Page 2
They're Behind Us
Friends
IN THE midst of the University
budget hassle in the State Legislature,
it is comforting to know that the Uni
versity of Nebraska has the support of
some prominent Nebraska citizens.
Members of the newly-formed
"Friends of the University" organisation
state that their purpose will be to give
the people of the State an understand
ing of their University, its needs and its
purposes. They feel that they should
form a long range program with all the
facts on the table, because, when people
are property informed, the University
can get the support it needs.
WE'RE DELIGHTED that someone is
But NU Students
SCOFF: Inside Into on
CMTM-I NOTE: k
akaa aaaat Mm atrlka wok."
nn the rirfwritr MImniUI
tVOaVT TOWEB la.rarta. f Pr.
Mwta Earn?' article. "Wae M
. IT WAS late in the fall
of 1953, that fateful year
vhen there was no Uni
versity budget because
the appropriation bill was
signed by the wrong gov
ernor, as it turned out
No budget, no enroll
ment forms, no students.
Plenty of time to clean
out the files.
Over in Murphy Hall
they ran onto a few fold
ers in a box alongside
the coffee dispenser. The
box was marked "Office
of the Board of Publica
tions." And since John
Paviik had been gradu
ated with suitable honors
and there was no new
board president, the box
was brought to the office
of the chairman of the
Senate Committee on
Studeotless Affairs.
WELL, ONE folder
was marked "Revised
Rales for Ivory Tower
Fiction Contest." Another
was labeled "Minutes of
the Meetings held with
out Daily Reporter Pres
ent The "Memos from
SAB folder had three
letters tat it Jnst the
crinkled mementos of an
eventful year.
But flat on the bottom
of the box was another
folder. On its tab was the
simple legend: "SCOFF."
Inside was the constitu-
.
group, the Student Com
mittee to Offend Friend
less Faculty. Life never
has been the same since
this folder passed among
faculty hands.
THERE WAS nothing
really new in the consti
tution, or even in the by
laws of SCOFF. Every
plan of action, every sug
gestion, every plot rang
a bell of remembrance in
some professional mind.
It was Just seeing them
all nestling together in
one document, signed by
15 charter members who
always had been regard
ed as Friends of fha Fac
ulty, that caused the fac
ulty to institute a study
committee daring the
Year of No Budget Aft
er that no SCOFF4ike
trick could work again.
SCOFF was clever, all
right. It warned its mem
bers not to poll them
selves behind the S-ball
witb a professor by
walking bristly into his
ffk sd saying:
TLL HAVE to miss
your lecture this after
noon, Mr. Chips. Are yon
going to say anything im
portant?" Strangely 2 n o u g h,
SCOFF added, several
students insist on cutting
their throats with old
man Chips this way ev
ery year. It is the best
way of all to offend a
professor but let some
student you dent like do
It.
ITS BETTER, SCOFF
advised, tt needle one of
Daily Nebraskan
SEVENTY-SECOND YEAH OF
PUBLICATION
Telephone 1774711, est 2588, 2581, 2590
Member Associated Collegiate Press, International
Press Eepresestative, National Advertising Service, In
cerBorsted. Published at: Room El, Student Union, Lin
eels I, Nebraska.
waaa c mini Im awtlaa, sartasi Mi a aaa w mMm a Uvula.
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mm tvrtat Aaraat a tliiaiiaa af Mat Oatraniltr Wrtraaka anlar Mia aa
tiwrlaaiHH, m fc. Ommlur aa tUoOial Attain aa aa anarsaalm af auiatart
aafwwa. Pvtllmaa ipmr w awMUMIaa at taa aahoamuiltun aa Slaaaat Faa
Immmm akcll aa traa trim adtwrial canaanM aa lac aM at tfcr IkibKammHfaw
r aa ha an at aa a"a aataia Iha Uairanlty. Tfoa rnmam at law Daily
fc'ftr mm ttP art aaraaaallr raaamialMr tar wfeat 4aar aar ar aa. ar rami
la aa ttaaat, paaraarr IM
Bl'ttlNKMS STAFF
ftuuiuassi IMamaif si . , Jolts Ssftlttsavw
Amnnr BniMM atougtara Bill Gauhnkn, ftefc "mm, Peter Lave
ClrvutmHnm Mnaafir .... ,. jy Qr4h
i
-a. f ' ft
EDITORIAL
of the University
your TV professors who
wont know who you are
anyway. If yon are a co
ed, sidle up to him and
say:
"Are you really Mr.
Chips? Gee, you look
SO much younger on
TV ... "
SCOFF ESTIMATED
this will make Chips feel
like a coed's grandfather.
Of course, if you are
male, you can pull a
switch and drive him to
the makeup box by say
ing: "Gee, Mr. Chips! You
sore look older oi TV."
SOME OF the profes
sors who saw the folder
felt that some of
SCOFF'S suggestions for
such individual needling
were quite juvenile. Like
waiting outside his office
until Chips has a caller,
a telephone call, and an
unfinished page in his
typewriter before break
ing with a "Sign this
Upper Division folder in
triplicate right now" re
quest Or unobtrusively
picking up this folder of
lecture notes from that
153 course, along with
your folder. Or asking
him three hours after the
midterm how the grade
curve came out.
As for the section on
apple - polishing, there
was nothing new in it at
all. Yawns, just yawns,
down faculty row.
WHAT SCOFF had
done, to cause a year of
faculty committee meet
ings, was to lay down
seme simple rales for
groop activities. Someone
had taken a psych
coarse, evidently. Or else
be had persuaded an ed
psych professor (this the
ory was closely checked,
bat the traQ led ever
near Eddy Hall and e
was lest) to spCI some
evD ideas. It was hard to
believe students eeald
have thought them an vp.
SCOFF'S records were
burned by the faculty
committee at the close of
its year of study, but the
instructions for the Stu
dent Committee to Offend
Friendless Faculty went
something like this:
"W h e n a class meets
for the first session, use
the time after-toe-professor
- dismisses - the-sta-dents
early. Organize? If
there are fewer than 20
students, take them an
into the plan. If it is a
big lecture, SCOFF
members should instruct
several select 'ring of
students.
"PROFESSOR'S JOKES
This is ai easy assign
ment Laugh listlessly at
the first few. but study
his technique. Most pro
fessors elaborately build
op to their prize jokes
which have scored suc
cesses for years. Wait for
a choice one, the let
SCOFF strike, with puz
zled faces, no laughter,
and some annoyed rus
tling of notebook leaves
.Mlftw AMciaMB
Thursday, March 21, 1963
thinking positively cf the University. We
feel that the new organization, which
grew out of the Board of Regents, will
be able to serve a much-needed func
tionthat of proving to the Nebraska
citizenry that the University and its pro
grams are responsible for and can in
sure the future of Nebraska.
And, without a positive approach
and the realization that expansion is
needed for the future, the University can
not survive.
FINALLY, WE have interested sup
porters who are assuming the responsi
bility for making ours a greater Univer
sity. Yes, we have some friends!
Student Hecklers
"(let's get on with the
lecture, Chips".) Repeat
the maneuver three or
four times. Chips will be
so shaken he will be pat
ty in yoar hands for the
rest of the semester. He
will eve r-compensate
with high grades, in his
effort to regain student
favor. But dont laugh at
even his final joke of the
semester. Leave him
quivering for the next
class.
"EAVESDROPPING
Professors wonder what
students really are think
ing. Arrange a situation
so that Chips apparently
can eavesdrop on a four-or-f
i v e-student-conversa-t
i o n outside his class
. room. Everybody talk at
once so he can't really
hear anything. Then ev
erybody nudge each oth
er, look at Chips, and
stop in mid-sentence. He
will worry about it the
rest of the semester.
"CLASS LAUGHTER
Post a spy down the hall
who win warn the class
when Chips mounts the
stairs. Start the class
shouting, laughing, and
gleefully talking. Really
churn it up. Chips will
hear it commg down the
halL and begin to smile
himself. When he steps
into the room, everybody
shut off the faucet Have
people glance at him
with some embarrass
ment and take their
seats. He will probably
let the class go early. He
might even retire early.
"PROFESSOR LVTE
Dont jost sit there. Send
a committee down to his
department chairman's
office to inquire about
where Mr. Chips is. The
lower in rank be is, the
more effective (his wOl
be.
"CLOSED ORCUIT
TELEPHONES Dont
just let these sit idle. Ev
erytime Chips flubs on
TV grab the phone and
ask him to repeat what
he said. Chips wont
know who you are. Have
SCOFF pledges look up
references which contra
dict what Chips said last
time and put in cans ear
ly in the next lecture cit
ing your evidence.
"EDGE OF THE SEAT
An age-old game, but
especially good in lung
hour classes. SCOFF
members sit in two front
rows, and lean forward
for the final 10 minutes
of the lecture, notebooks
half -c 1 o s e d, ready to
spring at the sound of
the ben. He win quit a
little early.
"MASS HYSTERIA
This Is the reverse of
"Professor Jokes." Goes
best in big lecture halli.
Scatter SCOFPs earefai-
ly organized 'tings' of
stadeats around the
room. At ff:47 one group
begins to langh jnst as
Chips finishes Point 2 of
a 7-Point lecture. Other
groups join in at 9:47.2,
9:474, 9:48 and 9:48.2.
Get that howling langb
ter sound to it Chips win
wonder what he could
possibly have said. Dont
stop laughing until he
readjusts all his clothing
to make certain tt Isn't
that ,..
You see what made the
chairman of the Senate
Committee ?" Studentless
Affairs take the SCOFF
folder to the Office of the
Dean of No Students. He
never told anyone that a
former student named
Paviik was owner cf the
box which had contained
it He tore off the names
of the 15 charter mem
bers so they wouldn't end
up before the AU Univer-
, . . Which
T IV VII
fTaa Mfctwta aaffRlilaaa art Ulna tnra
tb Dkttmarr tt Wit, WMm. twt
aura.
BUDGETTmathemat-
ical confirmation of your
suspicions.
BUSINESS ECONOMY
A reduction in some
other employee's salary.
CALENDAR Some
thing that goes in e n e
year and out the other.
CANDIDATE -A man
who stands for what he
thmks the people will fall
for.
CANOE An object
that acts like a small
boy; it behaves better
when paddled from the
rear
CAR SICKNESS -The
feeling you get when the
monthly installment
comes due.
Wouldn't Join!
s i t y Judiciary Council.
After all, many more
students had been in
volved. The faculty com
mittee estimated, after
distributing a question
naire among professors,
that there had been at
least 200 incidents of the
kind SCOFF recommend
ed. No professor, of
course, ever admitted
that one had happened in
his class.
Won't Somebody
Get Mad?
TO THE EDITOR:
Students are stupid . . .
the administration is lazy
. . . Student Council is a
joke . .., Kennedy is off
his rocker . , . Panheuen
k STILL hasn't done a
darn thing . . . drama stu
dents are finky . . . ev
efbody steals books from
the library . . . campus
politics is a mish-mash of
' balderdash an women
should be in their resi
dences by 8:30 ... the
aDily Brasnasken never
makes a mistake ,
parking on campus should
be abolished ... the sub
rosas are still around . . .
Simmons might have been
right . . . Builders is an
organization for those on
the way up . . . freshman
E n g li s h is designed to
flunk panicked stu
dents . . . nobody around
here dares to be different
Now that I've tried to
be controversial, won't
someone please get mad
and write some violent let
ters to the Daily Nebras
kan's Campus Forum?
As a reader, I'm ready
to hear some true campus
opinion. How much im
pact does original SINA
poetry have on a student's
thinking processes? Come
on, readers, let's all speak
out!
CLYDE CONTROVERSIAL
iilWtow
11
Alpha Tan Omega ij
Ye Olde Tyrame
Storie Booke Balle
March 22, 1963 1
Entertainment furnished by M
the VELAIRES I
r
u
EEs
fl
is
if
1 1
1 1
1 1
i 5
r -"liWMnii'nillltlMllli'llllMIMIM.limilllMIIIIIIIIIIIMIIIItmMlllimil-niMtMIIIIIIIIIIIMIirilllHltllHI'rr--
Dr. Joseph Baldwin
Wednesday night proved
himself a master en
gineer. With some 35 actors, he
managedto pull off a
pretty impressive pre
miere production of
Squirk, William W a Men's
prize-winning play which
appears to have a cast of
thousands.
The plot Involves the
"daymare" of a New York
advertising man who finds
the world turned inside
out after what he thinks
was a bomb. Traveling
through New York like a
latter-day Alice in W o n
derland, he regains what
the author wishes to say
is the "proper" sense of
values.
Overly long, "Squirk"
was, especially toward its
conclusion, rather tire
some. Because the plot
was so loosely construct
ed, there were several se
quences which seemed to
add Utile but length to
the drama.
But it is funny. At
times, it's corny, at its
best, it's hilarious At one
point, the hero is shown
in an advertising class at
Columbia, and the demon
strations of television com
mercials, particularly one
in which a coffee substi
tute is lauded on the mer
its of being "handed down
by generations of proud
Hottentots . . . prepared
by speciaUy-trained jeUy
fish," are priceless.
As the hero, Robert Hall
is uneven. At times, he
would speak his lines with
such a deadpan earnest
ness that the audience
wasn't certain as to how
they should be taken. But
he was often very good in
his portrayal of a man
lost in a labrynth of con
fused values, and the au
dience readily identified
themselves with him for
the most part
Jenise Burmood, as the
. . . Which
Means . . .
CHECKBOOK A book that
pften has an unhappy ending.
a a
LIBERALISM ... If Lib
eralism means anything, it
means complete and courag
eous devotion to the freedom
of inquiry. John Dewey
a
REFORMER . . . A m a n
who rides through a sewer in
a glass-bottomed boat.
J. J. Walker
a a
PLAGLYRISM . . . Taking
something from one man and
making it worse.
Dorothy Parker
a
MAJORITY . . . Having aU
of the fools on one side.
a a
THINKING ... The hardest
work there is, which is the
probable reason why so few
engage in it Henry Ford
I m I
o iaund
iced eye
hero's wife, was good, if
a little too saccharine. It
was a difficult part, re
quiring radical changes of
character in flash back se
quences, and on the whole,
it was handled weU.
AU the rest of the char
acters played several oth
er r o 1 e s, and t h i s was
hardly noticeable. As Mr.
Wellington, the hero's
boss, Jim Roach .was of
ten very funny. John
Guinty, University Thea-
ter's answer to Peter Us
tinov, is marvelous in his
rold as a "Staltibrator
Man" to find out what
this is, you'U have to see
the play.
As a strange brush
salesman, Patrick Keat
ing resembled a cross be
tween Ichabod Crand and
Mary Popping. Gary Gue,
was a real scene-stealer
as Dr. Schmalhaus, the
psychiatrist. A member
of several crowds, Celia
Pincus stood out. Oh yes
there is this beautiful
blonde girl with legs
whom you'U have to s e e
to believe.
It's very encouraging to
(Author of "I Wat
Lot$ of
MrlMlHXl HOPE VOt) 50rp(DNYMAKTHHWO(?fiiU.!
REALIZE HO0 THAT OOESNT MEAN THE 0)i3f?LC
frfAPPOi.STED MJM KOWINSTOAM END DOES IT?
MARKING ON THE CURVE AND WHAT
TO DO ABOUT IT
Twonkey Crimscot was a professor. Cheat tngafoos was a
sophomore. Twonker Crimseott was kesn, cold, brilliant
Choate Sigafoos was loose, vague, adenoidal. Twonkey Cnm
soott believed in diligence, discipline, and marking on the curve.
Choate Sifiafoos believed in elves, Julie Iwdon, and tnirtfen
hours of deep each night.
Yet there came a time when Twonkey Cnmscott-nientor,
sage, and savant was thoroughly outthought, outfoxed, out
maneuvered, utployed, and outwitted by Choate Sigafoos,
sophomore.
y)iL aw M lac&b
It happened one day when Cboate was at tiie library studying -for
one of yir. Crimscott's exams in aockdoey. Mr. Crimscott f
eKaoM were murder plain, flat murder. They consisted of one
hundred questions, each question having four possible answers
A, B, C, and D. You had to check the correct answer, but
trouble was that the four choice were so subtly shaded,
intricately worded, that students more clever by far than Choato
Rpifof were often set to pblxrinp.
So on this day Choate sat in the library poring over hi,
sociology text, hi tiny brow furrowed with concentration, while
ali around him sat the other members of the sociology class,
every one studying like crary, every one scared and paty.
Choate looked sadly at their stricken faces. "What a waste!"
be taught. "All this youth, this verve, this bounce, chained in
mustv book in a mustv library! We should be out sinping and
dancirig and cutting didoes on the greenrward ! Instead w
are here."
Then, suddenly, an absolute gaaser of an idea hit Choate.
"listen V be shouted to his classmates. "Tomorrow when we
take the exam, let' all every one of us check Choice 'A' oa
every question very one of them."
"Huh?" said his class-mate.
"Oh, I know that Choice 'A' can't be the richt auxwer to
every quejetion,'1 said Choate. "But what the difference? Mr.
Crimscott marks on the curve. If we all check the same an
swers, thea we all get the same score, and everybody in the class
gets a CV
"Hmm," said Lis clawimates.
4iSo why should we knock ourselves out studying?" said
CI mate. "Let' get out of here and have a ball V
So they all ran out and lit Marlboro Cigarettes and Lad a
ball, as indeed, you will too when you light a Marlboro, for if
there ever u a cigarette to lift the spirit and gladden the
heart, to dispel the shades of night, to knot up the ravelled
aleeve of care, to put spring in your gait and roses in your
cheeks, it is filtered Marlboro firm and pure and fragrant and
filled with rich, natural, golden tohacoo. And, what's more, this
darlia' smoke comes ia soft pmkt that are actually soft and
flip-top boxes that actually flip.
Well sir, the next morning the whole class did what Cboale
said, and, sure enough, they all got "C's, and they picked Cheat
up and carried him on their shoulders and sa&g "For He's a
Jolly Good Fellow" and plied him with sweetmeat and Marl
boro and girl and put m buttons which said "I DOTE OS
CHOATE."
But they were celebrating too soon. Beciune the next time
lirewd old Mr. Crimscott gave them a test, he did not give
them one hundred multiple choice questions. He only gave
them one question - to wit: write a 30,000 ward essay oa
"Crime Does Not Pay."
"You and your ideas," they said to Choate and tore off his
epaulets and broke his sword and drummed him out oi the
schooL Today, a broken man, he earns a Jiving as a camshaft
in Toledo. a iim ll n-m
At tkt top of the curve of amoking pleasure, gnu'U 6nA
Mmrlboro CigmrrtteH. eiwiiabic f eperjr tobacco counter MS .
txU tftg Statu 1 tkt Union.
by suscm Stanley
learn that a large num
ber of the people who did
so weU in the 100-odd
"Cameo" roles are fresh
men. The official term for
the scenery, I am told,
is "expressionistic" ex
pressing the mood of the
so weU in the lOO-o d d
"Cameo" roles are fresh
men. The official term for
the scenery, I am told,
is "expressionistic" ex
pressing the mood of the
play. No matter what it
is called, it is weird andi
very effective, being more
than an innocuous back
ground. Lights and music
were very well-handled,
and the technical aspects
of "Squirk" were fine,
very fine.
"Squirk" is uneven and
long; the acting is uneven,
reflecting in part certain
inadaquacies of the script.
But it is a good produc
tion, and both its virtues
and its vices lie in those
of the script. It's thought
provoking and funny.
What more can you
ask?
Teen-ap Duxvf," "Tkt Many
Dobit GOm," elc.)