Hire the hecklers . . .
they're fun to watch
President Nixon will arrive this afternoon at Eppley
Airfield, fly by helicopter to Ak-Sar-Ben where he will
praise Nebraska's football team, denounce lawlessness,
pornography and violence, claim that he needs Nebraskans
like Roman Hruska to help him in Congress and then
fly back to Eppley and on to another whistle stop. All
nice, neat and plastic no frayed edges that would reveal
the real man or the country's real problems a palatable
package that Swanson Foods would be proud to market
But Nixon can't look his best without some opposition,
a point that Is not lost on the President It was reported
in lime, Newsweek and Life this week that his aides
have btten conscientiously insuring that hecklers will be
permitted into the audience so he can view them with
alarm and use them as examples of permissiveness.
In a Life magazine editorial, Hugh Sidney said, "Nixon's
advance men this fall have carefully arranged with local
police to allow enough dissenters in the staging areas
so the President will have his theme well illustrated as
he warms to his job."
Still, the number of dissenters will remain small, for
this is "Nixon country", a doubtful distinction rewarded
by sixty minutes of Mr. Nixon's time once each four
years.
It's not all right. Jack
The Nebraskan notes with great amusement the huffy
reproof voiced by many prominent Lincolnites of the recent
five-part story in a British newspaper, the London Daily Tele
graph. Calling Lincoln a bastion of "the silent majority," five
English writers proceeded to smash quite a few icons that
no local soul had previously dared to touch.
Reaction even included a hilarious photograph (distrib
uted nationwide by UPI) of Mayor Sam Schwartzkopf grump
ily perusing a copy of the Daily Telegraph in his office,
which in turn over-looks the state capitol. The story printed
references to near-holy names in Lincoln society and busi
ness, and it spared no one embarrassment (?).
Generally, the article (what was toft after a cutting job
performed by the Lincoln Journal was interesting and quite
readable, pointing out things about Lincoln that many resi
dents may not know. But the major objections came from
upper-echelon Lincolnites whose names were taken in vain.
If it is any comfort to those who were offended, citizens
in positions of "power" are invariably singled out for critic
ism and analysis. A fine and MUCH more controversial ex
ample of such writing was an article on the New York City
upper class "cocktail party" for the Black Panthers' defense
fund. It was a party that, along with those in attendance,
was slashed to silvers by the dynamite typewriter of Tom
Wolfe.
True, Lincoln is not on a par with New York, but that is
just the point the British were trying to make. People who
have spent their lives (the writer concludes) in the Mid
west United States are pretty well shielded from events on
the East Coast and in Europe. Indeed, the scant 10)-year
history of the area is something of a wonder to Europeans as
well as Easterners. Consequently, citizens of a country whose
recorded history predates Christianity may find the assump
tions and "traditions" of a Midwest cowtown a little bit
ludicrous.
So calm down, Lincoln leaders. If the wire services had
not alerted the local publications, you would never have
known the difference. After all, people who have spent their
lives in the Midwest are fairly well shielded from events in
England.
THE NEBRASKAN
Talephontt! Editor: 472-UM, Btnlnnt: 472-23lf, Ntwn 472-2JW. Second elm
postao paid at Lincoln, Nob.
Subscription rates ara IS par tomntar or $8.50 par year. Published Monday,
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday during the school year except durlne vaca
tions and exam periods. Member of the Intercollegiate Press, National Educa
tional Advertising Service.
The Nabraskan Is a student publication, Independent of the University of Neb
raska's administration, faculty and student government.
Address: The Nebraskan
34 Nebraska Union
University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska etsot
Editorial Staff
Editor! Kelley Bakarr Managing Editor: Connie Winkler; Newt Editor: Bill
Smllhermani Sports Editors: Jim Johnston and Roger Rite Nebraskan Staff
Writers: Gary Seecrest, John Dvorak, Mick Morlarty, Dave Brink, Steve
Strasser, Sue Schafer, Steve Kdel, Pat McTee, Carol Goatschlutj Photogre
phersi Dan Ladely, Mike Haymani Entertainment Editor: Pred Elsenherti
Literary Editor: Alan Boye Newt Assistant: Marsha Bangerts Copy Editors:
Laura Partsch, Jim Gray, Warren Obr, Blytha Erlcksom Night Newt Editor:
Tom Lansworthj Night Newt Assistant: Leo Schleicher.
Ah Turre
Obscure mam to the chancellor
' r
it:
'I need four volunteers . . . two to holler obscenities and two to throw
rocks!"
An Open Letter of an Obscure
Man to the Chancellor
The University of Nebraska at
Lincoln
To the Rt. Hon. and Most
Exalted Varwood D u r n e r,
Chancellor
A thousand thousand greetings
in love unfeigned
My Dearest Chancellor
Turner,
It has come to my attention
that a number of students and
faculty members are
dissatisfied with the present
structure of the university and
would like to nurture the
development of a - New
University Of Nebraska. ,
Having given the matter
considerable consideration and
thoughtful thought, I would like
to make a few modest pro
posals, crucial in nature, to
make the institution viable and
relevant Carefully followed,
these proposals will constitute
a complete and final solution to
the problem.
FIRST and foremost is the
problem of the departments.
The effect of the present
departmental structure ; is; ; to
divide curriculum and
knowledge into a series of post
office pidgeon holes. This is
compounded by the irrelevant
Our man hoppe
Auto population soars, bomb imminent
by ARTHUR HOPPE
The League for Planned
Automobiles held another grim
rally to warn the world once
again of the gravest threat it
faces: The Automobile Ex
plosion. Dr. Paul Horlick, author of
"The Automobile Bomb" and
other best-sellers, laid the
frightening facts on the line:
IN 1900, there were only 8000
automobiles on the Nation's
highways. Today, there are
more than 100,000,000.
"The number of automobiles
has soared at almost precisely
the ratio predicted by the great
demographer, Malthus," said
Dr. Horlick. "Thus we see that
by the year 2000, under the in
exorable dictates of Malthusian
Law, America will be trying to
support no fewer than 4.5
trillion automobiles!"
Dr. Horlick painted a bleak
picture of America in the year
2000, covered from coast to
coast with a solid blanket of
cars, in some areas two and
three deep.
THE LAND, he said, would
be swept with "terrible
gasoline famines" and the
carnage on the highways would
be incredible.
"If 100 million cars cause
55,000 deaths a year today," he
pointed out, "then 4.3 trillion
cars will inevitably cause 2.3
million deaths a year."
DR. HORLICK is rounder of
an organization known as
"Zero Automobile Growth." Its
goal is to induce all Americans
to have no more than 1.2 cars
per family.
Research showed, he said,
that most people had unwanted
cars as the result of "yielding
to a sudden urge without taking
adequate precautions."
A typical case, he said, would
be that of a man who passes a
dealer's showroom, sees a
Belchfire-8 in the window and,
to prove his masculinity, con
summates the deal on the spot.
To prevent such accidents,
Dr. Horlick made an im
passioned plea for increased
distribution through Planned
Automobile Clinics of The Pill
(a simple tranquilizer effective
in supressing such urges).
FOR CATHOLICS, he
recommended the Rhythm
Method whereby couples visit
automobile dealers only
between midnight and 4 a.ni.
when the showroom is closed.
As a last resort, Dr. Horlick
called for an all-out educational
campaign "aimed at convinc
ing American families to have
babies instead." r
"Babies," he noted, "not only :
take up less space than -automobiles,
but they consume :
less of our irreplacable natural
resources and are, of course,
smog-free.
"MOREOVER, while the
upkeep is about the same, the
initial cost of a baby is far
lower. To save our vanishing
heritage, we must show every
American that a baby is a bet
ter deal."
Unfortunately, - Dr. Horlick
conceded gloomily, the
statistics on growth rates prove
conclusively that most
Americans would rather have a
car.
Letters : . . Letters . . . Letters
A Modest Proposal
Dear Editor,
The future of' any nation
relies on the strength and
health of the future generations
of the people making up that
nation, a fact similar to
Darwinian survival of the fit.
I believe the draft laws of our
nation concerning who will
serve in war and who will not
are decidedly detrimental in
effect to the future generations
and the future power of our
nation in that only the strongest
men, physically, mentally and
morally, are chosen to serve fa
war, and I do not think it will
be denied that war often func
tions to eliminate as viable
members of a population those
members of the population who
engage in the activities of
war.
I BELIEVE It would be far
better to exempt from the draft
the fit and able bodied men and
In their place demand the
service of only biologically
unhealthy men, men not fit to
serve In the valuable organic
aspect of reproduction. It may
be argued that these men
c o u 1 d not well d e f e n d our
nation, but in these times the
weight of hostility is less on the
individual than on the
armaments he controls; people
serve us mere targets, and in
this respect sickly men are
especially adapted for
service.
THE ELIMINATION of the
weaker elements in our society
would render a positive effect
in that the breeding out of these
elements of weakness from our
society would be greatly
facilitated by their elimination
from the gene pool.
As can eusily be seen there
are wide ranging possibilities
here. Besides strengthening our
future by ridding it of the
unhealthy we can promote
greater moral constancy by the
drafting and subsequent
elimination of deviate elements
presently exempted by the
draft, as homosexuals, rapists
and persons given to murder
that serves personal rather
than national interests.
One might even foresee pro-
moting a greater cohesion of
attitudes and ideas in our
society by drafting the various
dissident and radical elements
now disrupting our nation.
I believe that anyone of
average insight can see the
practicality of my proposal and
I sincerely hope that someone
of greater Influence and
greater capability than I shall
seize upon my suggestions and
take action.
Adam Craft
iNixon-IIernian... (sic)
Dear . ditor:
Like Mr. Vocglcr, I am (sic)
(sic) (sic). But I am sick (sic)
for somewhat different
reasons.
Last spring, the faculty
would not take a stand on the
war in Viet Nam. They would
not take a stand because to do
so would involve them in
politics. John Braeman and
others around here have been
adamant in making sure the
University is "nonpolitical,"
that It will not Lake a "political
. position "on any current mat
i ter."
Lorraine Orr, a GOP activist,
said that the UNO band would
play for President Nixon's
reception at Ak-Sar-Ben. Why
. is Nixon coming to Omaha? To
dedicate a dam? To cut a rib-'
bon for the Interstate
Highway? Hell no! He's in
Omaha to endorse that
mediocre senator who endorses
' mediocrity, Senator Hruska,'
and a host of other GOPers.
Political, right?
Who arranged the ap
pearance of the UNO band? A
telephone conversation with
UNO President Kirk Naylor
provided th nnwer. The man
who made arrangements for
the bund is also chairman of
the planning committee putting
on this show for Nixon. He has
worked for Nixon before and
received a $25,000 a year Job
from our President. I guess it's
Just a coincidence that this
man is a University of
Nebraska Regent, Richard
Herman. Nonpolitical, huh?
Boy, am I sic (sick) I
Brian W. Keefo
required courses forced upon
innocent and well-meaning
academies who really strive to
be crucial and viable.
Therefore, I propose a new
departmental structure with
"core courses" designed to
foster meaningful dialogue on
all manner of issues.
TO BEGIN we must rename
the history department the In
stitute of World Historical
Views. Only two "core
courses" should be "suggested:
"The Fascist Tranquility
The 'Eisenhower Years 1952
1960" and "Land of Hope and
Glory The Triumph of
Camelot 1961-1963," concluding
with a three-week seminar,
"Armageddon Cometh."
Next, we must have a
Department of Philosophical
Profundities chaired by that
master of dialectical diatribe,
Herbert Marcuse S.S., con
ducting a series of seven
serious seminars on three
thoroughly thoughtful themes:
"The Morality of Eldrige
Cleaver, Charles Manson, and
Angela Davis," "The Im
morality of Paul VI, Richard
Nixon, and William F.
Buckley," and "The Crucial
Viability of Relevancy." "
MOVING TO THE physical
and biological sciences I pro
pose a commission including
members of the physics,
chemistry, geology, and biology
departments to undertake the
following projects with the ad
vice and help of stimulated
and motivated students.
First, they must investigate
the pressing social need for
renaming all of the known
organic chemistry compounds
in Esperanto.
Second, a thorough and
comprehensive study should be
undertaken of the application of
our nuclear arms capability to
urban renewal aimed at mak
ing both more relevant and of
greater public concern.
THIRD, an interdepart
mental seminar should
be held entitled "Los
Angeles and the San Andreas
Threat Is It Reagan's
Fault?" ...
Finally, the School of
Journalism must be com
missioned to publish a com
plete report of not less than
three volumes on the Student
Strike and the Polish Question
May, 1970. I suggest this
study be financed by the state
legislature and a copy
personally autographed by Dan
Ladcly be sent to each
legislator to show conclusively
how vital the university is to
the state of Nebraska.
As your most devoted and
faithful servant I remain,
Terribly sincerely yours,
Magister Ortwin Gratius
i
. ask
SStttl
i a a j -v.r I
PAGE 4
THE NEBRASKAN
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1970
THUSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1970
THE NEBRASKAN