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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 23, 1967)
7. It A- B X f. Page 2 The Daily Nebraskan THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1967 The Subversive Element tiiiiiiiui'ii-iiii iiiiiimiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiliiilliiiiiii''iM'iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii:j EDITOR'S NOTK: The following sa tire on the issue of academic freedom at Wayne State Teachers College was writ ten by a University student for un Eng lish class.) Once behind the times, in a nice, clean college town, in a nice clean state, there lived a nice, clean college presi dent who was also a very fine admini strator. His name was Doctor Branden birch and he was, as the president of Brandenbirch College, one of the state's leading manufacturers of certified teach ers. Now Doctor Brandenbirch was re sponsible only to the State Oulja Board, which was an august body of nice, clean men, set up by the Legislature to govern the four state colleges. The board had been very cleverly named, so that it would appeal to the general public, as well as to just such learned men as the good doctor himself. The name not only implied a sort of super-normal and infallible, collective in stitution in matters of decency, normal ity, and conscience, but also (and here is the clever part), through the combi nation of the French OU1 with the Ger man JA, formed an apt and, for its creators, reassuring definition of .its own function, with the joke on the public thrown in for good measure. As it happened, Doctor Brandenbirch had once consulted "Johnson's Diction ary" and knew that an administrator is "one who administers," and that to ad minister is "to direct the execution of" as well as "to give, as a dose of some thing beneificial." Had he bothered to look up "fine" as well, he would have found that it means "very small; minis cule." Fortunately he had not, or he might not have remained so warm to ward his good friend, Senator Wallow, Who was responsible for his being known as a "very fine administrator." Several years before, Doctor Brand enbirch had been obliged to play the executioner part of the administrator's role. A professor, whom he had hired for the coming school year at the college, had the poor taste to become the object of national notoriety by lending a soap box to a known Communist sympathizer. The good doctor and the ouija board had been obliged to "nip" the prospective professor "hi the bud," to borrow a pop ular phrase. Accordingly, they fired him before he started, thus protecting the nice, clean farm kids at Brandenbirch from being contaminated before they could be certi fied. Lord knows, national notoriety is a bad enough sin in itself, but the great est danger was that the professor might have contracted Communism himself by handling the soap box before the sympa thizer handled it by a sort of a retro active contagion. For the last few years, however, things had been normal and nice at Brandenbirch. For the most part, the ad ministrator's role had required only the routine, beneficial dosing of the faculty and (by osmosis) the student body. But alas! In their contentment the good doc tor and the ouija board had grown care less, and one day it was discovered that a bearded, subversive element had ob tained a position on the faculty. It had evidently been there for some time, but unfortunately the nice, clean farm kids did not know what it was and had learned not to care about anything except being certified after the four-year waiting per iod. , Some of the faculty knew what it was, but were unable to communicate with the administrator because, as he so often said, "communication (was) a two way street" and whichever way they went (the doctor always told them where to go), he went the other way. More over, since It was hln policy for com munication purposes to keep all the doors in the administration building open at all times, it was so cold In the build ing that he never went there. And so it happened that it was Doc tor Brandenbirch himself who discovered the element. As he was leaving the Stu dent Union, where he had a segregated corner in which to drink his coffee, he noticed two students thronging about someone seated in a lawn chair directly in front of the administration building. Approaching to within a few feet, he be gan to discern that it was, in fact, a vio lent, mass demonstration, led by the sickly, little bearded subversive sitting in the chair and passing out letters of re signation which contained vulgarities and questioned the academic freedom on the campus. More and more students were joning the deemonstration all the time until, in no time at all, there were three. Frantically, the good doctor ran to consult the ouija board, for he knew that if word got out that there was a bearded instructor on his campus there would be t-r-o-u-b-l-e, just as there was in River City. The ouija board, of course, gave him absolute authority to take any ac tion necessary, and so he promptly squelched the freedom question by sus pending the bearded element from the faculty and obtaining a restraining order to bar him from the campus. But the problem of student demon strations remained, unsolved, until Sen ator Migraine, a vociferous proponent of the "nlp-it-in-the-bud" tradition, came up with a solution that proved to be both effective and (characteristically) simple: "If there are troublemakers, let's get rid of them." Now, for many years it had been a standard policy in the state to "get rid of" postgraduate troublemakers by fixing salaries below the subsistence level. In this way, the state had been preserved, so to speak, and was in almost as good a condition as it was at its inception, one hundred years before. But now, in view of the mass demonstration at Bran denbirch, many feared that unless "stern disciplinary action" was taken, the stu dents might even try to grow genuine subversive beards under cover of the state-wide whisker movement now under way to commemorate the state centenni al. Obviously, if the decent people mere ly waited until the end of the year when everyone else shaved, it would be too late to nip these troublemakers in the bud, so Senator Migraine urged the Le gislature to follow the lead of a famous western governor who had "set an ex ample for all." A man of wide experience, the gov ernor had recently faced just such a cri sis in his own state, and had proposed the same kind of double-barreled solu tion he had employed in his campaign to clean up the entire nation (with bor ax) in the old Death Valley days: a si multaneous tuition hike and budget cut at all state colleges and universities. In his characteristically simple way, Sena tor Migraine figured that even if some of the students could afford the exorbi tant tuition fees, the schools would have to close anyway for lack of funds. And so the troublemakers were "got rid of," and the nice, clean people lived happily ever after. Even Doctor Brand enbirch was happy. When the schools were forced to close, he had taken a po sition with a dry cleaning firm, and when last heard from, once again had his "hands full of more pressing matters." 1t IMllltllllllllf 1I11IM t illltllllllllll MtllllMllJlllIlIlMlltllllllllKlllllIEillltl I If M 1 1 1111 lM i I II Itll 1 1111 11 1 11411 II i t It 11 1 1 1 1 1 1 III M 1 1 III ttl Itll I J 11 ) 1 1 II t lit I tl Itllll 1 1 lllltl II 1 1 1 1 1 1 Whistle While TJou Walk f Parents are wonderful. Being born and raised in a conservative climate, Ne braska, I have come to appreciate the necessity of parental guardianship no matter how old I become or where I go. Isn't it true that we all need parents now more than ever before since Amer ica's moral and social fabric has taken a turn for the worse toward promiscuity and pornography? In lieu of these undermining tenden cies it is Imperative that, in our case, the University should maintain it's par ental guidance system to regulate our hours and activities, social functions and dating. Here are a few of the advantages of the successful system operating at our institution of "higher learning." An important facet of the University's program embraces a complete tone of guidance, the essence of which is secur ity. Contained in' this policy of security are the controversial issues of hours and mandatory dorm residency. I do not feel that there is any justifi cation in arguing against these restric tions since they were provided to pro tect the student body from itself. After all, without them students would be get ting into all kinds of trouble, and every one knows that much more is done after 1 a.m. than before it. For this reason alone I am glad that coeds are locked in at night. Similarly, group living is a desirable situation since most of us plan to spend the rest of our lives is dormitory living units cohabitating with other members of the same sex. Thus, both of these regu lations, hours and group living, are nec essary compliments to our assimilation of a total education. But there are many more. Tha parental guidance system at the University manifests within each student a sense of responsibility. The coeds, in particular, benefit from this policy be cause they develop not only a sense of punctuality, being in on time to avoid those nasty late minutes, but also a true rapport with education through the es tablished study hours provided for them. . . . Alan Barton Everyone develops responsibility to ward the group as a whole by sharing such communal facilities as the cafeter ias, lounges and washrooms. Truly, this attitude brings us into perspective with ourselves as well as others and radiates out an underlying quality of responsibil ity. Trust is another very merltable frui tion of our parental system on campus. By closely watching and regulating our activities the administration injects into us a sense of trustworthiness which we all accept graciously end use piously to Justify their faith in our competency to make decisions. An excellent example of what I mean is demonstrated in Dean Synder's recent remarks in Monday's Daily Nebraskan where she says, ". . . that people coming to the University are not ready to make decisions on what will have the best over all benefits for them." Ah, I think there was a misquotation here and it should read something like this "the students are highly capable of making relevant decisions which will bene fit their total education. That's why ev eryone wants to live in the dorms under the supervision of regulated hours." Such parental concern is overwhelming. The most successful quality of our parental guidance system is the spontan tanelty with which students have re sponded to the administrators projected filial Image. I think we al! consider them as our parents away from home, and af ter all, isn't this what we came to school for to acquire a total education within the boundaries of our family? Or is it to discover ourselves? Parents are a most wonderful nucleus to evolve from. They provide us with a foundation to explore the recesses of knowledge in search for a unique iden tity. I owe my parents a great deal I think each one of us does. But I wonder how much we owe our self-appointed par ental guardians at the University? s i d MICKEY OUSET, Our Man Hoppe Raise the Anti "I have called this emer gency meeting on national security, gentlemen," said the President gravely, "to discuss the growing missile gap." "Excuse me, Mr. Presi dent," said Dr. Werner von Teller, "it isn't a missile gap precisely. I am proud to s a y we still have 342 more missiles than they have. The problem is that they are developing anti missile missiles with which to shoot down our missiles. And while we have more missiles than they, we fear they have more anti-missile missiles. This creates an anti-missile missile gap." "Did you say 'missile missile'?" asked the steno typist, Miss Carbondale. "No," said Dr. von Teller. "'Anti-missile missile.' The hyphen comes between the 'anti' and the 'missile.'" "Thank you," said Miss Carbondale. "The danger," continued Dr. von Teller, "is that if they perfect an anti-missile missile that would destroy our missiles, they would then feel free to launch their missiles at us because we have no effective anti missile missiles." "Our choice then," said the President, frowning, "is to build either more missiles than they have anit-missile missiles or more anti-missile missiles than they have missiles." "Excuse me, sir," said Miss Carbondale. . . "I am anti-missile," said the Secretary of State. "We have a hard enough time now projecting a peaceful image with all the missiles we've got around." "And I'm afraid I'm anti-anti-missile missile," said the Secretary of Defense, shaking his head. "Did you say two 'antis,' sir?" asked Miss Carbon dale. "Yes," said the Secre tary. "I am against the ant i-mlssile missile. My cost projection a n 1 1 y s i s shows that an effective anti missile missile system would require a capital out lay which breaks doen to S97.32'i cents per casualty.. And that's too high. We need a bigger ban for our buck." "Well, there's a third alternative," said Dr. von Teller. "With a crash pro gram we could, in a couple of years, perhaps develop a small missile to be car ried by our missiles. Thus, when our missiles were attacked by their anti-missile missiles, we could launch these anti-anti-missile missiles to. . ." "Pardon me," said Miss Carbondale. . . "Hold on, now," said the President. "That's a dan gerous time lag. And what if they're already working on an anti-anti-anti missile missile missile?" "Did you say 'missile missile missile,' s i r?" asked Miss Carbondale. "Missile missile," said the President. "But maybe we could build an anti anti - anti anti missile. Now is there anybody pres ent who is anti-anti-anti- .Hmmm. Please back, Miss Car- anti-anti. read that bondale." But Miss Carbondale was suddenly seized with a fit of nervous giggling. For some unaccountable reason it spread around the table until even Dr. von Teller was rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach and guffawing, "Anti-anti-anti-anti-anti. . ." The very next day the United States proposed a workable treaty for total disarmament. That's What It Says Gov. Heekin sat back in his chair and watched the rain. He had just fin ished his fifth term as Governor. He picked up the newspaper and read a page 52 story "Former University Cal ifornia president Clark Curr died yester day." "Ha!," he snorted, "serves him right." "What serves who right?" Reekin's wife Nancy asked. "Curr died. Serves him right" Ree kin smiled. "Poor Curr," Mrs. Reekin said, re turning her husband's smile, "he never really caught on to what education was all about." "Remember when I first took office?" Reekin asked. "All those radicals were at Berkeley then and Curr was their leader. First we got rid of Curr, then the radicals, then Berkeley." "Yes, it certainly is much better as an agricultural station now than it ever was as a University," Mrs. Reekin added. "Cows in Berkeley?" Reekin was doubled up with laughter. "Your tuition proposals were good too. After you made your famous speech in 1970, 'Why Stop at $400' there was noth ing they could do." Mrs. Reekin's eyes twinkled with delight "Well, those boys and girls had to learn to pay for what they were getting. Actually, $2000 per semester was never out of anyone's income bracket To pay any less would be the same as stealing." "Remember how enrollment dropped from 87,000 to 1500? The University was at its finest hour. Too bad all the pro fessors left, though." "But all the football coaches stayed, Nancy, and that's what counts. UCLA won the Rose Bowl for 11 years straight. They even beat the Green Bay Packers one year." "It was marvelous, Ronnie, but if Curr had stayed it never could have hap pened." "Curr didn't like football: he was in comprehensible. Why, when I went to Eureka College, we had things like Eng lish and history, but we had football too. In fact, I majored in the theory of foot ball." "I always hated the name multiver sity anyway. The 'multipigskin' was a much better name." "Football was practical, Nancy, and Curr could never see that. He wasn't practical. There was no reason to teach the boys and girls things like philosophy. How could they possibly get any value from their education after majoring in philosophy?" "The Berkeley Agricultural Station has produced thousands of excellent farm ers, Ronnie. It was a great idea." "Those boys sure can spade the ma nure. They'll make fine citizens." Reek in made quick little motions with his hands as if shoveling manure. "Changing UCLA to a School of For estry wasn't such a bad idea either." "And you have to admit that the Riv erside campus is doing much better as the Institute of Home Economics." "The Police Academy at the old Da vis campus was just what we needed." Reekin smiled again. "It's been great, Nancy, but it's too bad I never got any one to take over as University President." By Steve Gruber Collegiate Press Service RON PFEUM'S j j A Handful Of Rain! i The Lowlands' Band of Rebels is still screaming for ' you:- help outside your window and you're wondering what they want with you or what you can do for them. Then, as your doubt leaves in an instant, you meet their spokesman. She has you caught in her personality. They call her the Queen of Revelation and She Is the One who doesn't ugree with what's going on In the Lowlands. She is the One who speaks In poetic action and wastes few words. She is the One her followers be lleve in and trust. She has earned tbclr respect. She is fluent in everything she does. The way she speaks, the way she moves, the way she looks. She is their Unquestionable Leader. She extends to you a sip of their Syrup of Comradeship and after the first sip of the sweetness you know you can't stay in the Low lands without more of it. You feel you know the un derstanding that passeth all peace. From out of the crowd of followers steps an appar ently enthusiastic young man wearing a jean jacket and smoking a peace pipe. He hangs on every word sho says, as if his life depended on it. He leans against her and seems to be drawing strength from it, as are tho other followers. She raises a golden umbrella and points to the West The band Immediately looks in that direction and rides off toward the Gap, following the Angel of Direction. Somewhere, out there, this rebel group holds meet ings where they survey every thing around them and an parently come to an understanding of their situation. Not too far from there is the home of the Queen. But his tory tells us that most wayfarers on pilgrimages get high-centered on their way to the Last Hope of the Lowlands. THIS TRAGICOMIC WORLD By Doyle Niemann Arthur Hoppe America is the greatest country in the world, or so we are continually being told. And what is it that makes our country so great? It is our freedom of speech, thought and action. This is the distinguishing mark between our society and that of the totalitarian and communistic world. But what does all this mean? I do not intend to deny that we do have these free doms, for we do. However, I would like to raise some questions as to its value and significance. It is true that in the United States one can say and do most anything he wants. There are some limits, but these are so broad as to pose little restriction. Conse quently, Americans do have virtual freedom of thought and action. If someone dislikes the government or its leaders they can and have every right to say so. If he thinks that our society is corrupt and morally bankrupt he can urge people to change it. There is no effective power to stop him. There is no one to tell him that he cannot say and think the way he does. The question which arises, however, Is what value does this freedom have. What Is its effect upon our so ciety? While it is undeniably true that anyone can say and do what he pleases, it is also true that anything he may say and do will have Jittle effect upon the mass of society. No one (relatively speaking of course) ever listens. Our society has become so fat and complacent and so used to freedom of speech that it can ignore any call to change, any criticism of the status quo. The criticism may be true and change may be necessary but, society just does not listen and so nothing is done. Society simply shrugs off as irrevelant anything it does not like. The effects of this apathy can be seen throughout our culture. Potential artists, writers and intellectuals soon discover that anything they say and do will have very little effect upon society. As a result, they give up creating for the people; they give up attempting to change society and, instead, turn to more esoteric sub jects and purposes. They write for themselves or for a small group rather than for the mass of people. Conse quently, what they create has little relevance to society and the masses and almost no effect upon them. Compare this to the Soviet Union, an autocratic, dic tatorial country, lacking all our guarantees of freedom. It is true that in Russia there is censorship and repres sion; that to speak out often means reprisals and per haps, death. But, despite all this, men do speak out. They do criticize ,je society and the government. And, what is more important, what tbey say does have an effect; it is relevant. The people care; they listen and some times act. Even the government is wary of and atten tive to these men. The government does not dare re press them too much; it is forced to listen and to make changes. Thus we see that, ironical as it may seem, what is said and done in the Soviet Union, an autocratic, dicta torial country, matters and is relevant; while what is said in the United States, the freest of the free, is not. In conclusion, I ask only that you think on this one question: what value does freedom of thought anJ action have if what is thought and done has no effect? Daily Nebraskan Editorial Pass Assistant Suit Phelps! Sports Editor Ed Icenoglei Assistant Sports Editor Terry Orumlcks Senior Staff Writen. Julit Morris. Charyl Tritt, Rand; Irey; Junior Staff Writers, Mick Ume, David Buntain, Roger Boye. Jim Evinxer, Dan Looker, Paul Eaton. Mark Cordon, Chris Carlson i News Assistant Eileen Wirthi Photographers. Miks Hayman, Doug Keistre; Copy editors Romney ReutMl, Lynn Ann Gottschalk. Marty Dietrich, Jackie Glascock. Chris Stockwall. Diane Undqnist. Aon Hoege-meyer. Vol. N. No. 65 Feb. 23. 1967 Second-class postage paid at Lincoln, Neb. TELEPHONE: 477-8711. ExttlstoBS 5S8, 2389 and 2590. Subscription rates are M per semes ter or for the academic year. Pub lished Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday during the school year, except during vacations and sxan periods, by the students of the Uni versity of Nebraska under the jurisdic tion of the Faculty Subcommittee on Student Publications. Publications shall be free from censorship by the Sub committee or any p:a outside tha University. Members of the Nebraakaa are responsible for what they cause to be printed. Member Associated Collegiate Press. National Advertising Service, Incor porated. Published at Room U. Nebraska Union. Lincoln. Neb.. 68511 EDITORIAL STAFF Editor Wayne Krauscbsrt Managing Editor Bruce Guest News Editor Jaa Itkint Might News Editor Pag Bennett! BUSINESS STAFF Business Manager Bob Ginni Na tional Advertising Manager Roger Boyei Prodoctioa Manager Charles Baxteri Classified Advertising Manag ers Janet Boatman, John Flamming i Secretary Amy Bouska; Business As sistants Bob Carter, Glenn Friends. Rnss Fuller, Chris Lotus. Kathy Scnooley. Linda Jeffrey! Subscription Manager Jim B until Circulation Man ager Lynn Rathjeai ClrcolaUoa Assist ant Gary Mayan Bookkeeper Craig Martinson. . . . i