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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 20, 1970)
WITH MAX Bin niiimfcjfc...aiMwfc.... Money: The Story of Higher Education Not long ago it was no big problem for a college to raise money, The president simply went out and put the mooch on some fat alumnus. But that won't work today. Most alumni, shaky about what's hap pening on American campuses, art sewing up their pockets. And even those few who can still be snowed are driving hard bargains. Not long ago, for instance, Walter "Boola" McMeekin, Yale '07, got a new gymnasium named after him and all he gave was three dollars and forty cents. Well sir, what's a college to doT If they try to raise tuition just once more, the remaining buildings will surely be levelled. By the parents, I mean. Nor can colleges cut operating costs any further be cause they long ago eliminated all the frills like, for example, heating the dormitories. So where will they find the money they so desperately need? Well sir, if yours happens to be a college where beer is sold In the student union, you've got it licked. All you have to do is put in a plentiful supply of Miller High Life and stand back. You'll see business boom beyond your most hopeful dreams because every undergrad in the country is positively bananas about Miller High Life! And why wouldn't he be?. Is any other beer so tasty? So zesty? So trusty? So gutsy? So feisty? So feasty? So yeasty? So maltsy? So hopsy? No, dear friends, Miller stands alone, light-years above the others. And the others will never equal it, for they will never learn Miller'a marvelous brewing formula, a jealously guarded secret for more than 115 years. In fact, the formula today is known to only one man on earth Miller's chief brewmaster who will never, never talk because he is not only a deaf-mute, he is also a Transylvanian who, as you know, can turn into a bat if he is ever captured. But I digress. Supposing you don't sell beer in the union, where then can you raise the money? Well air, here's what they did at the Idaho State College of Belles Lettrea and Spot Welding. What they did was add a six-dollar cover charge to each meal in the student cafeteria. Naturally they had to justify the charge, so they started doing floor shows during meals. Believe me, folks, If you're ever in the neighborhood, be sure to drop In. It's worth every penny. The show opena with Professor Norman Glebe, the ever-popular head of the sociology and weather-stripping department, doing several chucklesome stunts and Imitations. First he sings Trtta as it might be done by Joh Feliciano, Georges Pompidou, and Woody Woodpecker. Next he sings School Days as it might be done by the Lennon Sisters, the Mayo Brothers and Mark Rudd. For his last number he does that old reliable, can't-miss, sure-fire crowd pleaser: he wrestles a naked bison. A tough act to follow, right? But wait. After him comes Professor Nirvana Sigafoos, the ever-popular head of the Finnish and other gut tural languages department, whose specialty is swallowing. She starts commonplacely enough by swallowing a sword, and at this point the audience always yawns and says, "He-hum. Another sword swallower." But she soon disabuses them of that notion, you may be sure! Next she wallows two Ph.D. theses and a Buick. But wait. She finishes by in gesting the entire buildings and grounds department! Well sir, all I can say is if Ed Sullivan ever catches this act, there'll be a bright new star In the Broadway firmament! After Professor Sigafoos's act the audience is naturally half -dead from appluuding, so the finale is a welcomely quiet act. Three spores come out and float for twenty minutes. Then, spent but happy, the student body retire to their pallets and sleep the clock around. And so to those of you who despair of solving the fiscal problems of our colleges, I say fie! Just remember one thing: America did not become the world's foremost producer of wing nuts and nylon pie filling by running away from a fight I If wing Mute and nylon pit-filling don't grab yen, kom about truing Miller High Lift, tht Champagnt ofBttrt ami Iht sponsor of thit column Miller it atailablt in cant, botikt, ktgt . . . and dtliciout ttvrywaf . SHULMAN WASHINGTON (CPS) The Selective Service System has quietly dropped a plan to set up "orientation camps" for men granted conscientious objector status who do not fit into any of the standard alternative work assignments. In a recent Interview, Na tional Selective Service Direc tor Curtis W. Tarr discussed his feelings about the cons cientious objector alternative service situation, currently pending Supreme Court decisions, and the new image of the selective service system. On the so-called "orientation camps", Tarr explained that a tody group headed by the Deputy Public Information Of ficer for the system had come up with the idea of bringing together men who would not accept the kind of alternative service job which their local board wanted to give them. The purpose of these camps would be to help "adjust" the recalcitrants to existing job openings, or to provide special work for them. The idea never got too far, though. National Headquarters decided to hold a conference and let some of the national conscientious objector oriented groups in on the idea and see how they would react They reacted very badly. The Idea sounded too much like the old "work camps" of World War II; men who op posed fighting the war were allowed to stay in what amounted to concentration camps, as long as they paid their own room and board. Ostensibly, the plan was first thought np with the sole intent of helping men who could not find CO work. Men who are granted CO status can sometimes gain the approval of their local board to perform alternative service at an agen cy of their own choosing. In many cases', however, the E8 ATT PDVDOEC YOU SAVE MORS! o LOWEST PRICES ON CIGARETTES o ICE CUBES ALWAYS READY-50' DAG o NO BETTER GAS SOLD . . . ANYWHERE local board tries to be punitive by arbitrarily assigning the men to some low paying, disagreeable job, and the man balks. If no compromise can be worked out, the present prac tice is to call in an arbitrator from State Selective Service Headquarters, who often winds up issuing a final ultimatum. The proposed plan would provide a tidy "out" in cases which have reached an im passe, and yet avoid the sticky appearance of coercion. It was a nice idea while it lasted. But it ran up against an image problem, the image of Draft considers alternatives for CO's manipulative social engineer ing. And, if there is anything the present-day manager of the draft system are conscious of, its their image. They proudly point to the lottery selection system, the elimination of the blatant social engineering in the form of job deferments and the request that Congress give the Presi dent authority to revoke undergraduate student deferments as examples of the policy of "channeling" which former director Gen. Lewis B, Hersey once called, "One of the major products of the Selective Service Classification process. Indeed, very few of the blatantly repressive policies which guided Hersey's 30-year DIVIDEND BONDED GAS 16th & P Sts. Wo Mover Closo administration of the draft find many supporters around the national headquarters these days. As Tarr put it, "In an agency this small (National head quarters has less than 200 employes) the national director sets the tone for the agency." The camp idea was only one in a series of ideas on reform ing the present civilian alternative work program. Tarr reported that he had discussed the idea of placing CO workers in the Peace Corps and VISTA with several representatives of government volunteer programs. When reminded of the Interior Department's proposed "en vironmental volunteer pro grams, he Indicated that this would be along the lines of his thinking also. Selective Service officials have been reluctant to extend to CO's the alternative of service in these volunteer pro grams because of the concept of "equivancy" which the system has adopted as one of the standards of judging the fitness of alternative service work. The basis of the concept is the feeling that COs already have too many privileges ex tended to them because they do not have to directly face the risks of military service. They should be expected to suffer as much, If not more, hardship than men who are drafted. Regulations specify that the location of the work assignment be far enough from the registrant's present home to cause a sizable disruption in his life. Other parts of the regula tions have been interpreted to mean that CO registrants should be paid as little as or less than military personnel. And of course, COs are denied veterans benefits. Draft officials are hesitant about considering participation Turn to page t PAGE 8 THE NEBRASKAN FRIDAY. NOVEMBER 20, 1970