Page 4
The Daily Trashkan
Friday, April 1, 19dh
On the Antisocial Side:
Not Enough Booze
To Prompt Pin-Giving
Not many of them engage
ments this week. Either the
boys thoughts haven't
changed yet or they haven't
been drinking enough to make
more than a rash, "We'll go
steady" type promise.
Pinnings
Jim Raschke pinned Ralph
of Missouri's Quadrangle in
57:.
Susie Frosh got pinned to
Eddie Active 'cause all her
friends were doing it.
Rebecca Jones, who is the
If - W ' I
jHr i
l IIHimB II. I j ... J:
Hardwin and Snide
Cooperation
Encouraged
Gunsellor Stifford Hardwin
and Dean Snide conferred yes
terday for more than two
hours on methods of improv
ing relations between the Min
istration staff and the faculty.
Dean Snide said she felt
that the basic shortcoming in
present relations is a lack of
a spirit of cooperation.
"If each of us would endeav
or to cooperate just a little
more, this would be a much
more pleasant place to work."
Hardwin seconded the comments.
v
i
NU SPIRIT FOL"ND In
vestigations of complaints
of a night prowler on
campus has led to the
discovery of the oldest
student. Norwood L. May
foose, III, was the fif
teenth student to enroll
In the Unifarcity. He was
a notorious playboy and
attended the college 64
years without getting a
degree when he suddenly
died. However, JVlayfoose
now reports mat he
couldn't get into heaven
or hell without college
degree and ruefully re
turned to finish.
only freshman to have her
name in this column three
straight weeks, grabbed num
ber five for the year and if
they are still together next
week we will run his name.
Don Allan and Alice Smith
got pinned to a tree by a
truck : while they were out
there walking last night.
Engagements
Dave Wilson got a convert
ible and an engagement all
the same day. Some girl
should tell this Un-Ivy fresh
men, Jane Roberts, that pin
ned would have the same ef
fect. Them senior girls that ain't
engaged had better hurry.
Four houses is engaged in
a beer blast right now.
So whatever you do go out
and get engaged in something
tonight because if you do you
will make the news somehow.
Why Dolts
Teadrink
Like Mad
Salem Weighed
Presents Trophy
Whv Doltee Why was
named as the recipient of the
Awful Teadrinkers Hell Week
trophy.
Salem Weighed, Awful
Teadrinker president that the
award was made to the Why
Doltee Why because they
raised more hell than any
other Unifarcity fraternity.
The Why Doltee Why Hell
Week began at the D.B.&G.
with destructive purposes in
mind. According to Weighed,
the evening was spent social
ly with a few games of leg
ball and a few winks of
srnooze.
On Tuesdav the Why Dol
tee left for the State Pencil
where the excovates were
released and replaced by the
Why Doltee Why pledges.
Dressed in black and white
strips, the pledges began
singing and rioting which
brought alarm from Unifar
city Pleasemen.
With no method of combat
ing the riot, the Pleasemen
soon mutually joined the
spirited pledges and the riot
became even bigger.
Then on Thursday the
whole group moved back to
campus where they started
a slight blaze in Andrews
Hall. They splashed water all
over Andrews Hall to quench
the fire. ti
This Why Doltee Why Hell
Week accomplished two proj
ectsbetter relations with
the Pleasemen and finally
the cooling off of Andrews
Hall.
Rhoda Doodle
Main Feature Clock
Stuart: "Home from The
Hills," 12:30, 3:15, 6:05, 8:50.
Lincoln: "Dogs of Flanders,"
1:25, 3:25, 5:25, 7:25, 9:25.
Nebraska: "War Lock," 1:11,
512, 8:13. "Compulsion." 3:15,
7:16.
Varsity: "Suddenly Last
Summer." 1:1)9, 3:12, 5:15, 7:13,
8:21.
State: "Tobie Tyler," 1:25,
3:26, 5:27, 7:28, 8:29.
Joy: "Houseboat," 7:15,
"Seven Thieves," 9:00.
84 O: 3 Stooge Comedy,
7-15. "Jumping Jack s," 8:45.
"The Great St. Louis Bank
Robbery," 7:30.
star-view: Cartoon, 7:15.
r a n n Trail. ' I 3 '
RDs Elect
R. Doodle
President
Rhoda Doodle, junior in
Home Economics, was elect
ed president of Rho Delta sor
ority Thursday night.
She succeeds Ruby Dip, who
resigned from the Unifercity
due to conflicts in her sched
ule. Motor Bods and Rho Del
ta met at the same time, and
poor Ruby could not figure out
which one to attend.
Her loyalty was pure, al
though her morals were not,
and she decided to attend
each meeting on alternating
weeks. Everything worked
well at first, but then the Mo
tor Bods lifted Ruby's perfect
attendance pin. Such an open
slap in the face could not be
endured by Ruby so she was
forced to resign.
Through the Unifercity
counseling service, however,
she obtains job as housekeep
er for one Stifford Hardwin.
Rhoda, who is also a shooter
in both organizations, has al
ready begun to take precau
tionary measures against sim
ilar misfortunes. She was
overheard in Dean Helen
Snide's office the other day
telling Dean Snide that should
the Motor Bods and Rho Delta
chapter meetings again con
flict, she will simply change
the time of the Rho Delta
meeting to coincide with the
Pie X meeting.
"We may not get too much
done in the way of current
chapter business, but think of
the money we will save," she
said. Rhoda was exhuberant
about the possibilities of also
including a few teacher hon
oraries to teach the group a
few new slides and play
ground tricks.
Only the best of the teachers
qualified to teach this group
since they must be able to ex
ecute these various antics
1 while maintaining equilibrium
at all times. This effort is nec
essary to keep the maximum
: liquid level in the mug.
: A spokesman for the other
component of the group was
not available for comment.
They were reportedly seen
last at the Zoo, where the an
imals were feeding them.
Stupid Tribulations Head Sheds Tears
Fibs Told by Students Make Court's Job More Difficult
Larry Lazier, Stupid Tribu
lations judge, recently be
moaned the fact that his court
could not complete its laison
function between the students
and the Ministration.
This was attributed to the
fact that "students have been
telling us fibs when they
come before us to tell us the
circumstances of their case."
Larry was quoted as saying,
"friend, accused and inde
pendents, lend me your han
derkerchiefs." Shed Tears
Reliable sources revealed
that Lazier, who has been
known to become overly ex
cited before, went into the
washroom of the People's
Court and shed not just a
few, but 19 great big croco
dile tears over the unbear
able situation.
Lazier only recently at
tacked students for misrepre
senting the facts of the giant
orange-ade party in Emerald.
The party was six months
ago, but Lazier has been busy
with research for his high
school diploma.
"These students deliberate
ly and knowingly prevaricated
(how do I know where he
learned a word like that?)
while presenting their side of
the story to myself and the
remaining contingent of Stu
pid Tribulations judges. We
simply cannot endure any
more of this sort of misrep
resentation of the facts." He
goes on . . .
"As a big, bad judge on
this just court, I am pained
to watch such things go on
without being able to pre
vent it. Why, one of those
little girls told me she only
drank two six-packs of beer,
court and . . ."
"Since we must submit our
constitution to the Stupid
Channel to have it amended
for more power along these
lines, it may be awhile be
fore we can gain more power
and prevent open lies from
being used as testimony by
the accused students," Lazier
stated.
He goes on . . . "I can see
no reason whatsoever for
letting students trying to ex
empt themselves from pun
ishment by the Ministration.
After all, everyone on this
campus should come up for
conduct probation at least
once during his college ca
reer so I can pretend like I
am a lawyer and really
squelch the chap."
Lazier outlined a 19 point
plan which would serve as a
guiding light to his succes
sors (hope) on the Court.
Among these, he pointed out
that students who have been
tried and found innocent
Telescopes, Binoculars
Cause Klaud Wrangle
"It's downright revolting,"
said Big T president Tom
Lookeast Thursday when
asked for comment about the
sudden outbreak of conflicts
between the "Big I's " and
the "little i's".
"We have first rights to ac
complish our objectives and
no one is going to stop us,
not even the "little i's","
Lookeast said with determi
nation in his voice.
Priority Rights
He was apparently talking
about the priority rights to
the telescopes and binocu
lars that the "Big I's" cur
rently hold.
Around 50 or 60 small skir
mishes were reported last
night throughout Sillie Klaud
rangle when members of the
opposing sides wages an all
out effort to get to the tele
scopes and binoculars.
Dean of Men Posh Halfgrin
told the Trashkan that the
"Big I's" were peacefully
watching the Girl's Dorm and
when we had Droof that she : the Awful Wee sorority (a
had consumed the total of , registered University tunc-
only eleven bottles of beer."
'Much Larger'
"Another, a male who was
certainly much larger than
I. told me that it was none
of my business and that he
was 21 and if I did not like
it I could take my funny little
tion) , as . they do every night
when a group of "little l s
suddenly charged several
"Big I's" who were using the
binoculars.
"We pay our monthly house
bills and deserve equal
rights," screamed a very
much excited dormie at the
height of the conflict.
Awful Wees
Another "little i" explained
that the whole ruckus started
when a rumor spread from
room to room saying that the
Awful Wee's were putting on
a show better than the last
one they staged just prior to
Homecoming elections.
"Nothing could be better
than that last one," Freddie
Farmer said, "but something
deep inside of me told me
that I had to get a telescope.
I guess that's the way we all
felt."
An unconfirmed report said
that tension has been build
ing among the Klaudrangle
ever since the Motor Bods
moved into the Girls' Dorm.
"Darn those older girls!
Why would they have to do
this just before mid-term
exams. Now none of us will
be able to sleep nights," the
unidentified sourse stated.
Telescopes Broken
Unifarcity Pleasemen final
ly got the ruckus under con
trol at about 2 a.m. when the
binoculars and telescopes
were broken.
Lady Chatterly, Awful Wee
house mother denied that her
girls had anything to do with
the blood bath. "My girls
could never do anything like i
that."
should be also indicted under
command by the Ministration
and come before the Court
to be fined and placed on pro
bation. These measures are
stipulated in the double jea
pordy clause of the Stupid
Tribulations.
He also stated that those
people who have been appre
hended by state or city peo
ple and released without pun
ishment in those courts must
also be subjected to the silly
harrassment of the Stupid
Tribulations in accordance
with their other double jea
pordy clause in the constitu
tion. These people are to be su
spended from the Unifarcity
since they succeeded in trick
ing the lower courts and they
must be punsihed by the court
of the Ministration, which has
all the correct answers to
everything . . . except when
a defendant lies.
Housemother Drive
AUF (All Under Fifty club)
has announced that the
Housemother Drive will be
extended until the first of
June in order that house
mothers may be driven to the
very ends of their ropes. Any
housemother under fifty may
enter the race.
Jackasses
Have 'Cooke
Dim Goose
Dim Goose, president
Young Jackasses, was i
peached yesterday by
pogrom committee.
The Goose was accused
selling memberships to
Nippon-Sitdown Club. This
a definite violation of Jal
policy.
The Goose admitted to s
ing the memberships. "A
tie friendly rivalry never h
no one. Besides with a
braskan on the ticket
chances would have pick
up. It was all some clev
strategy on our part,"
said.
The Mastodons (worship
ot extinct animals) club
fered Goose the presidency
their organization- They sa
"A friend in need is a friea
indeed. We will welcome
Jack with a need."
DANCING
Saturday Nite, Mar. 191
Suzanne and The
East Hills Quintet
Couplet Only
Adm. $1.00 En.
East Ms
70th & Sumner
For Rei. Ph. IV 8-2825
Italian Foods
2790 South St.
TRY OUR
ROSE VILLA SPECIAL
PIZZA, b SPAGHETTI.
GA 3-8390
I r 'J" 'Zfcf . w Vr STARTS TODAY
Rookie," 8:02. "Speed Crazy,"
10:45.
CAR WASH
For the Freedom Fund of the NAACP. To IMP Provide
attorney fee. and fine, for Student, arreted in lunch
counter ".it-ink'
SponMrW fcr DiKipto StiMtent ;"
Unlt.d Compw Chrirfio. fHow.h.
Sondoy 1:30 p.m. Toby Jewetf Service 14th & Q
3RD & FINAL
BIG WEEK!
ATTEND NOW-
The 1 out of 20
that didn't get smoked
III W ' i
TECHNfCoiPR
NOTE TO MOTHERS
Tobr Tyr" t highly rwmi
nwDdrtl fur rhlldrvD of mil mc.
Let tlurn Un4 the nmUnne
ftnr Mliool. Thty will enjoy lbi
Dlatiry trat, and will h hoine j
in time for dinner. I
r- - j ROBERT MITCHUM ELEANOR PARKER
I ., ' ' ' .' GH PEPPARD GEH HU
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I ' I t t I :n'! kfy I j THER0N...who
f ' t h . - V " both sons! f I was too gentle U
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JOSEPH L. v
D1UIKIEVJIGZ
,wfmow
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