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The Pink Rag
Tuesday, April. 4, 1961
GLOTC, Phlexlax Drill Competition
Boasts Gmig-Ho Mall Participants
womomea- CLOTC depart
ment Phlexlax drill competi
tion began this week on the
Mali y .'
The units, in connection
with their annual Pushing Ri
fle, initiation, pitched tents in
rdr to remain close for what
Cadet Commandanta Donald
Duck termed, "Their finest
hour." .
Air Force cadet leader Bill
Airs and Navy ROTC big gun
ner Popeye Nbltnut described
the preparation for the com
ing drill as "a wonderful ex
perience." They further com
mented (in unison) "Your
left, your right, . your left.
Your left, your right, your. . .
uh., your foot there."
Interest was reportedly
high, and competition keen as
the cadets awoke at four in
the morning to fall out for fall
out.
Many comments of approv
al were heard, and for the
most part, the cadets seemed
to think they were really do
ing something big.
Several horses were seen in
formation with the cadets,
and when asked their opinions
concerning the event, one re
plied, "I think it is a fine
thing. It is a valuable experi
ence for someone like me,
and really offers an opportun
ity to experience military life
in the fullest extent. It's a
good deal, yaahh, a real good
deal. What is it anyway? '
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SNAKE -EYES
Chancellor Piff Hardnose posted a copy
of this familiar badge in all police and
sherrif's offices within a 100 mile radius
of Lincoln in order to find the owners of
said symbol. Word of this action reached
students vacationing in Florida, and a
small protest demonstration was held.
Word has it that a similiar riot is being
planned by a local group on campus, the
Candy Ankles, for Tuesday evening in pro
test also, but that the ammunition they had
stored for the event was discovered under
the old Administration building during vacation.
Gallery Diggers Head For China
The construction workers of
the Sheldon Art Gallery have
taken it upon themselves to
start a new project.
The workers released this
exclusive plan to the Daily
Worker, today. The plan to
be in effect as soon as possible
is to continue digging into the
earth to reach China.
. They said that it had always
been their desire to, find
China, the hard way. An in
formed source told the work
ers that since they had al
ready gone down into the
earth so far, they might as
well continue.
The construction workers
promised to release to the
Daily worker a day by day
account of the digging. The
'Lonesome Queen
The University Wallflow
er Association (UWA) an
nounces that tomorrow will
be the last day to sign for
the Lonesmone Queen Con
test. Any of the few coeds
hat have not been elected
as a campus queen may en
ter the contest.
Applications may be
picked up at 303 Suede Jac
ket Hall.
spokesman for the group said
that they intended to reach
the ancient Asian land some
time in the middle of December.
You're a natural wonder in
HALF- BELT
CLUB SLACKS
5r '
LAOS, HERE WE COME
A combined CLOTC department repre
Z sentaSon is pictured as they prepare for
the annual Phlexlax competition on the
Mall. (Story below.)
Henrymeier 9s 'Pinky ' Mug
Starts Student Flitting
Dean Henrymeier has been
seen several times already
siftce spring vacation ' termi
nated . (with ' - big clump)
sclbbling about Teachers Col
lege on those coffee breaks
fif his- with the beer mug
tebeled 'Pinky" tucked un
der his suit coat.
This phenomenon ist
Susie Soonsunjf was put into
action U flit after, Henry-
meier that is. Ancie Antbush
was sent to flit after Bnnzee,
the mug, Henrymeier and
Susie. The whole thing has
turned into one big scibble
flit. As a result Teachers Col-
scarcelv worth mentioning ex-Ifgf has lost three of its
. cent for the freauencv with!best students and the strange
which he has been scibblifeg
these past two days. Some
thing is up. The worn condi
tion of Ms tennies also is in
dicative of the intensity of his
actions.'
A closer inspection f his
usually impeccable attire re
vealed that the Pi Xi's insig
nia painted on his blue jeans
had become faintly worn and
bis black shirt bad a button
missing. Henrymeier has be
come so wrapped up with
something or someone . . ,
no, with something, that he
has neglected his aUire for
the past two days.
When it comes to rooting
around and grubbing up news,
Teachers College students are
the greatest . . almost. They
erubbed around. They sidled
up to "him in the crib, setting
thea not fudge sunaaes next
to his on a table as a friendly
gesture and tried to engage
him in conversation. He
wouldn't engage. Desperate
action was -called for.
InzelJtmzee Smith, famous
among teaching circles for her
ability to grub around and
dig -out the latest dirt about
everyone and everything in
the .big T 'college was called
Ma service. Little Bunzee
caught on immediately.
"Cbure lH trap Henrymeier
and. find up what that cute
hi -rascal is tip to."
Fast Work
Eunzee went swiftly to
work. She was seen flitting
after Henrymeier on several
occasions when he scibbled
about the hallowed halls, ac
companied by his "Pink y"
mup. Henrymeier continued to
sell Lie, Bunzee continued her
fiittitrg.
Bunzee, the mug and Henry
meier have been seen less
and less, recently. And
strange noises began to arise
from the basement of Teach
ers College. Further action
was -videntally caned for
and ";
noises arising from the base
ment of Teachers College
have increased in intensity.
Could it be that a new
course is about to be born
and introduced into the cur
riculum of Teachers College?
Is the rumor true that next
year's schedule books will
announce to gleeful young
freshmen entering teachers
college a course in Scibble
flitting, taught by Henry
meier ( accompanied by vari
ous girl assistants) with the
only prerequisite required be
ing the ownership of a mug
labelled ""Pinky."
Super Scooper Snoops,
Reveals Spring Speakers
Sterling Candidates Fume
While Triumvirate Hassle
The University's Sterling
Candidate organization head
ed by the red devil badge tri
umvirate of Low Temper, Apt
Tpbe Inept and Blowhard
Hoern engaged in a heated
debate recently concerning
the definition of a social func
tion. Dillan ConmeQ, a resident
of Silly Cloddangle, protested
against the wording of a defi
nition of a function (social)
which was presented to the
Sterling Candidate club by the
Administration. Canmell
claimed the definition was too
vague and "doesn't answer
my questions," particularly
concerning after-pinning func-;
tions and joint rat parties. 1
riowever, Inept took the
floor and very calmly ex
plained that "after all, the
Administration went to a lot
of work consulting dictiona
ries and research manuals at
tempting to give the Candi
date group the definition they
requested and the least the
Candidates could do would be
to endorse the definition."
He continued that the defi
nition, if ac pted, would
only become the accepted pol
icy of the campus inhabitants
and therefore wouldn't effect
anyone because campus in
habitants observe only unac
ceptable policy anyhow.
Hoern of Information
Not to be outdone, Hoern
immedaitely countered Inept's
statements with the comment,
"This is not necessarily true.
If you would like more infor
mation on the subject I'll be
glad to explain it to you all."
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However, in answer to a
question directed to Hoern
from the floor his reply was,
"I'm sorry, I don't seem to
have that information here be
fore me at the time but I'll
be more than happy to check
and report next week"
During the haggling between
these two triumvirate mem
bers the rest of the Sterling
Candidates were discussing a
subject of utmost importance
to the mall the weather.
All that is except Mick
Mikeroy, chairman of the so
cial committee which brought
the daffynition before the
group. Mikeroy's excited com
ment was, "You've done it
again! I've told you once if
I've told you a thousand
times, we Candidates cannot
allow ourselves to lose sight
of the tree because of the for-
rest even if the tree is on the
other side." .
Darn Trees
MiKeroy tended to agree
with Inept that the Canddiates
choir crashing to the floor and
should endorse the definition.
His closing comment was,
"Gosh darn trees, sharpen
your axes candidates, our
time is coming!"
Pill Ronson, who had been
snoozing quietly, brought his
called for the question.
Low Temper quickly con
sulted bis parliamentary pro
cedure book and with the as
sistance of Inept and Hoern
came to the conclusion that
the call for the question re
quired a vote on the motion.
After awakening the Candi
dates by pounding his star
studded gavel, Temper asked
for a Boy Scout vote. The Can
didates response was defintie
and enthusiastic with five vot
ing for the adoption of the
definition, seven voting
against and 15 not voting
(Temper failed to rap his gav
el loud enough.)
At the suggestion of Candi
date Lord Plumm, the defi
nition was returned to Mike
roy's committee for further
consideration.
Once again Ronson brought
his chair to the floor with a
bang, commanding more at
tention than Temper's gavel,
and moved for adjournment.
The Triumviate consulted
the parliamentary procedure
book and noted a second to
the motion was necessary.
However, the Candidates had
already formed the chain for
mation for their official ritual
of dismissal.
In our efforts to bring you,
tne students, more gossip,
scandal and just plain smut.
we offer the first of several
weekly columns to be known
as Super-Duper-Pooper-Scoop-
er.
The student social commit
tee has announced the forth-
withcoming spring schedule of
eminent speakers. On Satur
day, April 8, Dr. Faustus of
Heidelberg University will ad
dress the student body in a
compulsory convocation at
Memorial Stadium.
The topic of his speech will
be "'Rickets and Its Preven
tion in the Common Field
Mouse." Other coming attrac
tions (compulsory) will in
clude President Jack Ken
nedy and his daughter Care
line'; Dr. Werhner Von Braun
will be featured in "A Dis
cussion f Electro - Plasmic
Transmutation of Solar Res
onances and the Application
of Astrophysics w ith regard to
Extra-Spacial Migration."
In May the Annual Poets
Roundup will be held at the
Union Lynching Set
The Student Union decor
ation committee bas asked
that all members of the
committee attend an emerg
ency meeting at 3:45 today
to begin readying the Christ
mas decorations for the
"'Hanging Party' 'scheduled
for this Friday.
University. This roundup will
include such famous bards as
Robert Frost, Carl Sandburg,
and William Carlos Williams,
Dylan Thomas and Walt Whit
man will attend posthumor
ously. In the area of student-faculty
relationships, numerous
professors have proposed a
weekly study session to be
held in the faculty homes. The
purpose of these sessions will
be to engender a more posi
tive attitude of student to pro
fessor and vice versa.
One professor is quoted as
having said "To be or not to
be, that is the question" and
in addition "'We intend to re
vive Latin, Greek and Hebrew ;
as languages of informal student-professor
discussions."
This renaissance of learning
is viewed by recent alumni as
the University's greatest con
tribution to humanitv. The
success, of course, will de
pend entirely on the continued
;toic attitude of the student
body.
This edition of the Daily
Worker will be its last as
such. This is in accordance
with the final edict of the Stu
dent Inquisition, April 11,
1961.
LITTLE MAN ON CAMPUS
Here' the last word in slim-cut,
natural -look slacks that give you
all the advantages of a belt wiili
bch less comfort. Double-dart tai
loring in back assures snug, con
tour fit. Half-belt sparkles ftiili
handsome interlocking coin buckle.
Be a charter memler in "Club," the
smartest slacks you've ever worul
Old Workers Never Die
They Just Turn Pink J
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TSSHfittt i: t
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tmmpus ttore;
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mnt wonderful
Bclertton of
washable mil.
cotton latmc
and automatic
vmshend-wer
Duron poly
etter bUndt...
t9S to $S3i.
Backside
(Continued from Page 2)
boats, to a "'nigger." As
Huck slates:
"Picks is the thing,
moral or no moral; and
as for me, I don't care
shucks for the morality of
it. nohow. When 1 start in
to steal a nigger, or a
watermelon, or a Sunday
school book, I airnt no
ways particular how it's
done so it's done. What I
want is my nigger; or
what I want is my wa
termelon; or what I want
is my Sunday-school book;
and if a pick's the handi
est thing, that's the thing
I'm a-going to dig that
nigger or that watermelon
or that Sunday-school
book out with; and I don't
give a dead rat what the
authorities thinks about it
nuther."
In other words, children,
take what you want; any
way you can get it.
Twain even explained in
great detail just how to
form a gang devoted to the
evil purposes -of "'robbery
and killing." Twain shows
how the individual of a low
I.Q. 'such as Huckleberry
Finn" can be used as an
instrument of the gang lead
er, Tom Sawyer. Tom Saw
yer's Gang demanded that
"'everybody that wants to
join has got to take an
oath, and write his name in
blood." The Gang utilized
the cross as the "sign of
the band.' Many of t h e
gangs in the United States
today utilize similar oaths
and signs. "The Adventures
of Huck Finn" has appar
ently already done damage
in corrupting the minds of
today's youth. Take, for in
stance, the TNE develop,
ment on this campus.
Although Huckleberry
Finn may be justified as
an individual because of the
unfortunate incidents of his
homelife, the book "The
Adventures of Huckleberry
Finn" justifies the rebel in
stinct in the adolescent; it
condones killing, larceny,
fraud, and disrespect to au
thority; and it makes a hero
of an evil individual.
LUCKY STRIKE PRESENTS:
OR. FROOO'S THOUGHT f OR THI OAV: In College, It
isn't who you know that counts it's uhom.
Dear Or. Frood: I just can't seem to
get in step with the rest of the students
here. They enjoy parties, dancing, folk
singing and dating. None of these
things interest me at all. Am I behind
the times or what?
Left Out
DEAR LEFT: You're in the right timet;
you're just one of our squares.
Dear Dr. Frood: I hae a confession.
All my life 1 have been trying to
learn how to whistle. 1 just can't.
Please, will you tell me how to
whistle?
Puckered
DEAR PUCKERED: Watch the birds.
Notice how they gather a pocket of
air deep within the breast, then
push thin jets of this air into the
throat, through the larynx, up and
around the curled tongue, and then
bounce the air from the roof of the
mouth out through the teeth (which
act like the keyboard on a piano).
Practice this. In no time your
friends will be amazed at the beau
.tiful, warbly trills that flow from
your beak.
Dear Dr. Frood: What do you think ac
counts for the fact that college stu
dents tmoke more Luckies than any
other Tegular?
Marketing Student
DEAR MS: Collegiate Lucky smokers.
Dear Dr. Frood: Hamlet killed Polo
nius. Macbeth stabbed Duncan.
Richard murdered his little neph
ews. Othello strangled Desdemona,
and Titus served Tamora her two
sons in a pie before killing her.Don't
you think this obsession with vio
lence would make an excellent sub
ject for a term paper?
English Major
DEAR ENGLISH: No, i don't, and my
advice to you is to stop running
around with that crowd.
U' c i c R f 1 t
Dear Dr. Frood: My coach is writing this letter
for me because i am illiterate. We want to
know if 3 got to learn how to read to get into
college, 1 am the best football player in the
state.
DEAR X: Every college today will insist that
you meet certain basic entrance requirements.
I'm afraid you're just out of luck, X, unless
you learn how to read diagrams and count to
eleven.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE FLOOD? Most students today live a carefree, devil-may-care
existence-buying their Luckies day to day. Only a handful have had the good sense to set
aside an emergency cache of three or four Lucky cartons, wrapped in oilskin. When the dam
breaks they'll be ready. Will you?
CHANGE TO LUCKIES and get some tasfe for a change!
Product of & J&utium Jo&m&yMvy -iX&m, j
CA- T.Cn
is our middle name