Wednesday, April , 1959
The Pink Rag
Page
Charlie Broivn
Arrested by Cops
Charlie Brown, Nebraska
track speedster, was speed
ing a little too fast for our
"fair" police force and
after a 10 mile-110 mile per
hour chase the cops hauled
Charlie to jail. He was
charged with trying to re
sist arrest, speeding, care
less driving, and tiMrris
accounts. Explained Charlie
after being caught, "All I
did was drink a few beers,
leave the bar and wander
If
Charlie Brown
around until I happened to
stumble into a house. After
I left the house, I got In my
car and proceeded home to
spend a quiet evening.
The sad thing Is fans is
that Charlie was only going
26 in a 25. He needs us now
so lets all help our beloved
Charlie.
Notice
The Orchesis, women's
modern dance group, is
looking for a student man
ager. The qualifications are
simple. You must be male
and eligible.
The girls would also like
to extend their thanks to the
previous manager, Herman
llardup, who served them
so faithfully for a week be
fore his injury. Herman is
presently in Student Health
being treated for protruding
eyeballs and other minor defects.
Leafhoppers, Die
There will be a meeting of
the Society for the Preven
tion of the Potato Leafhopper
Monday at 4 p.m. in the Ag
ronomy Building.
17 MU IvM Ml 1
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hi Captain Ulalh
UNIVERSITT OF NEBRASKA LINCOLN
niden
Call For
By The KIAS
Currently, the university of
ficials are engaged in a heat
ed debate as to whether or
not women (nice young girls)
should be allowed to compete
in college athletics with their
male cohorts. This is a topic
"Pffft" Tweedy and friend jog towards the practice
field for the opening of spring practice on the Nebraska
campus.
We
p
ate
ans
1127 "R" STREET
By Mickey T.louse
"We hate fans." said Lolly
Hepley, Will Myth, and Shake
Slyer in a joint statement to
this reporter. The three
coaches went on to say that
they didn't need supporters at
their meets. They said, "We
don't need fan support. Our
athletes already have all the
support ttiey need of another
kind. We console them daily.
Also, they know that their
daddies and momies stand be
hind them."
Hepley, who coaches wim
men (excuse me) swimmin,
said that fans are a terrible
menace at his indoor meets.
He said, "It is hot enough in
there without all those peo
ple. The more people, the
thicker the fog on the win
dows. As you know I am a
birdwatcher and the fog im
pairs my vision. The great
number of fans also add to the
confusion. Not only have sev
eral people been drowned
when pushed into the pool, but
after the last meet it was such
a madhouse that I and several
of my swimmers became
mixed up and ended up in the
girls dressing room. It took
me several hours to fight my
way out and my wife still
isn't speaking to me. I was
late for supper."
' - WV XT v iyl ' l
IHII amililili llllllMbllir .mMmmmmmemmmmmi mil nun t Ml I III HH II II I II Xi
I Myth, who is grappling
coach, said, "The people are
I generally so packed in t h e
! Coliseum that many specta
! tors are pushed out into
, the wrestling mat. We are
facing a liable suit at the pres-
i ent time because Ed Teth-
! meier, my heavj-weight wres
tler, accidently grabbed an
'observer and tore his arm
off."
Shake Slyer, who coaches
' gin-nastics, said that over
enthusiasm is his prime con
cern. Last week his parched
' peons were three quarts ahead
' of their opponents when a fan
rushed from the stands and
tryed to assist Muck Pelvis
;who was doing a gigantic
'swing on the high bar while
holding a bottle between his
knees and catching the con
tents in his mouth. Whether
; the fan was trying to assist
'Pelvis off the bar or assist
the bottle is not known. Any
way the fan and Pelvis be
came entangled and now
i Coach Slyer's prize athlete
lies in Student Health with
! broken bottle wounds and the
I broken bottle. Slyer expects
I him to be back in action with
in a week. However, he may
not be in top physical condi
tion because he cannot take
part in the team's daily warm
up exercises. He is unable to
do any exercises that require
a sitting position.
INebraskan
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PERSONAL
Esther Ioso. noeclallin In Men's
Women's ffttln? problems Double
bre-dsted converted to single. 4445 Bo.
4Sth, 4-4212.
FOR SALE
For sale Bookcane. desk, chpflt-of-drawers,
miscellaneous furniture.
3-8327.
For Sale: Half pr;re sale on mups
German. Panlnh, English. American
S1..V) to ?15.0O. Cliff s 13th M.
FOR RENT
Typewriter, srtdlne machine for rent
or sale. BLOOMS. 323 No. 13. 2-5258.
TV's rented. (12.50 per month Every
thing furnished. Kollar'a appliance.
2-2744
THESIS BINDING
Students, have your thesis bound at
H. H. Bindery by experienced book
binders at new low prices, any thlck
nepg S3-00. Special custom binding at
a slightly hlpher rate. Bibles. Text
hooks. Periodicals bound and rebound
at Low Low prices. Phone 6-4435
Daytime 2-8309 Evenings.
H'antrd I'wd Innocent's Jackrts for
HtntHnr Herd contact Jerry Srllcntin,
Tort XI political bms. 1535 K.
FOR SALE
Six house broken Blllle Goats. See
Farmer Junes.
WANTED
Man exptrnr6 nr. licking: stamps,
pahtlnjc clMuiln, etc. Denliv work on
staff for one day.
t ied Christmas
r Hhpna Hotie after :Hl.
ontact Kap-
Coaches., Official
omen
n
which has long been consid
ered by the men of all uni
versities throughout the coun
try, but it is the first time
that the athletic and admin
istrative officials have dared
to consider such a brave
move.
Here at our beloved institu
tion, we have nine sports tthat
this writer is sure that girls
(nice young ones) would per
form admirable in. They are:
football, basketball, swim
ming, gymnastics, wrestling,
track, tennis, golf, and base
ball. Of these nine, two, wrest
ling & football, stand out in
the minds of all red-blooded
American males as being
the best sports to admit girls
(nice ones) into. In the eyes
of these crusading males,
these sports are the ones that
the girls (nice young ones)
could excel in most.
In this small (very tiny)
article, I am going to present
in my humble way all the
reasons for adopting such a
policy. (I am NOT going to
give ANY reasons for not giv
ing this magnificent plan a try
because that would be silly.)
First of all there is the rea
son of companionship. A star
athlete always needs the
companionship of a girl (a
nice young one). What better
way is there to wipe out this
problem than to have our
male stars playing against
and with the fair half of the
species. Think of it.
Ward Moved Up To
P.E. Instructor
Pal Ward was moved up
from his head football coach
ing job to Assistant professor
of physical education at Colo
ratdeal University.
Ward is replacing Bud Wel
kinson who will be moved
down to Ward's old position
of football coach. Although
W'elkinson didn't show much
emotion, it was evident he
wasn't happy over the change.
Harold Honeylips, chairman
of the athletic board, said
Welkinson had been relieved
of his duties after due deliber
ation and consideration and
much regret. The board said
the school was in need of a
younger man.
Ward was given the higher
post because of his excellent
Secondly, girls (nice young
ones) are able to hold their
own with males any time as
most of my fans can testify
too. This is absolutely no rea
son why they couldn't cut the
mustard in sports as well.
The third reason is a big
one. The students want Co-inter-collegiate
sports. This
writer has undertaken an ex
haustive survey as to wheth
er or not the coaches and the
students of this institu
tion really are in favor of
this plan. They are. The most
outstanding student opinion
came from Husker athletic
idol Selvyn "Buckshot" Pin
kleberry. He was very em
phatic in his approval of the
plan.
Coach Bill "boy would that
be sharp" Jennings summed
up the feelings of the other
coaches pretty well. He said,
'I feel that this plan would
.t.. :mnrna Vip morale 01
the boys especially during
those long tedious practice
sessions.
Last but not least would be
the tremendous upsurge ot
gate receipts. Think of t n e
thousands of fans that would
suddenly swing over to the
Husker side if girls (nc.e
young ones) were allowed to
participate in sports. They
would flock to Lincoln from
all parts of the country to
witness the spectacle.
Anyone interested in be
coming a Football Student
Manager contact
BOB HALL
7-1911 Immediately
record as the Buff's 'tead
coach. His teams have repeat-
eaiv Deen runnerups 10 mei
conference champions, 0 i 1
wellhoma U.
Since 1950, Ward's teams
have lost only twice by over
whelming scores. Twice they
have been beaten by a touch
down, once by a single point,
and once they tied.
Ward was overjoyed when
he learned of his new appoint
ment. He hadn't wanted the
job for a good many years.
His new position will ease the
tension and give him a chance
to be at home more. All and
all, Ward was overjoyed at
the prospect of being turned
out to pasture and relieved of
the duties he had held in good
stead for many years.
HOLLYWOOD BOWL
Open Bowling Saturday A Svnday
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920 N. 48lh PHONE G-1911
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