Please, Mr. Nixon,
Keep us apart!
by Arthur Hoppe
"The old Joke that says any successful
President must bring along his own con
tingent of hippies and shaggy-haired
protestors if he wants to- win the sym
pathy of the majority is only a half-gag
now. Nixon's advance men this fall have
carefully arranged with local police to
allow enough dissenters in the staging
areas so the President will have his
theme well illustrated as he warms to his
job." Hugh Sidney, wirting in Life,
magazine.
The Republicans would surely have
swept the country in the fall of 1970 if it
hadn't been for the fiasco in Ashtabula,
Ark., on election eve.
Speaking at a nationally-televised rally,
Mr. Nixon, as usual, promised that peace
and prosperity were just around the cor
ner. He then turned, as usual, to the
"rock-throwers and obscenity-mongers"
and waited, as usual, for the usual
demonstration to erupt
It did.
"RIGHT ON, Mr. President! H cried a
shaggy-haired type in the 23rd row.
"That's telling it like it is, sir!" shouted
his even shaggier companion. All over
the auditorium, hippies waved their
smuggled-in placards.
The President gestured at them con
temptuously, as usual. "I say don't
answer these obscenity-shouters in kind. I
say . . He paused as their words sank
in. "What did you say?" he asked in
credulously. "You've convinced us of the error of
our ways, sir!" said an unbelievably
hairy, gap-toothed spokesman, waving a
sign that read, "We Love Pat, Too!"
"Now, wait just a minute," said Mr.
Nixon, frowning.
"WE USED TO BE !h The Effete Corps
of Impudent Snobs," explained the
spokesman. "But after listening carefully
to your speeches this past month, we
realize we've been downgrading
America. Now we all belong to our Dick
Nixon Club instead."
"Look, friends," said Mr. Nixon, turn
ing to the television camera and dabbing
his upper lip with his handkerchief,
"these specimens were obviously hired
by unscrupulous Democrats in a cheap
attempt to embarrass my Administra
tion." "Gosh, no, sir," cried the spokesman,
his eyes gleaming with unquestionable
sincerity behind his granny glasses. "We
want to work with you and your sup
porters to build a decent America. We
want to move into their neighborhoods,
join their country clubs and marry their
daughters.
"DON'T YOU SEE, SIR? You've at last
realized the goal of your whole Ad
ministration." His voice choked with
emotion. "You've brought us all
together!"
With that, he threw his unwashed arms
around a plump, mink-coated matron
next to him. It was her shriek, of course,
that set off the ensuing violence. Forty
three hippies, each still protesting his,
her or its loyalty to Mr. Nixon were
hospitalized.
Mr. Nixon immediately gave orders
that henceforth he would bring along his
own contingent of shaggy-haired pro
testors whose rotteness could be trusted.
But it was too late for the next day's
election. Republicans went down to
defeat in droves.
As one astute White House aide later
summed up: "With the way most
Americans loathe most other Americans,
the last thing the public wants is any
more togetherness."
"I know," said Mr. Nixon, shaking his
head ruefully. "But where did I go
wrong?"
Letters
Dear editor:
There were certain alleg
ations about the PACE
Program in letters in Monday's
Nebraskan that I feel should bo
cleared up. There are two
points that should particularly
be dealt with.
The first is that ASUN, out of
laziness, is forcing this Idea on
the student body. If ASUN had
wanted to, it could simply have
passed a resolution asking the
Regents to make this assess
ment, without consulting the
student body. It is important to
remember that in the past
students were not consulted
about increases in tuition or
fees; Increases that were a
great deal larger than three
dollars and fifty cents a
semester.
Also, little effort was ever
made to explain to students
where the funds from these In
creases would go or how the
funds would be administered.
ASUN is making an effort to
Inform students about this
proposal, to explain how these
funds would be administered,
and to determine if there is
student support for the PACE
Program before it is presented
to the Regents. This effort will
hopefully set a precedent for
consulting with students before
their college costs are Increas
ed. ASUN does not intend to
sk the Board of Regents to
implement the PACE Program
until the student body has been
consulted.
The second question raised is
why these funds would not be
used for loans or a work-study
type of program. First, it
should be pointed out that
PACE funds could only be used
to pay for tuition because of
state laws concerning funds
raised through the powers of
the Board of Regents. Addi
tional costs, such as room and
board, would have to be paid
from other sources such as
work-study.
There Is justification, though,
for a low-income student to
receive some grant aid.
Students from a low-Income
family generally come from a
different educ ational
background than a mdidte- or
upper-income student Such a
student usually has not attend
ed a college-oriented high
school nor has he been en
couraged to attend college. The
low-income student needs more
time to adjust to college than
his middle- or upper-income
counterpart. During this period
it is best if he does not have to
spend a great deal of time at a
job or be saddled with the
obligation of a loan. After these
first years he will be better
able to pay his college costs
through loans or a job. PACE
funds would primarily be used
to provide some grant aid to
these students during their
freshman and sophomore
years. The university is
critically short of these grant
monies, having had in just the
past year a cut-back of $70,000
in the Federal EOG Program.
(Ed. Opp. grant).
The PACE program would
not solve all of the university's
scholarship problems.
However, a significant gesture
by students showing their con
cern over recent cut-backs may
make other sources provide the
additional funds necessary for
an active scholarship pro
gram. Steve Fowler
PACE Committee Caalraaa
Loan fund
Dear Editor,
I wonder If the PACE people
have given serious considera
tion to making this a loan fund
Instead of a scholarship fund.
The advantage of this Is that
after five or six years, when
the first people start paying
back the loans, the amount
available each year would
automatically increase for a
period of several years,
thereby making it possible to
assist more people.
The only way the scholarship
fund can be Increased (other
than by an Increase in the
enrollment) Is to raise the
amount deducted In fees.
Personally I prefer the
former.
Kay S. Batta
THE NEBRASKAN
Four years with 'big ears'
"These ears are mtde for hearing
And that's just what they'll do."
(One of these days these ears are
gonna walk all over you.)
In the University debate between guber
natorial candidates two weeks ago, J. J. Exon
made the claim that his "big ears" were one
of his best assets. Those who found no reason
to believe Exon then must now sit up and
listen after his stunning win.
By refusing to re-elect Governor Tie
mann, Nebraskans may have endangered
some of bis much needed programs. Among
many other accomplishments, Tiemann helped
enact the first open housing law and minimum
wage act; created sales and income taxes
to relieve the burden of property holders;
encouraged over 170 new industries to move
to the state, thus creating 17,000 new jobs;
reinstituted a program of general state finan
cial aid to public schools; and kept the un
employment rate at 2.4 per cent while per
capita income rose 12.5 per cent last year.
Tiemann's loss is the loss of every forward-thinking
voter, for he was the most
progressive governor this state has seen in
several decades. His defeat strikes a very real
blow to this University because Tiemann was a
good friend and strong supporter of the aca
demic community.
Exon, on the other hand, considers Ne
braska "one of the finest learning institutions
in America" a thoroughly erroneous but
politically astute judgment which prompted
dismay and laughter from the audience of
students. However, he continued to state that
"if Jim Exon is elected Governor, it is going
to stay that way."
How it is going to stay that way, and what
help it will receive from the governor's office
are paramount questions in many minds. In
line with his rabid tax-pruning, Exon will ar
rive with hatchet in hand to begin trimming
a University budget which he considers "too
high, way out of line."
It can only be hoped that the office of
governor will be a sensitizing position for
Exon. In his October appearance before a Uni
versity audience, he drew gasps and laughs
for statements which indicated ignorance of
the sense of campus events or even the factual
aspects of the events.
Hopefully, Exon's budget-slashing cam
paign promises will turn out to be more cam
paign rhetoric than political fact. Perhaps, if
J. J. Exon's big ears are his best asset, the
University will receive the sort of hearing it
deserves.
THE NEBRASKAN
Telephones: editor: 47MSM. Business: SJ-iSWJ, Newt: 7M3e. Second class
posieoe Mid at Lincoln. Neb.
Subscription rates era 15 per semester or U So per year. Published Monday,
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday during the school year except during vaca
tions and exam periods. Member et the Intercolleglele Press. National Educa
tional Advertising Service.
The Nebraskan Is a student publication. Independent of the University of Nee
raska't administration, faculty and student government.
Address; The Nebraskan
U Nebraska Union
University at Nebraska
Lincoln. Nebraska MMt
dlterlal Start
Editor: Kelley Bakers Managing Editor: Connie. Winkler Newt Editor: Bill
Smrtherment Sports Editors: Jim Johnston and Roger Rlfet Nebreskan Staff
Writers: Gary Seecrest, John Dvorak, Mick Morlarty, Marsha Benyert. Dave
Brink. Steve Stressor, Pat McTee, Carol Ooetschlus. Monte Gerlach, Charles
Harpstert Photographers: Den Ladely. Mike Haymant Entertainment Editor:
Fred Eisenhertt Literary Editor: Alan Bore; Newt Assistant: Andrea
Thompson; Copy Edituts: Laura Pertscn, Jim Grey. Warren Obr, Blythe
rlcksonj N'ght Newt Edltort Tom Lansworttu Night Newt Assistant: Leo
Schleicher.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1970
PAGE 3
