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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (May 4, 1970)
Accounts of my death Chalomp exagg by FURD BURFEL Yellow Rag Graafc Runner Bill Chaloupker, former president of ANUS died today 'after a party that was held at Casey's Bar. According to informed sources, the death was triggered by a chain of events that took place after today's much-publicized ANUS Senate meeting. According to Second President of Vice Blunt Skummer, who witnessed the ordeal, the chain of events began when Chaloupker arrived at Casey's and sud denly realized that the entire Sorry sad Steve crated membership of the ANUS Senate was present. Shocked by the idea of having all of the Senators at the same place at the same time, Chaloupker collapsed, causing panic on the parts of several patrons who then proceded to trample over Chaloupker's body. Working in an unprecedented burst of speed, ANUS first President of Vice Diane Thighson then grabbed what she thought was a glass of water and throwing it in Chaloupker's face. Un fortunately, the glass was in fact full of scotch and water. ASUN President Steve Tiwald said Sunday that he was extremely disappointed at not being chosen for the In nocents Society. Tiwald was in Washington,. D.C. consulting with, officials of the National Student Association,, and could not be tackled Saturday. "There are so many im portant issues facing students today Nixon's expanding an already immoral war into Cambodia, racism, poverty, hunger, pollution, the draft, Tiwald said. "But by far the most important thing students should be concerned about is the Innocents," he continued. "That's definitely where it's at!" SENIORS! June Commencement engraved Announcements will be available on May 4. riACI YOUR ORDER TODAY. Nebraska Book Store 1135 It mi cTl Staff position Interviews for 1971 Cornhusker Managing Editors, Business Staff, Layout Artists, & Photographers Applications in Room 51, Nebraska Union, May 10V J3HI GUITARS Yamaha Ventura Classic Folk Electric Banjos LINCOLN'S LARGEST SELECTION 144 South 9th ClTy which tended only to com plicate the matter. Several of the ANUS Senators then grabbed Chaloupker's body and stuffed it into the trunk of a 1948 Volkswagen. The Senators proceded to run into a tree in the Zeta Zeta Zeta parking lot. Upon arrival at student health, Chaloupker was in correctly diagnosed as having a kidney infection, was given two birth control pills and shoved into an iron lung. Upon removal Chaloupker was found to be dead. "Sorry about that," ex claimed head nurse Frieda Farkel. Chaloupker's body was removed from Student Health and was taken to Hank's Taxidermy Shop. After being stuffed, Cahloupker's body will be displayed in a glass case in the ANUS office, where it will serve as an inspiration to future senators. r - - - v f J '.,-b. v - ... 1 Answer to CSL and Greek racial hassle: the transparent student. Student affairs plans to grant numerous tuition waivers for 1970-71 for see-through students. GRADUATES! Cap and Gown rental Bachelor Master Doctorate UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE Nubr. Hall Nebr. Union Cost Campus SENIORS: To Avoid The last Minufo Rush and Confusion Order Your Cap & Gown Early (Payment Not Due Until Ordtr It TkM Up. &ofjaV;!V cap & gown co. "25 R St. 432.0111 Parody Parody This, the final issue of the Hag, is mostly a pimp. Ex cept for the front page. The rest of the issue is for your enjoyment, rites of spring and ail that. ZFT top honor top honors Zigma Felta Thi, national journalism fraternity, has awarded the Rag night news department top honors for in serting 89 stories on the hon orary since Jan..!-. "Tom Lansworth, my assist ant, and I have been glad to publicize that great organiza tion. ZFT has been a real mov er on this campus," said Dave Filipi, retiring night news edi tor. . : uulji Monday, May 4 U of N USO all day KKK InterRacial Room Bored of Regents private room 3:30 a.m. S.U.D. laundry room 4:56 a.m. Spiro Fan ClubTV lounge 7:30 a.m. College of Agriculture Crib 8:44 a.m. ANUS men's lounge or broom closet 10 a.m. sharp Hardy Boys booths 11:11a.m. Great White Hunters Pawnee Room Noon Superman Telephone booths 3 p.m. Long haired, commie hippies dark side crib 3:01 p.m. SDS dark side crib 4 p.m. Everyone going to Casey's South steps 4:33 p.m. WITCH Panhel 4:59 p.m. DAILY NEBRASKAN staff State Welfare Office CAMOI TBIPS Into Qwirico-lujMrlor WIMornaM. flan it Mcttlnfl cmn trin tor Hw Mb(i point of your tummor vocation! Rata you can Mora', for Information write or call BILL ROM'S OUTPITTBRJ, ly, Mlnnatota. .., 3U-4644. MM3 PAGE 2 THE DAILY NEBRASKAN MONDAY, ' MAY" A, 1970