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The Daily Nebraskan
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1967
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Dean Snyder Again
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r Dean Snyder and members of the Ad
ministration who back the things she says
think the Student Bill of Rights Assembly
will accomplish little.
Dean Snyder and others feel that only
a few students are concerned with their
rights.
Dean Snyder seems to think that she
can control the outcome of the Bill of
Rights Assembly through sorority alums.
Dean Snyder thinks that only a few
students will become upset when they
read her statement in today's paper "that
people coming to the University are not
ready to make decisions on what will
have the best overall benefits for them."
Dean Snyder apparently thinks that a
majority of students and their parents will
believe her when she says that noisy,
over-priced and often inadequate Univer
sity housing "is part of a person's total
experience at the University."
Dean Snyder seems to think that it's
more important for a coed to live in
some type of University housing than it
is to take a full course load in school.
Dean Snyder and others don't seem
to care what parents say or how a coed
might feel herself.
The Daily Nebraskan feels sorry for
Dean Snyder.
Vote Yes
For almost a year the dormitory resi
dents at the University have been debat
ing the idea of an organized, unified co
ordinating group.
The idea is to give the dormitory
residents as much power or organized
representation and unity as possible in
the University community.
Tuesday and Thursday the dormi
tory residents can end the long talks and
dreams about this idea and make it a
permanent organization.
The Daily Nebraskan strongly encour
ages those residents in each dorm to vote
Tuesday for the idea of an Interdormitory
Association and Thursday for the pro
posed constitution.
The dorms have already wasted too
much time in talking about an idea which
could provide very obvious benefits.
Our Man Hoppe-
A Message From Outer Space RonaId Woimds The Beast
By Bill Blankenship
Yes, yes I realize that you have a
dozen computers working on the prob
lem. But does that change the fact that
I am the Captain of the Mars Expedition
and that I can see what is going on.
4 What? Oh, yes, I know that Health
and Environmental Liason, Earth Net
work has the final say as to what we,
as members of the space crew, must do.
Let me " dew what has happened, HEL
EN. Upon landing we discovered that our
atmosphere-analyzer guage indicated fav
orable conditions for us to venture forth
onto the surface of Mars. So, on behalf
of the crew, I would like to respectfully
request permission for us to leave the
ship.
Yes, yes HELEN, I know that you
have spent years designing the most com
fortable spacecaft imaginable. Truly you
have done a magnificent job in providing
us with the most up-to-date and expen
sive equipment. Even the recreational
facilities and the clever, spacious design
of the ship itself are more than adequate.
But the fact remains, HELEN, that
tfars is out there waiting for us. All we
ask is your permission to proceed to in
vestigate, with the utmost care, this new
world.
But wait! One of the men is getting
a signal over the other radio set. Oh
No! Yes, it is! We are getting signs that
there is intelligent life outside our space
ship! I repeat there must be some
real beings on the other side of these
thin, metal walls !
What? What are they saying now?
They want to know who we are and where
we are from? And whether or not we
are worthy to enter their civilization?
Hold on a minute, HELEN, while I take
the other radio to communicate with the
Martians.
Walt a minute. What for, HELEN?
The Martians are waiting for my reply.
Oh, you think that you should give them
the information about the expedition. Well,
I realize that you possess all the intelli
gence possible by means of your vast
network of computers, but don't you
think we can handle it from this end?
Oh More messages from the Mar
tians. I haven't time for your rebuttle,
HELEN, we are getting more communi
cations from outside the space ship. Yes
they are telling about their civilization.
The Martians have a level of technology
far superior to ours. We have much to
gain from them.
But wait the Martians themselves
they are most peculiar. They have
translucent bodies that glow with colored
lights of many shades. Knowledge and
understanding radiate from one individual
to another by means of these lights.
Also, when one Martian expresses a
desire or wish or even a new idea, all
may see and learn and no one will dare
impede the colored lights from shining
into another. Most of all everyone is
valued by his own light and where he
shines it.
They are asking us to come forth
from the shell of our ship and learn from
them the secrets of their world.
What's that HELEN? You must first
give your permission before we can , , ,
That's What It Says
Wind-up dolls have had their day;
magazine hybrids never got started;
"would you believe" has been run into
the ground - it's time for something
new.
With hour exams approaching, a new
rhetorical pastime suggests itself exams
for the examined. "The examined" are
those whose foibles are on the collective
lips of the nation. The exams are de
signed to represent those foibles.
The Hubert Humphrey exam: you
start off with an original thesis, but end
by repeating the lectures verbatim.
The Bob Dylan exam: Good answers,
but you can' read the handwriting.
The William Manchester exam: You
have to cross out all the essay.
The Warren Commission exam: Con
vincing at first glance, but tends to fall
apart on second reading.
The Stokely Carmichael exam: Most
of the class flunks.
The George Hamilton III exam: You
flunk the exam, but get an "A" in the
course.
The Adam Clayton Powell exam: You
get caught cheating.
The Time Magazine exam: Your style
is entertaining, but your content is dis
torted. ,
The Casslus Clay exam: You get side
tracked by answers which have nothing
to do with the course.
The Ronald Reagen exam: The sams
exam given in two different courses.
The Dean Rusk exam: You repeat
the same answers over and over again.
The Beatles exam: Yon scream as
soon as you see it.
The Robert Kennedy exam: Pretty
good, but not nearly as good as the last
one.
The Johnny Carson exam: The pro
fessor interrupts you every ten minutes
for further instructions.
The George Romney exam: You de
cline to answer to the most difficult ques
tions. The Students for a Democratic Society
exam: You attack the professor's sex life.
The Bill Moyers exam: You shoot
your bolt on the first two questions and
leave early.
The Marshall McLuhan exam: Re
turned with a large question mark.
The LSD exam: You take twelve hours
to finish it and two days to recuperate.
The New York City exam: You can't
pull any of your answers together.
The Charles de Gaulle exam: You an
nounce to the class that you don't want
to take it.
The George Wallace exam: Your girl
friend takes it for you.
The draft exam: You try to cut the
class.
The Richard Nixon exam: You give
. ten different answers to each question.
The pop art exam: You hand in a
blank piece of paper.
The Jean Dixon exam: You answer
all tne questions to the next exam.
The Lyndon Johnson exam: You can't
believe the questions.
Ed Schwartz
Collegiate Press Service
Arthur Hoppe
All right! All right! Stop
that caterwauling, children
and daddy will tell you just
one more fairy tale about
Sir Ronald of Holyrood and
his faithful squire, Sancho
Nofziger.
Let's see, how about the
time Sir Ronald met The
Civil Servie? Oh, it's a won
drous story. Hand daddy his
martini.
-k -k
Well, , as you remember,
Sir Ronald and the faithful
Sancho were hacking their
way through The Tangled
Thicket in quest of (shud
der) The Unruh, that fear
some creature who dwelt
somewhere deep in its
murky depths.
Suddenly, in a particular
ly tangly part of T h e
Tangled Thicket, Sancho
paled and held up his hand.
"Oh, look, Sire, what lies
ahead across our path!"
he whispered.
"Is it The Unruh?" cried
Sir Ronald, hopefully draw
ing his famed Swinging
Sword.
"No, Sire, it's The Civil
Service. See, it has a thous
and heads, a million arms
and bristles all over with
a zillion needle-sharp pen
cil points."
"What an odd beast," said
Sir Ronald. "And what
does it do?"
"Do?" said Sancho, look
ing perplexed. "No one
rightly knows, Sire. But
the wisest course is never
to disturb it. Let us tip-toe
past, smiling politely and
tipping our visors. And,
above all, let us forbear
breathing the Forbidden
Word, which is . . ."
"Say no more," said Sir
Ronald indignantly. "I fear
neither man nor beast. I
shall prod it awake and
demand its aid upon our
quest."
"Oh, please, Sire," plead
ed Sancho, "leave sleeping
Civil Services lie."
But it was too late. For
Sir Ronald had boldly struck
The Civil Service across the
rump, his Swinging Sword
giving forth a clang as it
jiiftififiif mifif iiniirinitjiif Jintif in i iiiiitiinritiiftiiiiftiiiiitiiiii ttiiiiiiiiiiiifiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiif iiicmiiiitii
1 (9n SJucation I
, . . by Susie (Diffenderfer
Teacher
With beer in my blood
And a jungle-gym heart
I, teacher of life
Told bubble-gum faces
Not to
chew
in class.
Thirty odd chairs of the world
Stiff-jawed clams without wings
Awaited learning then,
While I counted presence, first.
Present; why?
To learn restraining rhythm
Of rule-book Christ
And smiles on Sundays
No love
under trees
without reason.
Teach young hearts
m
Let them be free
In your mocking manipulation
factory fish in a ccn.
Leave their shoes
Boxes in closet-stale darkness.
So they may slide, barefoot
Through life's splinter
banister breeze.
met the creature's mystic
armor of tenure. It lifted
one of its thousand heads
and slowly opened a sleepy
eye.
"Hola varlet!" said Sir
Ronald. "I am Sir Ronald
of Holyrood. 1 have con
quered the Evil Governor
and now rule this
fair Golden State."
"Then I pledge you my
eternal fealty," said the
creature with a yawn. "For
the next four years."
"Pay no attention, Sire,"
whispered Sancho. "It says
that to each new shining
knight to who passes this
way."
But Sir Ronald prodded
the drowsing creature
again. "Will you join me
then," he said, "in our
glorious quest in the cause of
decency, purity and just
plain goodness?"
"You may count on me to
do my duty loyally night
and day," it said. And, plonk,
it went back to sleep.
"Good," said Sir Ronald.
"Now, to win through to vic
tory, we must sacrifice our
holidays and work. . ."
"Aaaggghhh!" screamed
the creature at the mention
of the word. An it went
galumphing off in all direc
tions, bellowing, "There's a
nut on the loose! There's a
nut on the loose!"
"I never laid a sword on
it," said Sir Ronald, much
awed. "Well, never mind,
Sancho, we must press on
in our glorious quest
alone, if needs be."
"I fear," said Sancho with
a groan as he prepared to
follow his master, "that
we are getting more so everv
dav."
-A-
All right, beddy-bye, chil
dren, and . . . Now what?
Oh, don't be silly. How
could Sir Ronald have
changed the creature into
an army of shining knights?
What do you expect in a
fairy tale, miracles?
Daily
Nebraskan
Vol. 90, No. 63 Feb. 20. 1967
Second-class postage paid at Lincoln,
Neh.
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KIHTOKIAL KTAf-'r
Editor Wayne Kreuscher; Managing
Editor Bruce (file; News FUiibir Jan
Itkin; Night News Editor Pen Bennett;
Editorial Puue Assistant Susie Phelps;
Snorts Editor Ed iccnoulc, Assistant
Snorts EdiUir Terry ;rasmlck; (senior
Ktafi Writers, Julie Morns, Cheryl Trltt,
Randy Irey; Junioi Smil Writers, Mick
Ix)we, David Hiimaln, Kouer Boye. Jim
Evlnger, Dan Looker, Paul Kabm. Murk
Gordon, Chris Carlson; News Assistant
Eileen Wirth: Photographers, Mike
Huyniun, Doug Keistre . Copy Editors
Romney Reut?el, Lynn Ann Cottschulk,
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MarUnao.
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Society
Stone
BY BRUCE MASON
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Ikon's left hand nearly touched the ground; the
weight of his twenty pound jewel encrusted stone fastened
to the left side of his tunic forced him to curl the fingers
of his left hand to avoid scraping them against the
ground.
Ikon's lips parted in a smile as he viewed the dis
torted and unnatural position his society stone thrust
upon his body. Yet, once Ikon clamped on his stone, a
cascade of pride engulfed his soul. Ikon knew that his
society was the best because it had the most beautiful
society stone.
Only in the darkest part of the night did Ikon won
der about, or if he felt especially daring, question his
society brothers' scourn for Those Who Walked Up
right, not blessed with the oppressive weight of a twenty
pound jewel encrusted stone upon their breast. Ikon in
these moments of doubt always repeated segments of his
society's sacred rites to reassure himself.
These divinely inspired words, for all the societies
traced their lineage back to some ancient god or histori
cal personage, told him that to wear the stone required
great courage. For only by the power of the stone was
a man to avoid the dangers of the Outer World.
Ikon sighed thankfully for the stone's security. To be
just like all his society brothers was the blissful benefit
of the stone. In fact, his thoughts were their thoughts;
his clothes, their clothes; even his deodorant, their deo
dorant. Ikon snickered at how ridiculous Those Who Walked
Upright looked in their assorted manner of attire. For
they possessed no uniformity and were always insistent
upon muttering incomprehensible phrases. How utterly
imageless they were!
Ikon understood the importance of a good Image for
his society. After all, the most Important duty of a so
ciety was to present the proper image. With this in
mind, he blessed the stars above for the oppressive
weight of the stone which held his eyes downward to
gaze upon the well-trodden path all society brothers tra
veled. To deviate from the traditional pathway was to
court disaster.
Without the stone how would one enjoy the company
of an Anchor Woman, riding the wave of conformity; or
the conversation of the Woman of the Key, unlocking the
door of uniformity? To lose these pleasures would be to
lose the very purpose of the stone!
Ikon shuddered at the thought of not belching in uni
son with his society brothers under the balcony of their
sister society on those wonderful Monday nights, when
all the societies try to out-belch each other for the
betterment of their image. Such beneficial activities
only the stone brings.
Never did Ikon question his society's belief In the
importance of placing one's dinner napkin between the
toes while eating. He, being the shrewd society man,
realized that to enjoy the bountiful benefits of the stone
one had to conform to some pecularities.
Ikon cursed as his twenty pound jewel encrusted
stone slipped from its clamp and landed painfully upon
his left foot. The pain Ikon could withstand but not the
looks his society brothers would give him when they
viewed his caved-in shoe. They might accuse him of be
coming one of Those Who Walked Upright.
With the stone from his tunic, Ikon felt free. The
absence of the oppressive weight of the stone filled his
heart with a vague incination that Those Who Walked
Upright might have a better life. This sacrilegious idea
vanished with the remembrance that he was late for the
important meeting t decide whether to give scorpions or
tarantulas as the society's formal favor.
With a hasty reprimand for even thinking of the Un
pardonable Sin, Ikon secured his twenty pound jewel en
crusted stone and scurried off to the momentous meet
ing, his left hand scraping the ground.
LT
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Attend Budget Hearings
Dear Editor:
The Legislative Budget committee will hold hearings
on the University's requested budget Tuesday and Wednes
day of this week from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. In the Governor's
Hearing Room of the State Capitol.
The Mortar Boards and Innocents wish to encourage
all students to attend these hearings. Because of the far
reaching effects of this budget and the possibility of an
increased tuition, students should show their concern by
attending these hearings.
We must make it apparent to our state legislators
that University students are interested and actively in
volved in the future of the University.
Black Masque Chapter of Mortar Board,
Innocents Society
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