The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, March 31, 1963, Image 1
C3 1? JMLJIUIJJl.WW LU if 'i'v 1 THE PINK SHAFT Monday, April 1, 1963 0) r Mfflsii lllllilf FRAT RATS OGGLE LASCIVIOUSLY AT FLESH FLICK HO HO HO WHAT A RUSH FILM! In a private, secret and extremely clandestine meeting, the InterFrat Club (IFC) previewed the 1963 Rush Fflm. "Wow", catcalled president Bffl Barfly, "was it high above the Pi PW Garter." Barfly also added special thanks to PanHole for their assist ance in the production of the extravaganza. PanHole prexy Mac Cooney declined to comment IIFCs BcairffSy Cotes 'ComfffldemitQCil' Article! Again, the InterFtat Club (EFCJ went into special closed session so that they could dis cuss their mutual egotisms. IFC President, Bill Barfly King of the Hop, made a spe cial issue of the article in Confidential involving various fraternity men and an unreg istered party in Piff Hardin's o f f i c e the night before the budget committee made its tour of University facilities. "Confidential" magazine," stated Barfly, "had used pic tures and words to slice a deep cut into the fraternity world." The Phi Kappa Pianobreak ers representative suggested that the men on campus with draw their subscriptions to the magazine. It was indi cated, however, that this would cause a tremendous economic crisis and result in a National depression since most of the money spent by fraternity men was on this sort of irerature. Tom Beerster, IFC secret ary, stated that there was considerable opposition to the IFC slate and that some in dividuals had banded togeth er in the form of the Frater nity Housemother's Associa tion FHA). He indicated that they, along with the University j Party for the Gross Prostitu tion of Purpose, (UPGPP) would undoubtedly raise hav oc with IFC programs. The Phi Gamma Gimmie Rous Uncovers Huskie Husker Dean G. Robert Raue to day made public a fact which the campus has suspected for some time Huskie the Husk er is a TNE. The investigation has been underway for some time, as the charges began sometime during the regular football season. The study finally reached its climax yesterday when yellow paint was found cn his coveralls. Dean Raus said that this particular case called for a suspension from the Univer sity, and also a ruling which' uiyjFui viujyuiL museum. bouse rep stated that there was no real threat from the UPGPP, but that the r e a 1 problem rests with the FHA in their opposition to the FMA. He further stated that Ef fie BarnBody, leader for the FHA, ad advocated that housemothers rebell against their employers, the chapter treasurers and the IFC by re fusing to buy from those giv en contracts. The .. Housemother's in dicated that they were the Queens of the Hop and de serving of the right to rule. Barfly immediately took is sue stating that they could not be Queen of the Hop since he was already King. Continuing, the Phi Gam ma Gimmie rep stated that there was no purpose for the fraternities to oppose the FHA since their authority was de rived from some hidden god called The House That Har din Euilt. The Delta Tan Garbage- mouth rep secured the floor and advocated the abolition of the House of mi-Fraternity Housemothers Asso ciation and that a new organ ization of mass oppostiion to their rule be formed immedi ately. The motion carried. The Sigma Alpha Mother fraternity representative then advocated that open war be declared on Ron Rogowski's railroaded UPGPP. He stated that any thinking man would. NU Hero, Is A TNE will prohibit the Husker from taking part in any campus ac tivities. Many circles be lieved that Huskie would be the logical successor to Don Butt as President of Stupid Council. Huskie was majoring in Home Economics, and his particular interest was in clothes design. The NFO has been asked for comment, but they have declined. However, in a phone conversation, it said that they have already given the Hunker the boot 1 He added that few of thei UPGPP had and that they could be compared with the SCBC (Someone Could of But Couldn't) and that they must be abolished. The motion was defeated, however, because everyone agreed with the rest of the campus, that the organization was pre-destined to derail it self. It was added by Pete Win terhausener (IFC Treasurer) that all should be wary of any group which is run by a few with mast promises which look nice but are not the views of the majority of their party of which there is none officially yet however. At this point in the meet ing. Meek Week hondo, As pirant Shortquist who came to the meeting out of his mind, again, suggested that the Greek houses fraternize like the Phi Gamma Gimmies and the Alpha Toes Omungas did last Saturday, and that tbey later tramp through the campus and paint P1XI signs. since Dr. Raus wouldn t do anything anyway. This, being a good idea, was defeated. It was then moved that Dr. Raus be censured for not be ing firm on the PIXI issue. This mention, being a g e d one, too, was als defeated. There being further busi ness, the meeting was ad journed to Duffy's for a round on the board. Jr. InterFrat Club Chases Pigeons Great Scott, president of Jr. Interfrat Club (IFC), said to day that the Jr. IFC next year should do an even better job with their work project Scott announced that the work project for next year will be either painting the grass green around the Capi toL or maintaining a constant vigil to keep the huge flocks of pigeons out of LixiwLa. He said that this immeasur able amount of service could only result in better fraternity relations. -IIIIIUMIIIIHimimiHIUIUHHIIHIimmtlllHUIIUlMHIIIHIIIIIHIIIIIIIIHIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllMI'-J:- lIC's Support Revision Of Poison-lkhing Day By WITHERKNIFE At a Joynt meeting of the nrtahnnrcwiisip ir Tatpmi- ' Mortabourgeoisie or Materni ty Boards and THE Society the decision was arrived at by a vote of 12-12 that the Poison Itching Day Ceremo nies should be revised it was decided that since nei ther THE Society (because of drink) nor the Maternity B roads (for obvious reasons) could stand in the sun for 24i hours, the Poison Itching-Scratching Pat on the Back Ceremonies should be shortened. It was decided that Sleazy Joint should play the caril lon from 1 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. keeping him effective ly out of the action and from tackling such persons as Ray Charles, Louis Untermeyer or Dave Wohlfart. The Maternity Broads brought up as a Plum of or der that tackling and tapping was extremely outdated and not DONE anvmore some what like IFC Help, I mean Help Week. The two organizations took two steps forward, three backward and three skips; and a bop in this process j Nancy Mouth stepped on John Nylon's foot and he said Gee! John! and ran off in the di rection of the head. Anyway it would all end up as a complete, revised standard edition of the New Revised Syllabus on Top Rat Frats and Sor Lords. At this point Joseph Ecumenical Lundchuk exclaimed that tra dition and Mary Jane Mul vaney MUST be preserved. So all trotted down to the Grill and proceeded to pickle themselves. To throw all those writers of the Racing Guessing form in confusion, the MB's decid ed to tap and masaue MEN7 (as more in line with their profession) and THE Society to tackle GIRLS (as being more of an ignominious and pleasurable pleasure) This being resolved, the first meeting of THE Society and the second of the Mater nity Broads (for obvious rea sons) being adjourned the two groups resolved to blind themselves and pick those who they ran into as future members of the group (giv ing up any other process of selection as being entirely un fair and prejudiced!) WE'RE PULLING FOR YOU, PUSHER "WELL MAW, I wonder if our jn cior pusher will make Innocents?" Pinnings Purple Chick Brings Rings Despite Slush And there came to pass the Giant Purple Easter Chicken hopping down the Funny Trail, slush mush, Ugggggg! ! PINNINGS D. J. Dudson, RAM to The ta Xi-stye Sweatheart of the Year, yet to be named. Linda Jensen, Flacky Flacky Gamma to Ray Sim mons, Conservative Club. Kent Hildreth, Theta Xi Stye to the Cornhusker Beau ty Queen. Janie Tenhulzen, Kappa Alnha Phi Dplt Shaker tn In- ... . -n..u Helen Schmirer, Cornshuck er to John Bischoff, Theta Xi Stye. John Morris, Alpha Toes Omungus to Patty Knapp, Flacky Flacky Gamma. Mother Hen. Stigma Kappa to Chicken Little, Theta Cry. Don. Butt and Lally Sarson. pinned to tree while out walk ing last night. ENGAGEMENTS Aspirant Shortquist to John Nylon, has been. Four houses are engaged in a beer blast right now! I Big Man On Campus, Pi Xi to AWS Point Breaker, Red Dot. Adam Brokinridge, The House Hardin Built to Hot Lips Mame. MISMATCHES Vicki Cullen, Gamma Phi Blah to Don Ferguson, Phi Gamma Gimmie. Nancy Miller, Alpha Climb Omega to John Nylon, Phi Delta Theta-shaker. Wendy Rogers, Chi Owl to N e a 1 e Copple, Journalism SchooL Liabilities Exceed AU Farce Assets Genie Throw, President of All University Farce, an nounced today that the or ganization is bankrupt. "Our liabilities exceed our assets," said Miss Throw. The deficit was caused, when several of the Univer sity's students joined the Charity Dona tors Union, and collected more money from the ALT board members than the board members had col lected from the students dur ing the previous fall drive. Vice-president in charge of solicitations, Car La Tortoad, was not available for com ment, but a note found on her desk read, "They can't do this to me." AUFs publicity chairman, Windy, stated that next year ALT will sponsor a TURN ABOUT, at which time, "it is hoped that everything will be J turned about." ? V.;. Y Stupid Council met again yesterday. The Council unanimously passed a motion to table two of the five proposed motions and overwhelmingly voted to postpone indefinitely the other three mo tions. Kook Chiplin moved that the meeting adjourn. Table Resolution On Abolishing NU Sieve Christemouth, repre sentative of Mute Court, rose to a roar of boos from THE Society, Mortabourgeoisie, and higher echelons, and cheers from radical fans, and pro posed the following resolution: WHEREAS: a senator friend of the University points out that there is not room for the coed and male bods in classrooms. WHEREAS: an ex-senator friend of the University ui- I f o r m s the city, state and world that the University is throughly infilitrated with communistic influences. WHEREAS: city police are playing fun and games with University students who stand up for t h e i r civilian rights and detaining them. WHEREAS: all beer-drinking University students (plus those who prefer the more sophistocated refreshment) 3-Headed Monster May Make If Yet Yearbook staff members de cided unanimously to issue the 1963 CORN'SH L'CKER, ac cording to editor, Sinthia Half twist. Previous plans called for issuing the book in install ments next fall or publication in paperback form. Due to administrative en tanglements, production was impeded. Secret Student Council meetings and interruptions by PURPLEPRINT ex-editor Upchuck Wall slowed book activities. But dedication and desire (to and for activities points, respectively) by the following sparked the book's success: ME's Rosie Danthal, who resigned as junior assis tant cartoonist for the PINK SHAFT; Mary Joe MacConney, ex-PanHoie Prexy by rotation, who organized disheveled troops into a cohesive mob after a brief stay at Lexing ton, Ky.; Jayne Tin woods man, though rejected by AWS, struggled to find a com petent ghost writer among eligiac IFC bachelors. Despite attacks from the three-headed monster, outer office staff members contin ued to write copy after find ing a Thorndike-Barnhardt high school dictionary. Attacks diminished aft er Croppy editor Helen Schmeared, fromerly of Troy, got lost in the Louve Library stacks and Merry W itherknife eloped with for IFC bossman John Nylon, taking all pictures of the Mortabourgeoisie THE Society teaparty with her. Further complications en sued when R. Nail Cripple ad- 4? 15 1 -S'-:iW;v'Tri..",-"' will soon be celebrating spring weather in the city jail with $250 fines. HEREBYbeit resolved, the Stupid Council go on rec ord as heartily endorsing the abolishment of the University. Kook Chiplin immediately moved to table the motion, Dick Wheel seconded the motion. With nodding encourage ment from the aforemen tioned power seats of omnis cient power, Dennies Christie, Tom Cotouk and Dave Smiff immediately spoke in favor of the motion to table the resolution to abolish the Uni versity. Upon voting, Dave Schlitz immediately called for a di vision of the house, and Coun cil then unanimously passed the motion to table the mo tion to abolish the University. vised and consented to ad vise and consent to . . . Poop Board demanded an investigation when Elegiac Bachelors and Booty Queens were all selected from staff members. They selected Dr. Brill as book adviser after R. Nail Cripple disappeared mys teriously and was found float ing face down in the base ment head in Burnett. Poop Board members Mo Haystack Frolick and Ornery Geearson kept Sinthia under control from office maniacs Tommie Fidgett and Count Hil breath who, when finally sub dued, had fouled up the rear. book index by playing scat ter wilh the index cards. Among special features in the long-a waited yearbook are: a section devoted to sophomore and junior candi dates for THE Society and Mortabougeoisie and their various plans for achieving their goals; inclusion of the Pi Xi's in the fraternity sec tion; dedication of the year book to athletic personal im proving team records by resigning; including pin ning and engagement an nouncements of staff mem bers; a fold-out, four-color, picture of a senior staff mem ber sacked out on the office couch, clad only in a news print bikini Initiating a new contest, the book worms allowed one El giac Bachelor or one Booty wueen candidate to eaca house with more than half its members on social proba tion, with an additional can didate for each known Pi XI or red dot in membership. The senior staff made its only executive decision when it ruled TNE's out of the con test. Com rod Mao-Tso Is June Speaker It was revealed today from the office of Chancellor Piff Hardin, that Mao-Tse-Tung has accepted the University's invitation to speak et the June commencement. .. Mao-Tse, a well-k sovn world figure, is the autho- -f such momentous books is, "While Capitalism Sleeps," "Guerilla Warfare for the Be ginner," and "Comrade Goose Rhymes." In his acceptance" " letter, Mao stated that China isn't having a famine. ' "All yoa have to do, is lock at my fun, wrinkle free face," he said Commenting on this state ment, however, sophomore physics student, Jeremiah Clodfoot, said that "pressure is always perpendicular to the surface of the ccatainer." s. s ." r i. s ! - r r t .