Friday, April 1, 1960
Pag 2
The Daily Trashkan
Congratulations Are
Well, some mighty significant things
have been happening at the Unifarcity the
past few months. Yup, and the Daily
pashkan feels that it is appropriate to
give credit where credit is due for these
significant happenings. So, here ve go.
First of all, we cannot pass by cur old
friend, Guncellor Stifford Hardwin. Now
Stiff has done many fine things for the
Unifarcity, but none of them has been as
outstanding and courageous as realizing
that classes cannot be called oft just on
account of a little extra precipitation.
Anyone with any sense of loyalty to the
school is awars that the Guncellor was
thinking of the stupid body when he made
bis decision.
Next in line for congratulations is old
Posh himself, Dean of Boys Half grin. We
can thank Posh for keeping the boys in
line so that there ain't none of that tom
foolery like panty raids and tha. kind of
stuff. Boys have found out that they can
have lots of entertainment by doinp other
things besides panty raids. We can't think
of anything right now, but we know there's
something.
"While we're on the subject of congratu
lating the Ministration, we got to include
Dean Helen Snide (That is, if the Guncel
lor don't get jealous). It's due to Dean
Snide that the morals of the young ladies
Woods Return
By Ministration
Real Unselfish
The recent action taken by the Unifarcity
Dean of Boys Posh Halfgrin to return
the lovely recreation grounds, a wooded
area south of Lincoln; to the Unifarcity
students deserves special comment by the
Daily Trashkan.
As you recall, last spring the picnic
grounds were taken forceably from the
students in a special suit in the People's
Court. Since that time students have been
subjected to large fines and threats of
suspension for "trespassing" on the ad
ministration premises. Students have had
to pay outrageous admission prices and
have had to buy all beer from the administration-operated
store there.
The decision to give the woods Lack to
the students shows the basic unselfish na
ture of the members of the ministration,
end dispells rumors that they had taken
the area to maximize their own enjoy
ment. There is room, the Daily Trashkan
feels, for both ministration and students.
Students should remember, however,
that as the woods were once confiscated,
so again might they be. Only if the stu
dents share this haven with the ministra
tion, will they be guaranteed the use of
this privilege on a perennial basis.
From the Gutter:
Emotional Disturbances
By Clarence Clairvoyant
There is some hearsay
afoot in our campus activi
ties, and although I am de
void of factual data, I am
Willi n g to
pitch in and
attack the
devil out of
those torn
fools. When
someone has
the unmitti-
gated gall to
step in a n d
start tamper-
in with rnu& 'mu-
student gov- Clarence
ernment he is going to have
to answer to none other than
the editorial page of the Pink
Chronicle. So there answer
that.
I might add, that those scal
awags who would dare usurp
my rights fall into that cate
gory of nasty little names
which I haven't listed in my
earlier columns. Just the
other night when I went to
my activity for the first time
in two years election night
I was elected president.
Now, tot that this was not
food judgment but I no
ticed that the next meeting
aj not for another year
election day again. Now when
I'm head of the Committee
to Plan Mixers for Nebraska
V' , J
Daily Trashkan
Pretty Old
Member: Associated Underground Press - CEU-M tH , ,
Your Pants While You Wait. ., .
Representative: National Advertising mtum htaj-f
m . . . OTilrf Yrfliwr JHirnmllt Carillon Mnnw
service, Incorporated. k-oiirf vhiow Mraiit any rm
Published at: Southeast by central dun- VC """"""""."RAn
I eon, Stupid Onion, Lincoln, Nebraska r... njw.. .....
14th and R Mw.nhr.
,, m . . inns jiym Htorr T'im: Tlk rtwlllhoy. I-mmb J.rnldMn. Pea HmtTT
Telephone IIE 2-7631, ext. 4225, 4228, 4ZZ7 IJmn i. Hmaii Timber
' .... .,.....- Knmtn: Mmlth, Fany Mpitftp.. (lord fiord.
VU"r - i"h,V," Ar' J-? Jill TiiTwovid. . . v rIi. . xw.
J"W. r ( M h. I nl-rlt rf Xrtwti . Klk'man
STCmJMr wrsr.W'SSS ciTKT-':"r::::::::::::::.:r..r 5
sare rr. t rrpif,llk im what lhe my. r X4't trr ... insroio
on the campus is above that of encourag
ing panty raids and the like. Just like the
boys, the ladies have discovered that they
can have fun doing other things.
To Dean Fullup Coalburner goes the
credit for taking the emphasis off of com
peting for top organized house grade av
erages. Again, this took a great deal of
foresightedness and courage to get the
stupid body to realize that grades ain't
everything.
The RATC departments deserve a pat
on the back for their vital contribution to
the male student's college career. How is
the country ever going to have a strong
defense if we don't continue to have drill
meeting every Tuesday and Thursday in
the Elgin building. It just don't make
sense how some people could oe so narrow-minded
as to think that a student's
life is complete without knowing how to
march and salute an officer.
We aren't going to pass by the athletic
department. No, siree. All we tan say is
that if the program is to remain as sound
as it is, we are going to have to increase
the number of grants-in-aid. This way we
can get some more jocks on campus. The
Unifarcity has been sorely lacking in this
respect for too long. We are expecting
Real Orgy to do his utmost to alleviate the
situation.
Spirit? Growl
Has Only
Good Kind
Rah, rah, shish bloom blah! There go
the lear leaders out onto the field to con
duct the I Ate a Flies and all others inter
ested in local spirits, including the green
kind found at the Growl on Swedish holi
days. The I Flies, holders of a small local
monopoly on bouncie red tennies, have
announced their plan to introduce a new
fight song on campus entitled, "Look Out
for the I Fly Dart." Along with this song
will be designed a new lear guaranteed to
stop all onrushing opponents dead in their
tracks.
The question arises, however, it it in
accordance with the capitalistic policies
of this Unifarcity to allow a monopoly to
infringe on its previous policies ot mere
monopolistic competition, i.e. instead of
three, only a pair of Awful Old Poops, a
pair of Kites and a pair of Sigma Awful
Mormons.
What we need hereabouts is a commune
system. Let every student leam to lead
his own lears. On to the field E"ERY
OXE! A team for all and all for the team.
Let the I Flies find some other target for
their darts. Spirits should be green and
come out of a keg instead of red tennies,
anyway. To the Growl . . .
College students before Presi-
dential Inaugurations I want
to get something done, by
golly, especially since there
is an Inauguration coming up.
If that isn't something I'm
out in left field.
Now that I have dispensed
with that subject in good
order, I shall go on to greater
and much broader horizons,
like how things are going in
general. I went to the IF Ball
te other night it was SIM
PLY. Colassal, band, biggest
dance hall in town, and ex
pensive WOW I don't
know couldn't make it, but
I'm willing to listen to any
body who did because I'd
love to write about it.
By the way do you know
anyone who is going to Wash
ington for the inauguration?
My committee is getting up
a rather small group to go
this year. So, if you see some
fellow students down at the
polls just say, "Hey, want to
go to Washington?" Our group
is awfully small, and I'd like
to stir up some enthusiasm.
Saw the best late movie the
other night, one of the Mans
field series, you would have
loved it. Acting? Don't ask
me about acting. You've seen
her do her stuff before, and
in Order
brother, who needs it. Good
hair styling too.
Weut on that note of con.
ciUSi0n I had better conclude
You know me. After so long
start to ramble just a little.
Just one more thing.
One Unifarcity student has
done the seemingly impos
sible :
No, he hasn't gotten a 9
average (how could he, he
hasn't time to go to classes),
but has been elected presi
dent of every organization on
campus.
Sky Ciipstrip is not only
president of the Innner Fools
Channel, but of every indi
vidual fraternity and soror
ity, Awful Girlie Students,
Rassels, Old Reactionaries,
Old Socialists, Pixon-Nothing
Club, Panhungaric, etc., etc.
Also, he has been elected
most unideal coed, is presi
dent of Motor Boat and is
up for Cornshuckler Ugly
Queen.
Yes, Sky Ciipstrip is really
busy, and that's why he
hasn't 'got time to go to
classes.
mocmp
ViMTrrt- apjaaJMfc I
I THOUGHT iAVkPE IT CLEAR.
FOTHie COURSES
On Huskies . .
. . . 'n Things
By Oima Goodkid
Before I go into my co
lumn for today, I'd like to
tell you all about my ex
citing Huskie Husker con
test. In this way, you, too,
may get into my little co
lumn some week and have
all your virtues extolled and
bad points covered up. Tee
hee.
All you have to do is to
write down on a sheet of
paper all the nice things
you've done for the Uni or
for the firls in the dorm or
for the securillion Tower
lately. Next, get the signa
tures of 312 big "I's" and
all six members of Inno
sense Society.
Then send it to me, in
care of this paper, and you
too may become a part of
my weekly syrup serving.
Today the subject of my
column isn't too well known,
but he's a Huskie Husker
just as sure as are the Mo
tor Bods in Raymond or
Ralph out there in Ohio.
It's Aaron Sillypoo, cur
ator of the faculty club (not
to be confused with Cosme-
The Goat:
It Strikes
Me Funny
By Dick Martyr
I must confess to you folks
that I do not really live in a
cave. Well, its k i n d of a
cave. O.K. I'll come clean,
It's a sewer.
And I don't really have
hooves. I do have horns,
though. So I guess I am still
kind of an animal. I also
don't seem to smell so good
after all of these days in the
sewer. Therefore the trash
kan staff made me change
my name.
I've been masterminding
some elections lately. Every
thing went according to
schedule, but not my sched
ule. Those TXEs are bad
guys. They're successful
corrupt and I am not so suc
cessful. But anyway my love life
has been going well. If all
of you guys would just iearn
to write poetry and run
around clicking your heels
in the air you would have
much beter luck. I had a
date last weekend.
It may not sound like
much to some of you guys
to have a date but I'm not
innocent and so it is hard
to get the girls to respect
me.
I also want to confess that
I was kidding about all of
that culture that I have got.
Goats don't have culture.
But on the other hand we
don't waste our perfectly
good gamboling (you only
think just lambs do that)
time by going to class and
doing my studies and jus
tifying my existence and
stuff.
I do, however, know a lot
of the important people and
I have left my mark behind
in a lot of mud this week.
In the future I am going
to be a really reformed
goat. I am tired of the rag
gers criticizing me, and I
have just about been con
fined to the sewer by the
terrific bounty there seems
to be on goat's heads in this
part of the country. Every
time a goat gets out into the
open or onto a sort of prom
inent piece of land his life
is in real danger around
here.
I know that it may seem
silly but I didn't like losing
my hoofs. W h a t I really
wanted was dehorned.
THE ft? 5N0HCVCK
tic Klub, Them guys will
never get in my column.)
But anyway, Silly (as
he's affectionately called by
by some members of the
faculty) has been t his job
for many a year, ever since
they moved the foreign stu
dents out of the club be
cause all these stuffy old
buildings on campus and
the union and Swede's and
the field house and Univer
sity Club and Gold's Cafe
teria and the Ogallallalala
Room and the commuter's
lunchroom and the admin
istration coffee room didn't
provide the services defin
itely need by all these love
able old poofs, rather profs.
But not to digress, to get
back to our H and H. (Tee.
Hee. Hee. H and H doesn't
mean anything to drink but
actually just means Huskie
Husker. Aren't you glad I
told?) A. S. (that stands
for Aaron Sillypoo not
Arts and Sciences or Asso
ciated Students or some
thing that you might not
think is nice) became club
curator after 33 years in the
basement of the old minny
building (which as you all
know now is the Nebraska
Goodie Store annex).
It was a big step up for
Aaron. Having worked in
the minny basement for 33
years he had become quite
well versed upon the cam
pus situation (besides pick
king up TB on the side.)
This of course enabled him
to move up (he lives on
fourth floor of the club)
and be of real service to
all our dear teechurs.
Now old A. S. (not to be
confused with Arndti Su
per), with his raised salary,
can buy all the things he
wants, like a crystal radio,
a subscription to the Read
ers' Digest, deodorant, 6,-
000 feet of dental floss, a
ticket to the IFC Ball (In
terfaculty Council) real Beaver-lined
underwear, and
a chance on the raffle spon
sored by the Faculty Dam
sels (they're giving away
Elgin Building.)
Actually, I forgot just
what it is that is so good
about Silly, but just take a
look at him if you don't be
lieve me. He has an "N"
burned into his forehead.
Now if that isn't devotion,
1 don't know what is.
You Nasty
Things, You
If you are reading this and
tt is between 11 a.m. and
noon today (Friday, April 1,
I960), you ought to be a
shamed of yourself for not
going over to hear Norman
Cousins, editor of the Sat
urday Review, speak in the
Coliseum.
Stupid Onion
Scandal Sheet
Boots Trashkan
Next year's Trashkan will
appear only two days a
week due to the pressing
competition from the Stupid
Onion's bi-weekly Scandal
Sheet.
A representative from the
Trashkan and the Onion con
ferred with the Unifarcity
Pub Board about tha matter
this week.
The Onion claimed its cir
culation had increased ten
fold since its shattering be
but earlier this year.
They attribute their suc
cess mainly to depth reporting.
Current
By Caesar
Dear Diehard,
Grrreat news. My type
writer's all fixed. .Now I
don't have to write trash
like I used to any more be
cause I
could n ' t
e m p h a
size with
my c o Al
mas, apos
t r o phes,
c a pitals,
etc.
So I'm
going to be
a good guy
today and
write about
Caesie
nice things in
stead of kicking everybody
in the face like I did be
fore when I was so mad
about having a busted type
writer. Aren't I an angel?
First of all, a word about
Onion coffee. This is the
best stuff I've ever tasted
since the days I sacked
Gaul. Really is good. Tastes
like the stuff one of my old
wives used to brew up'
Course she used chicory.
Another thing that's really
fine that 1 would say a
few good words about is
the Sillic Klaudrangle park
ing lot. Why this is the type
of thing I like to see. Just
like one of my old cam
paigns, I remember, when
we lost 33 tribunes (not
members of the People's
Rheims-on-the-Rhine) .
And how's about this new
Onion? Really going great
guns, isn't it? Hear they're
about readv to affiliate
with AFL-CIO.
Was talking to one of my
old friends Brutus lately
Fanny
Stackedwell
Laughs
At Life
First, let me get any in
conceivabilities out of your
head about the name of
this column. Life, the way
I see it, means:
"That property of plants
and animals which makes
it possible for them to take
in food, get energy from
it, grow, adapt themselves
to their surroundings and
reproduce their kind: it is
the quality that d i s
tinguishes a living animal
or plant from inorganic
matter or as a dead or
ganism." Tee hee hee hee hee.
.(Uncontrollable laughter)..
There, see how comes my
column's got this name.
And to reiterate once
again, this is not any type
of payola for Mr. Webster.
But anyway, to laugh at
life for today.
I (this is not supposed to
mean that I am a little 'i"
or a big "I" or anything
like that. I don't want to
start any controversy.) re
cently had a big laugh at
life recently-
I can't quite recall what
it is at this time, but so
what, you probably
wouldn't think it was fun
ny, anyway.
You'd probably like to
hear more about the Motor
Bod counseling system in
the dormitoire (that's
French for library. I have
a high average you know),
wouldn't you. You wouldn't?
Well, that's tough. WTio's
writing this column any
way? As I was saying, yes, Vir
ginia, there are Motor Bods
in Sayman Hall, just as
sure as there are chuck
holes on S Street or Inno
sense in Cosmetic Club (and
vice versa).
We feed our counselees
popcorn and candy and pop
and cigarettes and opium
and they gradually have
grown to love us. Walt un
til they get their bills at the
end of the semester.
Well, that's life. Ha ta ta
ta ta.
But weuns sureuns does
uns haveuns lotsuns ofuns
funsuns overuns atuns the
uns dormuns. (I'm fum
southern Louisiana, y know,
you all.)
That's enough of that
tripe. On to the real gist
of the column for the day-
But let me digress for a
moment. I was reading
Time magazine the other
day when I found out that
my subscription was up. As
you can see, there are hun
dreds of interesting articles
in time. But that's life.
I was going to write some
more today but have a ter
rific sideache from laugh
ing so much and think I
will lie down for a while.
I certainly hope them
counselees made my bed
today. Bet the Kremlin
never thought pledge train
ing would strike in the
dorm.
Thoughts
and he says there's a big
move on campus to abolish
bridge. Watcha going to do
with old Alf Sheinwold?
By the way, how's old e.
e. coming along these days?
I imagine he's out'squash
ing bugs and cochroaches
'n things on campus.
Say, Diehard, since you
never used a picture of me
before when I was writing
for some reason, I thought
you might be interested in
running the little snapshot
of me in a pensive mood.
I got it taken down at Ed-grin-Bloomhold's
recently
and I think it probably is
better looking than most of
the pictures that are run
every year in the Cor n
hustler. Hope you can use it if
the biz chief says it won't
cost too much.
Just one more thing- Sure
hope you can think up a
better name for my column
than "Errant Thoughts." I
don't think that's a bit nice
name for it .especially since
I have my typewriter fixed.
How's about something like
"Huskie Huskers" or "How
Can You Forget It" or
something like that? I like
"Current Thoughts."
darn someone just came
in when i was out getting
a leetle drink and busted
my typewriter all to hades
now i am chapped again
and am going to be nasty
so darn you peoples court
and ministration you too
editor im going back into
obscurity where i should
where ill always stay
julie
Trashkan
Letterip
Dear Editor,
I would like to enter my
objection to the oppression
of Dead Languages and
Housemother's by the Stu
pid Channel, supposedly the
representative body of Uni
farcity students.
What kind of organization
is it that denies representa
tion to such deserving or
ganizations as the Dead
Languages Club and the
Housemother's Saturd a y
Afternoon Tea Club?
The omission of these or
ganizations can be looked
upon only as a gross mis
carrage of justice. To con
tinue to deny them their
equita Me representation
would, it seems to me, be
indicative of the Channel's
disinterest in the welfare of
the Dead Languages and of
housemother's in general.
I say give the House
mother's a chance to ex
press their views!
Mrs. Smith
Teachers
To Adobt
New Plan
Teachers College has abol
ished its original curriculum
and have adopted instead a
bigger and better program of
related, interrelated, and inter-interrelated
projects.
According to Dean Falter
Brags, director of the insti
tution for advancing educa
tionalists, this program will
offer the prospective teacher
a broader base for the fu
ture. "Our motto," he said, "is
'Learn by Doing'."
These projects will fce of
particular value to teachers
because they will be based
on the important methods a
teacher should know such as
cutting, pasting and designing
bulletin boards.
CAMPUS WORSHIP SERVICES
DISCIPLES STUDENT FELLOWSHIP (CHRISTIAN CHURCHES)
123? E fttrw
Kdth D. ttphtrwon, m!niitr
10:00 ft.m,, &rviM of Holy Communioe
SOrlo a.m., Cott and Diicuaiton
ft:00 p.v... Supper
6:00 p.m., Worh Ip and Program
LUTHERAN STUDENT CHAPEL (NATIONAL LUTHER '
COUNCIL)
tU Noil lfltk Htraet
Aivm H. faurMn. part or
:U k.m., Studtnt Church Council with W txatr
On and 3rd Sunday-it
L B . Cabliwt wltn Blbui gtudr
(2nd and 4Ui Sunday,
10r a.m.. Homing Worihlp
6:30 p.m., Lutheran student AHoelatloa
SAINT THOMAS AQUINAS CHURCH (CATHOLIC STUDENT
CENTER)
II II tttrmt
C. J. Ktimn, paitor
ft. T. ShMhr. 1. R. tlym. awoctau,
Sunday Mama at S. . 10, It. 12
Confssaloni on Saturday; 4;3O-ft'30 p n- and T:o-l;)0 p.m.
UNITED CAMPUS CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP (PRESIYTERIAH,
CONGREGATIONAL, E.U.I. I ft RJ
til Na. 14th Htrmt
JUx Knowltn, mtnlstar
11:00 a.m., Uornlnf Worship 00 p.m., Vmbsm
du p.m.. Supper f.M p.m., Foruat
UNIVERSITY EPISCOPAL CHAPEL
13th and ft gtreMe
Ulllxrt IS. Armstrong. Chaplala
9:00 a.m., Holy Communion 11:09 a.m., lfomtne; Prays
:0 p.m.. Evening Prayer 6 00 p.m., Canterbury
UNIVERSITY LUTHERAN CHAPEL (MISSOURI SYNOD)
Uta and 0 Htmeta 1 a.m.. Morning Warship
Alvln J. Norden. pastor 1:30 p.m.. Gamma Delta
30 a.m., Bible Clasa Wertnaadt evening Lenteu
Servloa 7:00 p.m.
UNIVERSITY METHODIST CHAPEL (WESLEY FOUNDATION)
W. B Gould and 1. B. Wnlte. minister,
8:00 a.m.. Holy Communion (Wesley Houaa, 1417 R)
9:M a.m., Morning Worship (tit H. loth!
10:30 a.m.. Coffee hw and Bible Stud (Waaler Boueel
li:(K) p.m.. Supper (Wesley House)
6:00 p.m.. Forum (Student Union)
7:00 p.m.. Vespers (Wesley House)
Vieiuay Lnten Service, Monday thru Friday. 1I:M12:M p. at.
Vesper, at 7:00 p.m. Wednesday
- - ?
, n
FAMED LANDMARK
SHRINKS Caroline
Tower, whose ringing
bells have disturbed most
classes on campus, has
shrunk to a fourth of its
former size due to the
heavy spring melting.
Horrified Unifarcitv offi
cials exclaimed, "It was
never waterproofed."
Flood Rages
(Continued from page 1)
we had a perfect opportunity
to interview him.
"Yes, I know the town of
Lincoln has been swept away.
Yes, I think it is a good
thing to wipe out all of thai
inferior housing and party
places for Unifarcity students.
Drowned Rats
"No, I don't think we should
call off school for a mere 303
drowned students. Studies
show that they were in the
lower quartile on the whole.
It is more merciful this way.
In addition we have always
wanted the students to be in
over their heads.
"In addition it should help
student activities. Unlfarcil'
destrojer's will be interested
and the Pink Rag should have
a lot of fun muck racking.
We then asked the Gun
sellor what steps had been
taken to soften the blow of
the tragedy.
"We began by sacrificing
12 of the 13 Motor Bods in
order to pacify the gods. We
have also appealed to the Uni
cameral. Full Co-op
"They will look into the
situation in the next session.
Comrade Conelrade (gover
nor pro tern, maning from
now on) has promised the
full cooperation of his office.
"As near as I can figure,
that means that they'll build
part of the Interstate where
the campus was in order to
give a few jobs to ex-staff
members who lost out when
all of the buildings were des
troyed. "Classes will be held on
the roof of the Elgin Build
ing which will make parking
more convenient to class and
in the upper levels of the On
ion." "Of course, we will not be
able to use fourth floor, since
that area has been flooded
for years. I am not at liberty
to say what caused those
floods. I hate to admit, but
since Sillick Kluad ranglc
melted under the pressure cf
water everyone is to live in
the Kakk Sipma Frat House
which always has plenty of
room for dormies."
SPEEDWAY MOTORS
171 N St. LINCOLN. NEBB
Speed Equipment
Hollywood Mufflers
n
