The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, April 01, 1960, Image 1

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Huzza As Woods
Return to -Belts
Cnifarcity Gunsellor, Stif
f Ji"d H a r d w i n announced
Thursday that the ministra
tion was returning the so
called Delt Woods to the stu
dents. "We have always felt that
3 tesj. should be made of the
indent's abilities to use the
U'oods without abusing the
privilege. We hope the rules
and regulations established
the dean of Affairs, Fullup
Coalburner, are observed.
These rules are to be en
forced by the People's Court.
All Wet
Asst. Dean of Affairs. Posh
Ilalfgrin, whispered confi
dentially. "If those rules
aren't observed there'll be
several drownings as the
woods are now several feet
under water."
Jim Pithgear. (asst. to the
gunseU gave this reporter a
dosed door snow-job in which
l;e stated the reasons for the
ministration's reversal.
"It has been our constant
d ar that the girls would lose
their figures if they were to
lose P.E. a nd healthy out
door exercise in the same se
mester. 'In addition this is good for
rental health and hygiene.
The Director of Stupid Health
reports that last week they
treated 600 girls for injuries
differed while under a delu
sion that led them to crawl
up the walls of their houses.
"In addition, parents across
the state have complained
about the drinking on campus
and the type of pressure that
led to the Andrews Hall Af
fair, so there was nothing
else we could do.
Too Much
"In addition, several L i n
coln bars have been dam
aged by overcrowding and the
State Fire Marshall is com
plaining." A poll of campus students
taken by the Pink Rag
showed the following results:
Loud Blare, a senior in Busi
ness Ministration, shouted
(amidst background numbles
of mendacity) "I don't think
I'd enjoy myself; I have to
straighten out Rush Week."
Campus Cleanly, Trip Skar
ris. said, "Well, I think it
definitely would be a bad
example. Besides, well, that's
sort of a thing that I'd not
like to be quoted on ... or
even asked about."
Lynn White, well known
Theta Hustler (which doesn't
mean what you're thinking)
simply said, "Oh no. I have
to raise my average, I've
been so busy.
C7 C
Vol. 34, No. 90
The Daily Troshkon
Friday, April 1,
Raging Flood Submerges Campus,
But Classes Will Continue, Sa
Schoe Droll Reigns;
Starchie Egg Lauded
Campus Cosmetic's ratifi-, by Gross Outhouse that the
cation was held the other; show was over three days
night. The Boys Club slate ago.
I was approved while several j slim-Chance Gladwall flout-!
! turned their heads and three a his library talents and
took up the Secretary's office. ,
Bob Deedee stepped down a-1
mid cheers for his outstand-;
Innicent workers died in the
Schoe Droll, political direc
4 fV S
pro rr rn nnfi ;ri n i t
tor and long time chair occu-! ing service. This Cheering be-!
pant, was chosen by the boys i came almost overwhelming as
with only one dissenting vote, ' Vern Flv walked out.
Sweety Bray, Awful W'eef which was cast for Lamonts Other trivial posts were ar-
House, simply broke into un
controllable laughter. Xo one
else could be reached.
Dumont. Mr. Dumont was
voted for on the grounds that
he did more work.
Soapy Sophist replied that
the above was a foul canard.
Mr. Sophist is considered an
authority, as he seemed to
be C.C.
ranged to take care of any ill ;
feelings and the workers were
chosen. CC is happy to an-j
nounce that 12 outstanding,
workers were added to the :
Club's roles.
Two leaders had to be :
shirker selection , dropped in deference to those
for the steering foul workers who wasted their '
Kasler Treat To Be Pink Coffee
The Betcha Crooker Hay-1 of the Easter Bunny it will be
making award for distin- colored pink.
. . rr . , Students riesirin? crpam
-u.nea conee was pre.eniea md sugar wm a, fjnd om committee. time geting points and selling
to campus peculator watch-jlive c0s and growing sugar For Vice Chairman. Starch- such idiotic things as tickets,
trs in ceremonies today at cane patch advantageous Egg received a standing Schoe Droll said today tha!
the Stupid Onion. i added. The sugar cane patchj ovation before and after his the Club's future was in ho
Said head onion. Marty. he pointed out, is located in election. Starchie also an- little hands and things were
H;gh Schooler, we will fea- the lounge near the green nounced that CC tickets were going to go as well as las!
" this coffee delicacy next jungle plants while Bessie is going well. He was a little year's Inner FooI"s Channel
Tionth in the crib. In honor tethered near the TV set. . red-faced w hen he was told Dancing Party.
flooding on campus will not necessitate
the calling off of classes, stated Guucellor
Stifford Hardwin soon after he arrived in
his office by row boat. "Neither", he
roared, "rain, nor snow, nor dark of night,
nor Oklahoma again, NOR w ater will stay
my students from their appointed classes."
The five foot crest of water is expected to
abate tomorrow. Students under five feet
may obtain free snorkles at Stupid Health.
Onion Gets
tr lime
Ma Bennette announced to- jpfJ$ HlUl fr
day that Nebraska Onion had
j been renamed Student Onion,
i "After all. Bennette said, the
students do pay for the
I ; - w Nj 1 A , , - f x
ft . - 9 z ' - w
Razing Set
The Uniiarcity Bored Re
.ents. confirmed yesterday
! ; ia. the Ministration Build
ing would be torn down and
replaced by a new and much
needed Casino
The Bored Regents re
ported that the students have
!."';e need for counseling and
Ziiidance and need a chance
o shift for themselves. A
tw Casino woild give each
student the opportunity to
spend the Unfarcity's money
as he sees fit.
The present Ministration is
not elaborate enough to be
remodeled so it must be
ra?-d and renlaced with thp
most luxurious Casino seen ( health." and ' It the only
in the U.S. S course I ever got a 3 on." per-
Fullup Coalburner. dean of ; vaded the air.
Affairs and expected to be j
In Effigy
Apathetic floods are now
seeping the Unifarcity cam-
Pi- . ..
Latest releases now ""
cate that water will reach
the five foot level. Damage
is estimated at 53 cents ac
cording to the Student Dam
age Committee.
New Level
Ministration estimated that
it would take an outstate
tuition level of $1,000,000 to
repay the damage over the
next 15 years.
The other proposal to re
pav the damage was submit
ted by the Young Socialists
Committee which recom
mended that the bookstore be
PYnrrmrintprf anri Piven to
jthe Stupid Onion to admin
l ister.
' Not t r u s t i n g any of the
above committees, your to-
trepid reporter sw am over t
the headquarters for Slum
! Cleaning and Excavations,
whose mastermind Charlie
' Foul, was reputed to have
the inside story.
On the way I swam across
Webfoot Claws, and received
a scholarship, see sports sec
tion, i Incidentally this flood
is not a plot to improve our
swim team desirable as that
might be. i
Charlie Foul was in confer-
T el mis Shots
Disperse Mob
In PE Riot
More than H00 undrcrad'i
ates were shot yestcday at i
riot in front of Buireti Hall.
The large crowd of Arts
ir.d Sciences students had
come to protest the removal , Put the blame on
of Physical Education from
the required curriculum.
Early morning risers were
: MrnripH In nnto tha u-1mla i
I student bodv had been hung in j ence with Nave Goodboy,
effigv this morning Head of the Campus Facadi-
Nearly every tree on cam- T. 2i.
pus was covered witn stutfed ' 3
f"ure! 1 lale-
"This is certainlv an atroc-l , , Pre"" am?'
ious thins." commented Prof. u s,arted n 83 wcUut;
Earnest Hilcun of the English I "e w ere j"st staran2 t0 ?uf
department, " over half" the a more beautifiul campi As
name on thP pffiaipc arp m.. ; the first step we were blow-
spelled " "P tne Scurillicn Tower In
Informed sources of the
Cries of ' Give us back our
the manager of the Casino, becoming violent (groups
said that the Casino would were seen snatching leaves
benefit all the students and off trees and tearing them
take the students mind off of : fcmb from stem) Unifercity
his school work. officials moved.
Accordin? to the Bored Re- Quietly and e f f i ciently
the University coaching staff
It seems several poor seasons
of student turnout and school
spirit have embitered them
with fans.
Twice this year the coach
ing staff has petitioned the
When the crowd -ppeare1 Bored Regents for a new stu
dent body, but they were den
hind these students. At least,
until they run out of money."
order to have more room for
for a central pool.
"Then there came this ter
rific roaring noise and wat
er spouted several hundred
feet into the air. Unbeknownst
to us the main pipeline for
the Lincoln W.C.T.U. ran
right through onr campus.
At this point our interview
was interrupted by Gunsel
lor Hardwin, who came to
red president I. M. South-ISide us for skipping clast
d stated "We stand be-! Jhe laf wrd,s we overheard
PIRTV, A INT THEY You're looking at the prettiest
bunch of young ladies on campus. They are the Comic
Book Beauty Queens. Because of the uniqueness of this
year's candidates. Ihey are being released in advance of
the publication of the Comic Book. Judges for th:s year's
beauty queens include Clyde Ueatty, P. T. Barnum Jr.
and Frank Buck. Comic Book editor Schnoo Schnavel
commented that the staff was pleased with this year's
queens. We are confident that we have the cream f
the crop for beauty queens in this year's Comic Book."
Miss Schnavel added. (Notice the une on the left in the
back; her is the cutest one.)
gents the project would cost
more than five million dol
lars and would certainly be
an asset to the campus.
Of course, the Bored Re
gents said, there will be re
strictions m the use of the
Cassino. each student must
have at least ten
hours of lockjaw,
members of Stupid Health
moved through the crowd in-
noculating against
Howls of surprise and pain
were heard and the crowd
quickly dispersed.
More than 200 of the stu
dents were reported sife from
Stupid Health re-
from Mr. Foul were "It's not
really so bad, Nave, if the
water just keeps up it will
wine out all buildines. nark-
ZLaU.C. Day Arrive'"'
Shorman Uncle, editor of j build a beauttful campus on.
Plavboy Magazine, w 'l ad
dress an ail-Unifarcity con
vocation at 11 a.m. Friday
in the Coliseum.
II'a n'ill lien 4 Cfm i n rv n
it wui resemoie a swamp.
The Gunsel towed us away
i in his 40 foot river launch and
(Continued on Page 2)
FfoAt 5tep to vSpikg
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t hi
I . -I A :'
i ' 1 11
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All Weather
I ' tirlJ
y I C is
"-ft- - "
Sport Coats
Solids to Madros
G'en Plolds
Suburban Checks
f i 1
1 11
I ! f . 1
: '
See, too
. T'es, keyed
to the
M traditionol
ly wardrobe
f AT
man s
University Shop
2nd floor
(no fool in)