirely misleading. In no sense have the Ad Hoc Committee and the Women's Action Group merged. The Ad Hoc Committee has requested assistance from WAG in iden tifying problems which may exist for women students in order that such information may be reviewed by the com mittee in compiling its report. 3. This has been called a faculty committee. In a sense it is, but it might more ac curately be termed a University committee. It is composed of 3 faculty members, 1 administrator, 2 clerical staff members and 2 students. The committee serves as a subcommittee of the Human Rights Committee of the Faculty Senate. Its focus therefore is human rights and legal rights, not on a liberation movement as com monly interpreted by today's public. Since the assignment of the Ad Hoc Committee is a long range study of women's status at the University faculty, clerical, and student it is important that the eventual report not be closed by mis understandings now or later. Helen Snyder : for the Ad Hoc Committee on Women's Rights Student Credit Union Dear Editor: I believe that the creation of a student credit union would be a healthy addition to our cam pus. ; I think that this is an ex cellent example of the type of campus activity that ASUN should be involved in. Such a venture would be far mora useful and certainly far more beneficial to all students on this campus, than resolutions and pronouncements about our na tion's policies by ASUN of ficers. DougVoegler POWs Dear Editor, For those of you who don't have a radio or an attentive ear, KLMS is pushing a cam paign aimed at improving the plight of 450 American servicemen listed as prisoners of war in Vietnam, and 1200 additional soldiers missing in action. You may not support the Vietnam war effort, bat don't forsake our brothers over there. They need your assistance; not just sympathy and condolence, but as much positive action as is possible within the systems of politics and diplomacy. Most of these men have been held back from their loved ones for over three years the longest period of incarceration in history. Keep in mind that with the de-escalation plans of Agnew and Associates, you could be in a similar position some time in the next twenty years. Spend six minutes and six cents to write a letter to: P.O.W., MIA Commission, Box 151 Bellevue, Neb. 68005 Also, when you write your Christmas cards, why not close them with "Give Peace a Chance?" Your little sister may think it's groovy; your parents will think it's just a phase; but those of the non Silent Minority will know what it's about. Wouldn't "Peace on Earth" be a nice Christmas Present for the world? Larry A. Bobolz Our man h oppe First half was great, so you're fired! by ARTHUR HOPPE Well, team, I just want to say that it was, in my opinion, a real swell first half. A look at the old scoreboard, which in my judgement, never lies, shows that perfectly candid, we are actually way we're still behind. But let me be perfectly candid about this. To be ahead. What put us ahead, gang, was our tremendous final drive out there in the closing minutes of the first half. I can't tell you bow thrilled I was, team, when in that final drive out there we picked up two while losing only nine. Now I know the nay-sayers up in the press box are claiming that picking up two while losing nine is a big setback for our side. Let me say this about that. We expected to lose a lot more. So this was a tremendous first half. Therefore, I'm going to make a lot of substitutions and radically change the game plan for the second half.. . Now, as you know, team, our plan in the first half was to cut to the right, feint to the loft and then in the final moments, when they were dazzled by our deception, crush them with straight power plays over the middle. And if I can single out one of you, men, let me just say that Spiro here, in that final drive, proved again that he is the greatest offensive line-bucker in the game today. And by this I cer tainly do not mean to take anything away from the other greatest offensive line buckers in the game today. Now I know the other side accused Spiro of playing dirty. But let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am, rightly or wrongly, against playing dirty, no matter who may disagree with my stand on this issue. And Spiro, in my judge ment, did a great job out there, rightly or wrongly. I am therefore, Spiro, put ting you under wraps. The reason, men, is that in tills half we are going to feint to the IcTt before cutting, to the right, instead of vice versa. And Spiro, you can't go to your left. But we'll need you in the waning moments for our crushing power plays over center. So don't worry about being dumped until the end of the second half. As for the rest of you Moynihan, you did a great job as lonesome left end. Turn in your jersey. Ilickel, you were tremendous as a standing guard. You're benched. Finch, your brilliant fumble plays are an asset to a team their team. Stans . . . Well, here, in my opinion, is the um pire to tell us it is time to start the second half. Now get out there, men, and win this one for the Old General. Block Teddy, hit Muskie, trip Hubert, watch Lindsay, remember men, the only reason I'm changing the game plan and the lineup for the second half is that the first half was such a tremendous success. This, in the final analysis is my candid opinion as I see it, about that that she, too, was In the bathroom. She proceeded to lecture me on the evils of contemporary America and made a specific proposal for saving the coun try. She informed me that after careful consideration and thoughtful thought she had decided Nebraska is the place for God, Mother, and appie pie to make a last ditch stand against Satan, Father Groppi, and unionized grapes. Her plan went something like this. Nebraska is to secede from the Union and set up defense barriers against invasion. The Missouri River is to be defend ed by the Nebraska Navy commanded by First Lord of the Platte Admiral Terry Carpenter, Prince of Arksarben aided by a staff of homophile experts. The south-western provinces are to be guarded by a corps of Yaffers commanded by Gauleiter Terry Cannon who will also be Hereditary Grand Constable of the Nebraska Unicameral. Lieut. Steve Tiwald will be asked to lead an armored wagon train, financed by PACE, along the Republican River accompanied by faithful flankers Fowler and Fredrick with a contingent of CUE com mandos in their traditional warpaint. It is expected that Tiwald will lead this motley band to Grand Island to launch a final assault on the remnants of the Spelts Commission. Upon conclusion of the attack the wagon train will proceed to Scottsbluff and join forces with Gauleiter Cannon for a counteroffensive against non- courier from CUE to the Centennial College where Field Marshal Ryan will award him The Blue Button with Oak Leaf Cluster for meritorious 9ci vice i To pommemorate the Batfrlfl -S of Terrytown Pres. Soshnik will call an All-University Con vocation at which Martha Mitchell will be voted Homecoming Queen. - Speechless, I ran back to and hid under the covers. Little did I know that J. Edgar Hoover was listening from your laundry hamper. This morning I was arrested by Justice Department agents by your direct order for aiding and corn-fed hippies attacking from art 1 . 1 turner, coioraao. abetting "ante factum" Martha tt r..i 1-a: VT:.nunll upon suwessiui i-umpieuuu of the Battle of Terrytown Lieut. Tiwald will be airlifted to T.inroln ,hy Rfilra. ti receive from fuehrer J Q the Iron Cross with swords and, Diamonds. Gauleiter Cannon will be freighted to Lincoln by Greyhound Lines. Upon arrival he will be delivered by a Mitchell. John, for God's sake what did you do with all the others Martha's called? Wouldn't it be easier just to have the New York Times crucify her? Your faithful, albeit imprisoned, servant, Maglster Ortwin Gratius ' lK '' i I -v3 f N c i . - s. . ! ; j ' j Tfli'i J .j., sw mfi'- -2 i 1 " :--"-v:w"'1lw1" ' yMawiiSisW " t r f i News item: One of the signs of the times - increased security would be employed for the 1971 Legislative session. "We're doing this because of what is happening around the country," remarked one state senator. THE NEBRASKAN PAGE PAGE 4 WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 1970 WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 1970
