WEDNESDAY; MAY 23, 1962
THE DAILY .NEBRAS KAN SCRIP
, Page 13
How Physics Made Me Virtuous . . .
''m helping to solve the
population problem . . ."
Before I studied physics, I
led a dog's life. I existed in
a sublime state of supreme
ignorance. I was virtually
non-moral. My mother told
me I should not pick up com
ic books from Safeway and
my father warned me of the
evils of drinking too mr oh
orange pop. I knew I should
never' tell lies, lose my tem
per, or exceed the speed
limit, but I restrained from
violating these "laws" only
because I feared the conse
quences punishment from
my parents or the police.
Then I took physics. My
whole life underwent a com
plete metamorphosis. No
longer do I merely fear the
consequences; I want to be
virtuous to appease my own
consience. I developed a mor
al code which gives direction
to my life. Before I make a
decision, I consider the re
sults. I am careful not to do
anything that will cause an
other person to violate the
code of society.
For example, I never push
anyone off a building from a
height of more than sixty
four feet. I computed that a
body falling from that height
reaches a velocity of approxi
mately 21.94 miles per hour.
Since the speed limits on
downtown streets are about
25 miles an hour, my vic
tims do not exceed the speed
limit. In addition I am help
ing to solve the population
problem.
As for telling lies, I need
not worry. The study of rela
tivity made me realize that
I really do not tell lies. When
a small untruth would help
a situation, I think of it rela
tive to a bigger untruth and
come to the conclusion that
it is not a lie after all. 1
find that a small untruth of
ten prevents unnecessary arg
uments. My father does not
have as much trouble with
his ulcers, either.
However, I obey my father
implicitly concerning the
orange pop. I drink grape in
stead. Even so, I . do not
overdo. Pascal's Principle
states that pressure applied
externally to a liquid Is trans
mitted equally at right angles
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to the container and is equal
on equal areas. My physics
teacher explained that if ten
pounds pressure were applied
on a one-inch diameter, cork
in a jug with a ten-inch diam
eter bottom, the total pres
sure of one hundred pounds
would push the bottom but.
Occasionally I find myself in
a situation such that pressure
is applied externally to the
pit of my stomach. Since
stomachs are hard to replace,
I keep the liquid level inside
VA OLJ? I
r
low, thus saving my parents
a superfluous expense.
My mother still has diffi
culty understanding where I
got all my comic books,
though. I tried to explain that
there is a natural attraction
between objects which is
equal to the product of their
masses "divided by the square
of the distances between
them. I am also inclined to
believe that there must be a
difference in electrical charge
between me and a comic
This book is $6.50, but if you write your name in pencil, don't mark
or dog-car the pages, and keep it perfectly clean, we'll give you $1.25
for it next semester.
Don't Let This Happen to Yoo
Sell Yoy'r
(rfcv c ; -Cs ti fen'0) 2
,1 aVmJI .Sm C
r Foods and
book, since opposite charges
attract. I guess I am expect
ing too much of my mother.
She never had physics.
Finally, I learned to con
trol my temper in the Inter
est of the welfare of man
kind. In studying the gas
laws, I learned that an in
crease in temperature In
creases the volume of a gas
or, if in a closed -container,
the pressure upon the con
tainer walls.
Everyone knows the head
Books ot
! !. I Imiam Mn1
b fall of hot air. If I became
angry, the raised temperature
would increase the pressure
in my cranium, damaging
many cells. Thus I have made
a sacrifice to avoid losing
my temper so that my grey
matter may continue to func
tion in the best interests of
mankind.
Can anyone now dispute
that physics has made me
virtuous?
By Shari Cotton
S3
JswaWfcaai
no" j cm xtenmoa 111.
