CSL does it
O
us
niversilty
racfli
Shutdown ordered
by KYRIE ELEISON
The Council on Student Life
over the weekend declared the
University a racist
organization and ordered It to
cease functioning forthwith.
A statement saying the
University does not
discriminate in its selection of
members was signed by the
Regents and G.R.R. (Grrrr)
instigator of Student Affairs
and other liasons involving con
senting adults over the age of
30.
But CSL's ad hoc committee
o n racial discrimination
rejected the University's claim
charging that rising tuition and
housing costs plus stingy
financial aid function as ef
fective barriers to minority
group enrollment.
"You kids can't expect to go
to school free. What do you
think this is; pre-Reagan
California?" said University
head lawyer F Lee Bail-em-out.
"The University is already
in dutch with Sen. Richard
Marvel (chairman of the
Unicameral's Budget Com
mittee). You don't know what
we have to go through to get
money out of the man," F
said.
"The University has not
made enough positive efforts
to overcome the problem,"
according to John Robinson,
CSL chairman. "The Regents
have two days to clean out
their desks."
When Informed of the CSL
action" one - regent mumbled
something about "if students
want rights they have to ac
cept responsibility." When told
students were accepting
responsibility he commented,
"Militant effete snobs. Always
sticking their noses in where
they don't belong."
The regent also scoffed at
the charge of racism: "Why
I even have a colored maid."
He said the Regents consider
the CSL order to disband a
crucial matter that should be
taken up by the Board im
mediately. However the
Boards agenda for its monthly
meetings is filled up for the
next six months, he said, but
promised it would be discussed
privately at the Regents
closed meetings.
Meanwhile an interim
commitee has been formed to
study charges of subversion
and Un-American activities
leveled at several CSL
members.
T h e r e is
distinctly pink-o
bunch,'
something
about that
Regent revealed.
SHEETS
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380 NO. 43th
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8:30-12:30
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Catt man's JCounge
10th end '0
DINING TIL KUDNITE
"The boys in my old fraternity
had ways of dealing with
people like that we black
balled them."
"Don't worry, The CSL cant
do it -until the Regents say
okay," according to Grrrr.
That's why I'm on the Council
so the Regents will know
exactly what's going on. And
I'm the only one who knows
exactly what's going on."
Seconds from bored meeting
by THE HOODED CLAW
YNw tf Staff Writer
The Bored of Regents set a
new Regents speed record
today by passing a 1,200 page
agenda in 23 minutes.
"We're awfully proud of the
new record," Regent B. M.
Iceberg remarked. "However,
we could have never
esstablished the new record
without our four hour closed
practice session before the
regular meeting.
The Regents meeting was so
short that a local television
station did not even have
enough time to set up their
film equipment before the
meeting was over.
Besides establishing a new
speed record, the Regents also
set a record for the most
number of unanimous votes in
one meeting 101.
The Regents voted
unanimously on every vote
except for a 3-2 vote on a
resolution calling for the
speedy recovery of regent
Dick Heman, who is reportly
lost in northern Montana.
Heman is in Montana marking,
defining and maintaining the
elusive American-Canadian
boundary for his good friend
Dick Nixon.
The Regents also turned
down a request by a 42-year-old
graduate student for coed
visitation in the University's
residence halls. It was the fifty
first time in two years that
the Regents said no to coed
visitation.
"But all I want to do is to
entertain my wife In my
room," the graduate student
explained. "Is that asking too
much?"
"I'm afraid It is," replied
Regent Robert Pawn. "The
morals of the students are just
too low to permit coed
visitation. If the kids want to
"do it," they can rent a motel
room."
Pawn also pointed out that
coed vistation would be im
possible because of the open
entrances to the bathrooms in
the residence halls.
"But we don't want to have
coed visitation in the
bathrooms," the graduate
student replied.
The Regents also yester
day: Approved the purchase of
two more lots in the Malone
Area. The University attorney
Snideley Whiplash told the
Regents that the University
had paid a fair market price
of $5,000 for each of the lots,
both of which contain modern
three story houses and outdoor
swimming pools.
Approved the University of
Nebraska football team with
drawing from the Big Eight
Conference to join the National
Football League.
In announcing the shift to the
NFL, head football coach Bob
Defanny said, "After eight
straight winning seasons we
think we can compete with
anybody. We're ready to move
up to the big leagues."
Defanny said that he would
be head coach, general
manager, concession manager
and television announcer of the
new Nebraska franchise.
However, Defanny said the
University might have trouble
paying the stiff NFL entry fee
since concession profits from
last season were down due to
confederate student concession
stands and football
programs.
7. - mmm
Pictured above is the belly button of Regent Edd
Swartzcough.
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PAGE 6
1245 R
THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
KSTORE
432-0331 1245 R
MONDAY, MAY 4, 1970