The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, November 13, 1970, Page PAGE 9, Image 9
O O ZD 2 1 o o O O h'.'-- J -. '1:. i i cm 1' J s WITH MAX SHULMAN iButtu author qf Rally Round tht Ftag, Bout . . . Ooltit Gilti . . .tic.) Prexy' s Complaint Do you know why you haven't wen the president of your college lately? Here's why: he quit. You don't believe me, I see. You sneer and make coarse gestures. But it's true all the same. Not one college president in the entire United States came back to work this fall. They chickened out, every last one. A few will return: they're ju:t taking a year off to study karate. But most aren't coming back ever. And can you blame them? What kind of work is this for a dignified, elderly person cowering under his desk all day long, wearing Jjullet-proof underwear, hiring food tasters, getting into fistfights with sophomore girls? It's hard to realize that only three or four years ago a college president was a figure of respect and regard yea, reverence event I'll admit of course that undergraduates were much more tractable in those days because, as you will no doubt recall, sex and drugs had not yet been introduced from Europe. But even so, they were lively rascalu, yesterday's undergrads, scampering all over campus on their little fat legs, cheering and halloo ing, identifying lichens, conjugating verba. But no matter how en grossed they were in their games and sports, whenever Prexy hap pened by, they would instantly run over to kiss his vest and sing 24 choruses of the Alma Mater, Ah, it was a lovely and gracious time, now gone, alas, forever! Incidentally, you'll notice that I used the word "Prexy." That of course is what college presidents are always called, as I'm sure you know. But did you know that trustees are always called "Trixie?" Similarly, deans are always called "Doxy" except of course in the South where they are always called "Dixie." Associate professors of course are called "Axy-Pixie." Hockey coaches of course are caiied "Hootchy-Cootchy." Students are called "Algae." - And Miller High Life is called "The Champagne of Beers." I men tion Miller High Life because I am paid to write these columns by the brewers of Miller High Life. They are, I must say, a very relaxed kind of employer. They let me write whatever I want to. There's no censor ship, no pressure, and no taboos. In fact, I don't even have to mention Miller High Life unless I feci like it. Naturally, the brewers are a little disappointed if I don't mention it. but they never complain. They just smilo bravely and stop my cheek. Today, as it happens, I do feel like mentioning Miller High Life. And What botter way than to quote these immortal lines from Oziiman titan by thi beloved Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, or "The StvwlMi Nightingale," as ho was bettor known as? I quote: M'WU U ill V'iltll hltlWK, A tut knrpn petting iller, Thru n irine manic hum ft in tinm fur Millar, M htU peppy hop?! W hat gnniru nitdtx! S'u litwr can tfa what M iller . thtem'p ami hurklyuu hunt waits, And ifou love thti world, including fiuz. Hut digress. Prexy, I ay, Is gono and nobody wants the job. V hurt', then, will thti colleges find replacements? Well sir, a lot of schools lately have been hiring robots. Don't laugh; you cuu get robots today with a bald spot and everything. In fact, I mis ntly saw one so lifelike that alumni Were giving it money. The big trouble of course Is that after a few weeks as Prexy, anv in ti.lllgMhl robot will say, "Who needs thi?" and become a toll booth. And so it remains unsolved, this Prexy problem, and In future .columns I'll t.juk Into it again, along with such other burning questions as " Ami Monuuitti sanitary?" and "Can a student of 18 find happiness with mi ecori professor of !()?" Us. it s tme. , U brewers of Miller High Life Deer, are rrullu Mtum Mm Shiftman write whatever he want in tint column. Tltttt mm. Jlul nMring inm huar i our legal department. Cipriano ... relaxing with experienced guards Stewart (center) and Nissen. Husker guards best in Big 8? Nebraska basketball coach Joe C i p r i a n o takes a cau t i o u s breath when he says it, but he may have the best guard duo in the. Big Eight. Cip's only problem (it it can be called that) is finding which two guards work best together. "Right now we're going with experience at the guard posi tions," explained Cipriano. This places veterans Marv Stewart and Al Nissen into starting roles. "But sophomores Tom Gregory and Randy Watts have been looking good and are pressing for starting positions," continued Cip. Both Stewart and Niswn have encountered early season problems. Stewart has been bothered by a sore knee and missed Monday's workout before going through light workouts Tuesday and Wednesday. "Marv had the knee looked at Monday night," offered Cipriano, "but he won't have to have an operation and he claims that i t is feeling bet ter." ' Nissen's problem has been on the court. "Al has just been making too many mistakes," pointed out Cipriano. "He really hasn't had a good week of practice yet. 'r But Cipriano just feels that it is taking Nissen a little while to get untracked. "He's doing too many things the way that they're set up." explained Cip. "You can't do that in basket ball. You have to be able to read things while you're out there. But I'm sure Al (Nissen) will come around." With Stewart being briefly sidelined, sophomore Tom Gregory was given plenty of work at the guard position. "He looked real good," offered Cipriano. . "He can shoot real well from out. And Watts has been doing a great job on defense." , As for the- one remaining forward position, Mike Peterson appears to be the top candidate for the job. "Peterson's knee is better and he's starting to realize what his role is on this team." explained What is Peterson's role? "Rebounding," answered the Husker coach. "We need board work from our forwards and Mike is starling to get the job done." M EWODEGW YOU SAW mourn o LOWEST PRICES ON CIGARETTES o ICE CUBES ALWAYS READY-50' DAG o MO BETTER GAS SOLD . . . ANYWHERE DIVIDEND BONDED GAS 16th & P Sts. We Never Close PAGE 10 THE NEBRASKAN FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1970