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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 29, 1970)
Hire the hecklers . . . they're fun to watch President Nixon will arrive this afternoon at Eppley Airfield, fly by helicopter to Ak-Sar-Ben where he will praise Nebraska's football team, denounce lawlessness, pornography and violence, claim that he needs Nebraskans like Roman Hruska to help him in Congress and then fly back to Eppley and on to another whistle stop. All nice, neat and plastic no frayed edges that would reveal the real man or the country's real problems a palatable package that Swanson Foods would be proud to market But Nixon can't look his best without some opposition, a point that Is not lost on the President It was reported in lime, Newsweek and Life this week that his aides have btten conscientiously insuring that hecklers will be permitted into the audience so he can view them with alarm and use them as examples of permissiveness. In a Life magazine editorial, Hugh Sidney said, "Nixon's advance men this fall have carefully arranged with local police to allow enough dissenters in the staging areas so the President will have his theme well illustrated as he warms to his job." Still, the number of dissenters will remain small, for this is "Nixon country", a doubtful distinction rewarded by sixty minutes of Mr. Nixon's time once each four years. It's not all right. Jack The Nebraskan notes with great amusement the huffy reproof voiced by many prominent Lincolnites of the recent five-part story in a British newspaper, the London Daily Tele graph. Calling Lincoln a bastion of "the silent majority," five English writers proceeded to smash quite a few icons that no local soul had previously dared to touch. Reaction even included a hilarious photograph (distrib uted nationwide by UPI) of Mayor Sam Schwartzkopf grump ily perusing a copy of the Daily Telegraph in his office, which in turn over-looks the state capitol. The story printed references to near-holy names in Lincoln society and busi ness, and it spared no one embarrassment (?). Generally, the article (what was toft after a cutting job performed by the Lincoln Journal was interesting and quite readable, pointing out things about Lincoln that many resi dents may not know. But the major objections came from upper-echelon Lincolnites whose names were taken in vain. If it is any comfort to those who were offended, citizens in positions of "power" are invariably singled out for critic ism and analysis. A fine and MUCH more controversial ex ample of such writing was an article on the New York City upper class "cocktail party" for the Black Panthers' defense fund. It was a party that, along with those in attendance, was slashed to silvers by the dynamite typewriter of Tom Wolfe. True, Lincoln is not on a par with New York, but that is just the point the British were trying to make. People who have spent their lives (the writer concludes) in the Mid west United States are pretty well shielded from events on the East Coast and in Europe. Indeed, the scant 10)-year history of the area is something of a wonder to Europeans as well as Easterners. Consequently, citizens of a country whose recorded history predates Christianity may find the assump tions and "traditions" of a Midwest cowtown a little bit ludicrous. So calm down, Lincoln leaders. If the wire services had not alerted the local publications, you would never have known the difference. After all, people who have spent their lives in the Midwest are fairly well shielded from events in England. THE NEBRASKAN Talephontt! Editor: 472-UM, Btnlnnt: 472-23lf, Ntwn 472-2JW. Second elm postao paid at Lincoln, Nob. Subscription rates ara IS par tomntar or $8.50 par year. Published Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday during the school year except durlne vaca tions and exam periods. Member of the Intercollegiate Press, National Educa tional Advertising Service. The Nabraskan Is a student publication, Independent of the University of Neb raska's administration, faculty and student government. Address: The Nebraskan 34 Nebraska Union University of Nebraska Lincoln, Nebraska etsot Editorial Staff Editor! Kelley Bakarr Managing Editor: Connie Winkler; Newt Editor: Bill Smllhermani Sports Editors: Jim Johnston and Roger Rite Nebraskan Staff Writers: Gary Seecrest, John Dvorak, Mick Morlarty, Dave Brink, Steve Strasser, Sue Schafer, Steve Kdel, Pat McTee, Carol Goatschlutj Photogre phersi Dan Ladely, Mike Haymani Entertainment Editor: Pred Elsenherti Literary Editor: Alan Boye Newt Assistant: Marsha Bangerts Copy Editors: Laura Partsch, Jim Gray, Warren Obr, Blytha Erlcksom Night Newt Editor: Tom Lansworthj Night Newt Assistant: Leo Schleicher. Ah Turre Obscure mam to the chancellor ' r it: 'I need four volunteers . . . two to holler obscenities and two to throw rocks!" An Open Letter of an Obscure Man to the Chancellor The University of Nebraska at Lincoln To the Rt. Hon. and Most Exalted Varwood D u r n e r, Chancellor A thousand thousand greetings in love unfeigned My Dearest Chancellor Turner, It has come to my attention that a number of students and faculty members are dissatisfied with the present structure of the university and would like to nurture the development of a - New University Of Nebraska. , Having given the matter considerable consideration and thoughtful thought, I would like to make a few modest pro posals, crucial in nature, to make the institution viable and relevant Carefully followed, these proposals will constitute a complete and final solution to the problem. FIRST and foremost is the problem of the departments. The effect of the present departmental structure ; is; ; to divide curriculum and knowledge into a series of post office pidgeon holes. This is compounded by the irrelevant Our man hoppe Auto population soars, bomb imminent by ARTHUR HOPPE The League for Planned Automobiles held another grim rally to warn the world once again of the gravest threat it faces: The Automobile Ex plosion. Dr. Paul Horlick, author of "The Automobile Bomb" and other best-sellers, laid the frightening facts on the line: IN 1900, there were only 8000 automobiles on the Nation's highways. Today, there are more than 100,000,000. "The number of automobiles has soared at almost precisely the ratio predicted by the great demographer, Malthus," said Dr. Horlick. "Thus we see that by the year 2000, under the in exorable dictates of Malthusian Law, America will be trying to support no fewer than 4.5 trillion automobiles!" Dr. Horlick painted a bleak picture of America in the year 2000, covered from coast to coast with a solid blanket of cars, in some areas two and three deep. THE LAND, he said, would be swept with "terrible gasoline famines" and the carnage on the highways would be incredible. "If 100 million cars cause 55,000 deaths a year today," he pointed out, "then 4.3 trillion cars will inevitably cause 2.3 million deaths a year." DR. HORLICK is rounder of an organization known as "Zero Automobile Growth." Its goal is to induce all Americans to have no more than 1.2 cars per family. Research showed, he said, that most people had unwanted cars as the result of "yielding to a sudden urge without taking adequate precautions." A typical case, he said, would be that of a man who passes a dealer's showroom, sees a Belchfire-8 in the window and, to prove his masculinity, con summates the deal on the spot. To prevent such accidents, Dr. Horlick made an im passioned plea for increased distribution through Planned Automobile Clinics of The Pill (a simple tranquilizer effective in supressing such urges). FOR CATHOLICS, he recommended the Rhythm Method whereby couples visit automobile dealers only between midnight and 4 a.ni. when the showroom is closed. As a last resort, Dr. Horlick called for an all-out educational campaign "aimed at convinc ing American families to have babies instead." r "Babies," he noted, "not only : take up less space than -automobiles, but they consume : less of our irreplacable natural resources and are, of course, smog-free. "MOREOVER, while the upkeep is about the same, the initial cost of a baby is far lower. To save our vanishing heritage, we must show every American that a baby is a bet ter deal." Unfortunately, - Dr. Horlick conceded gloomily, the statistics on growth rates prove conclusively that most Americans would rather have a car. Letters : . . Letters . . . Letters A Modest Proposal Dear Editor, The future of' any nation relies on the strength and health of the future generations of the people making up that nation, a fact similar to Darwinian survival of the fit. I believe the draft laws of our nation concerning who will serve in war and who will not are decidedly detrimental in effect to the future generations and the future power of our nation in that only the strongest men, physically, mentally and morally, are chosen to serve fa war, and I do not think it will be denied that war often func tions to eliminate as viable members of a population those members of the population who engage in the activities of war. I BELIEVE It would be far better to exempt from the draft the fit and able bodied men and In their place demand the service of only biologically unhealthy men, men not fit to serve In the valuable organic aspect of reproduction. It may be argued that these men c o u 1 d not well d e f e n d our nation, but in these times the weight of hostility is less on the individual than on the armaments he controls; people serve us mere targets, and in this respect sickly men are especially adapted for service. THE ELIMINATION of the weaker elements in our society would render a positive effect in that the breeding out of these elements of weakness from our society would be greatly facilitated by their elimination from the gene pool. As can eusily be seen there are wide ranging possibilities here. Besides strengthening our future by ridding it of the unhealthy we can promote greater moral constancy by the drafting and subsequent elimination of deviate elements presently exempted by the draft, as homosexuals, rapists and persons given to murder that serves personal rather than national interests. One might even foresee pro- moting a greater cohesion of attitudes and ideas in our society by drafting the various dissident and radical elements now disrupting our nation. I believe that anyone of average insight can see the practicality of my proposal and I sincerely hope that someone of greater Influence and greater capability than I shall seize upon my suggestions and take action. Adam Craft iNixon-IIernian... (sic) Dear . ditor: Like Mr. Vocglcr, I am (sic) (sic) (sic). But I am sick (sic) for somewhat different reasons. Last spring, the faculty would not take a stand on the war in Viet Nam. They would not take a stand because to do so would involve them in politics. John Braeman and others around here have been adamant in making sure the University is "nonpolitical," that It will not Lake a "political . position "on any current mat i ter." Lorraine Orr, a GOP activist, said that the UNO band would play for President Nixon's reception at Ak-Sar-Ben. Why . is Nixon coming to Omaha? To dedicate a dam? To cut a rib-' bon for the Interstate Highway? Hell no! He's in Omaha to endorse that mediocre senator who endorses ' mediocrity, Senator Hruska,' and a host of other GOPers. Political, right? Who arranged the ap pearance of the UNO band? A telephone conversation with UNO President Kirk Naylor provided th nnwer. The man who made arrangements for the bund is also chairman of the planning committee putting on this show for Nixon. He has worked for Nixon before and received a $25,000 a year Job from our President. I guess it's Just a coincidence that this man is a University of Nebraska Regent, Richard Herman. Nonpolitical, huh? Boy, am I sic (sick) I Brian W. Keefo required courses forced upon innocent and well-meaning academies who really strive to be crucial and viable. Therefore, I propose a new departmental structure with "core courses" designed to foster meaningful dialogue on all manner of issues. TO BEGIN we must rename the history department the In stitute of World Historical Views. Only two "core courses" should be "suggested: "The Fascist Tranquility The 'Eisenhower Years 1952 1960" and "Land of Hope and Glory The Triumph of Camelot 1961-1963," concluding with a three-week seminar, "Armageddon Cometh." Next, we must have a Department of Philosophical Profundities chaired by that master of dialectical diatribe, Herbert Marcuse S.S., con ducting a series of seven serious seminars on three thoroughly thoughtful themes: "The Morality of Eldrige Cleaver, Charles Manson, and Angela Davis," "The Im morality of Paul VI, Richard Nixon, and William F. Buckley," and "The Crucial Viability of Relevancy." " MOVING TO THE physical and biological sciences I pro pose a commission including members of the physics, chemistry, geology, and biology departments to undertake the following projects with the ad vice and help of stimulated and motivated students. First, they must investigate the pressing social need for renaming all of the known organic chemistry compounds in Esperanto. Second, a thorough and comprehensive study should be undertaken of the application of our nuclear arms capability to urban renewal aimed at mak ing both more relevant and of greater public concern. THIRD, an interdepart mental seminar should be held entitled "Los Angeles and the San Andreas Threat Is It Reagan's Fault?" ... Finally, the School of Journalism must be com missioned to publish a com plete report of not less than three volumes on the Student Strike and the Polish Question May, 1970. I suggest this study be financed by the state legislature and a copy personally autographed by Dan Ladcly be sent to each legislator to show conclusively how vital the university is to the state of Nebraska. As your most devoted and faithful servant I remain, Terribly sincerely yours, Magister Ortwin Gratius i . ask SStttl i a a j -v.r I PAGE 4 THE NEBRASKAN THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1970 THUSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1970 THE NEBRASKAN