Tuesday, April 8, 1958
The Doily Nebroskon
Poa 3
11
Hypnotist Hired A Pigskin Drive Starts
Psychic Method
Planned For NU
Rad Munginger, world fa
mous hypnotist, has signed a
contract as head coach of the
University's football team
according to Nebraska athlet
ic officials.
Munginger's hiring came as
part of a move toward
more intellectual Husker
sports policy.
Nebraska athletic director
Still Boozer, commented,
"football has become such a
war of opposing psychological
tactics that we thought we
would steal a march on the
rest of the nation's schools
and become the first institu
tion to really inject psycholo
gy into the fundamentals of
football."
"After all," Boozer contin
ued, "the boys ought to be
able to block pretty well if
they are mesmerized into be
lieving they can do it.
Muncinger, himself, com
mented. "I expect to rebuild
Nebraska into a national foot
ball power in one season. I
am perfectly convinced of my
ability to do this and I think
the boys will be to if I get
a chance to speak to each of
then personally soon. 1 plan
to inspark some still into
them." (Editor's note' Since
we talked to coach Mungin
ger by long distance phone,
the conversation was at times
a bit gargled.)
Slim Marybaum, leader of
the recent campus spirit drive
band an ocifer in the Extra
Pint Club, predicted that Mun
ginger will improve alumni
relations throughout the state
enormously.
"Just think of the tickets
that man could sell on a state
wide personal appearance
tour," Maryoaum said.
Other Big Eight coaches
contacted about the hiring ex
pressed mixed sentiments.
Ward Comeclose, Colorado
mentor thought that the hir
ing of Muninger set a bad
precedent.
"In an era of recession and
unemployment, Nebraska's
move will only add to the de
teriorating economic situ
ation," Comeclose comment
ed. (Ed note: Dr. Gary
Hodgpodge, famed conserva
tive economist negated Come
closa's comment. Hodgepodge
said, "There isn't any recession.")
Bluff Killemson. Okla
homa's famed strategist took
the opposite view however.
"It will be a real pleasure to
match wits with a man of
Munginger's ability. After
all, we aren't playing the
coach, just his team. I am,
certain that we can field
comDination mat is just as
punchy as anything these
pseudo-scientific people can
produce."
Other conference coaches
were unavailable to the press,
As a matter of fact, the con
ference scene on the football
front was so chaotic that this
newspaper was unable to dis
cover who was coaching
what school. Most of the pres
ent incumbents were either
too busy packing or unpack
ing to comment anyway.
Former Husker football
coach, William Rodgers Jem-
merity, said of the move that
deposed him, "I am not bitter
toward the school or the state
I whish my successor the best
of luck. Anything is worth a
try."
Jemmerity said that he
"hadn't any plans as yet" but
he was reported to be con
sidering a post as chairman
of the University human re
lations department.
NOTICE: WM Mm Mraea
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4
Munginger ... New Ceach
Chicken
New Sport
By Garry Gearshelmer
Staff Stiff Writer
For the first time in the
University's history, a new
sport, exclusive to the big
eight is being drafted.
The Nebraska finance board
just yesterday approved the
hiring of Oswald Squeelingtire
for head coach for the Uni
versity "Chickie" team.
All those wishing to sign up
for spring training must have
the following qualifications
Must be 18 or over, must own
a rod not older than a 54;
rod must be chopped at least
21 inches, in the rear, must
have completely bald over
sized tires, and at least one
6 foot whip aerials.
Coach Squeeling tire re
ceived most of his experience
during the second World War.
For outstanding service for
the Empire of Japan, the
coach won the Fu Man Chu
medal for being the only
Kamikaze to survive 7 plane
crashes. After his release
from the hospital, Squeeling
tire came to the Unite. States
where he started to indoctri
nate the Delinquent youths of
the West to the Art of
Chickie."
Tryouts win begin on 14th
Street, April 31. The run will
be between the corner of the
Student Union down to the
corner of the Consumer Pow
er Co.
Participants must attain a
speed of at least 60 m.p.h
before a competition run will
be recorded. Civilian motor
ists and pedestrians travel the
strip at their own risk. Any
member of the team hitting
either the motorist or the pe
destrian will win automatic
ally. If both men hit outsid
ers, they must continue the
run until one turns away or
collision occurs. The win
ner, in case of a collision will
be the survivor.
Detroit Edison Go.
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Research and Development
Plant and System Design
Equipment Engineering
Planning for Growth
Purchasing
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n n
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I1VI
RESERVE YOUR APPOINTMENT TIME AT
PLACEMENT OFFICE TO SEE OUR
REPRESENTATIVE FOR SUMMER AND
FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT
Tuesday, April 15
if
; The Armchair Snort
L by ivan popoffnick
I
j There has been controversy to the effect that Nebraska's
' school spirit is not on a par with other schools in our class
' such as Oklahoma, Army, Notre Dame, and Navy. There is
I no reason why we can't develop a reputation like any of
itheirs. All we have to do is encourage students to attend
I sporting events. Why there are some people who don't even
j know that the University has a sports program.
Such encouragement could come in the form of grade
: raising and serving free "refreshments." It would certainly
be great inspiration to see that old Coliseum full for a wrest- j
ling match or three thousand students turn out for a swim-
. ming meet. After we started winning all our contests spirit
; would automatically improve. And that publicity!
I'm not going to bore you with a lot of the details for my
spirit reconstruction program, but after all, I am qualified.
My work on this topic includes study at Hadar Tech. Yale.
1 and Plato's school of philosophy. Having never participated
in sports of any kind, I am naturally well versed on sideline
procedure. I even attended a Nebraska sporting event once,
but didn't like it much. I could see right off what the trouble
was. People were leaving. An exhibition of spirit like that
was certainly a thoughtless, cruel action, don't you agree?
This was absolutely the wrong thing to do at a crucial mo
ment. Some of these people would not return that season.
, What did they expect? Just because we were losing the last
game of the season doesn't mean they have to stay mad all
year.
As I relax in my collapsible lawn chair and click on the
radio to a Nebraskan sporting event, I can tell if we fans are
cheering, and so can thousands of other taxpayers. So if you
i don't like to attend our sporting events, quit school.
J
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AFTER SHAVE LOTION
Coaches Cor r el
Nine Footer
By Melvin Cowznofski
Pink Rag South African
Correspondent
Monrovia, Liberia Harry
Slush, University basketball
coach announced Monday
k c;iinrknAn:..u t u.. i
jaklabiskanus, 8'2" Watusi,
has accepted an offer to at
tend Nebraska in the fall of
1338.
Stiltolashponitch, who pre
fers to be called Stilt the
Stilt, will arrivp in his cage
aboard the B.S. United States
sometime this summer.
Huijaklabiskanus' manager,
former Canzas basketball
coach, Rick Carp, said Stilt
is very happy over his schol
arship. "He had three extra
white men for dinner last
night, Carp said."
Knarf Engives, Husker
track coach, also reports that
Huijaklabiskanus has high-
jumped 10 feet, but be hopes
for improvement.
Slush stated that he was
very happy over Huijaklabis
kanus' decision to attend Ne
braska, and said that "1 will
probably play him at center.
' Am r
4i ,
IT,
Husker Secret Weapon Displayed
New Baseball Weapon Tried
Flaming Fast Ball Brings Torrid Win Streak
By Alfred E. Newman
What, Me Worry?
The Cornshuckers baseball
team which recently
returned from a week long
vacation In the South along
with a few games was ben
efited by the use of a new
pitching device, X-000.
Sonny Sparks, Shucker
coach, when contacted at his
hide-out, said the new wea
pon, which is a form of the
fast ball, was introduced in
the first game after it was
, .' . ... i
..-t.fT' :. . ' r
1 X
Teotsie Rocket ... Slugger
approved by the NFTA, (Na
tional Flame Thrower Asso
ciation) and completely
shocked the opposing nine."
Sparks stated that the new
device was invented by a for
mer player, H. G. Wells, after
many years of work.
Opponents Burned
"Although our opponents
were rather burned-up about
X-000, they took it in stride.
The umpires were wearing
blue asbestos suits and had
no trouble calling the plays."
The same eight players
were used in all six games.
Sparks said. Jerry Comet at!
shortstop, Al Cupid at second
base, Larry Dasher in right
field, Jim Dancer behind thei
plate, LeRoy Blitzen In left
field, Al Vixen at First base,
Gary Donner in center field
and Bill Prancer at third base,
certainly cannot be over
looked, Sonny continued. j
Asked if he was afraid that
other teams might begin us
ing the X-000, the Shucker '
coach assured the University
that Nebraska has the only
weapon in existence, mainly
because H. G. accidently cre
mated himself when he fin
ished the first flame thrower.
Nary Began Work
Sparks said the Navy had
attempted to perfect the X
000, but after several misfir
ings at Escape Canaver
Florida, Wells was given the
right to work on a new idea,
that of using the weapon on
the baseball diamond.
Air Force ROTC Colonel
Carter Lake has approached
the athletic department about
using the X-000 to put more
spark into his cadets, but this
request was turned down, ac
cording to Nhoj Yeltneb, ath
letic department mouthpiece.
Title Possible
In regard to a possible Big
Ape baseball championship.
Sonny said, "I don't want to
be modest, but I have no doubt
but what we'll be Big Ape
champs in "58."
The only other use of the
X-000 has been by Sparks'
father, who operates Doper's
Mortuary. Doper reports that
cremation by X-000 is very
practical and business is im
proving rapidly.
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Both words must have the same num
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Box 67A,
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jot ci tAtca. BUaiing Greeting
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Product of tjrvuic tireo-rrany j&.ecc-is our middle name
although I have not decided
